H is so blocked on this custody issue. So we're going to the psychological custody evaluations. We're not talking about a good father here, during our marriage, I felt like a single parent.

But, I need to know what to expect.
Will the evaluator see that my H doesn't communicate?
Will he see the blocked, angry person that I see and my lawyer has seen?
Will he understand that H has shown no ability to run a household over the past 6 years? (ie. H refused to ever do laundry, shop for clothes or groceries, cook, pay bills, take the girls anywhere, etc.)
Will the evaluator see that his parents are enabling him now since he is living in their home and they are doing all of the domestic support when he has the girls?

Please,please provide a description of your experiences. Thanks.

Newly,

We had a custody evaluation of the sort you speak of. When I have some time, I can fill you in in depth. Are you using a court appointed evaluator or one that one or both of you have found?

Being the mother, you are in an excellent position. Fathers are like the compulsories in ice skating, they don't count for much.

Thanks for your reply, and always reaching out to me. This is the court appointed psychologist, but we have to pay for it. I'm concerned since H has demanded the children 50% of the time, and has had them the last 11 months on this schedule.
I'm heading out for the holiday, and would love to talk with you directly on this subject.

Maybe we can get together in December to talk.
Also, if you are around between Christmas and New Year's, we should plan to get together, with or without your daughter. She'd have fun with my girls.

Oh boy does this subject ever bring back painful memories and it was 6+ years ago for me! My ex fought me for custody and we had to have physiological evaluations, tests and home visits. At that time my kids were 4 and 8. All I can tell you is to be completely honest. If you have to take the physiological test you need to be perfectly honest on there too or they'll catch it. Many of the parents come off as being "too perfect" and that shows up right away too. Nobody IS perfect. Don't "rip" on the ex. Actually the one we had didn't question a lot in regards to the ex but more of her questions were focused on me and the kids. Things like what size shoe do they where? Which parent is takes most responsibility for baths, bed time etc...Asked me what I could do/would do to be a better parent etc...Asked how you punish the kids, do they see the doc and dentist on a regular basis etc...I don't know how far you are going with this, if you'll get to the home visits and everything else or not. Oh, they do interview the kids too, even if they are really young like my daughter was. That isn't always good because she'd answer some stuff that was off the wall and not even true because she couldn't remember or didn't know so she'd make things up. The process is painful for all involved and it's sad that you have come to that point. It's another hurdle mixed in with the many that you'll have going through the divorce process and even post-divorce.

Thanks for your response, but what was the outcome? I'd like to know what you were proposing vs. what H was proposing.

Now he's demanding 50% of the time. I countered with 57/43% (me/him). Now I'm not even willing to go that far. He wants them to stay in a different house every night. Yikes. My current plan is 5 overnights every two weeks for him as follows: Week One T H, Week 2 T FS. Is this out of line. I'm not denying access to the children, I just think there are too many transitions, and they need more stability.

Prior to our split, H never took the kids anywhere alone, or was by himself with them unless I had a business trip (avg. 1 overnight trip per month).

I don't think even now he could answer the shoe or clothing size question, friend's or teacher's names. He's still not been grocery shopping so he's clueless about that stuff too.

Please continue this thread.

I went through a psychological custody eval. 10 years ago with my exhusband. My advise would be to request a psychiatrist, rather than a psychologist, if possible. In my xh's case he had a lot of problems that I don't think the psychologist could identify. My exhusband got 50% custody of my two boys and in the years since has introduced them to drugs, porn, two abusive step-mothers, etc. He was and continues to be a terrible father, but the psychologist (who had a PhD) couldn't/wouldn't see it. Use a psychiatrist if you can.

It might also depend on where you are. We are in CA., which is a father's rights state, and our county has a lot of welfare, etc. and the courts desperately want to keep the fathers involved if they are willing. Good luck.

newly -

I am going to have to go through this too in December, so if you get any good advice, please pass it along - e-mail giic4@yahoo.com. Thanks.

I think I'll be needing a phsychiatrist too. There may be a chamical imbalance in the family and ex may have something too.

This will not be fun I know, but it's necessary.

Ex was so scared of this, that he went out and had the exam taken independent of the court - I think just to see how he would do - he had the in home visit, and all the psych. tests. He actually scored within normal range, but our problem is the way he makes decisions about the kids without involving me and our interaction together.

In my state if the parents are too contentious, that's grounds for one or the other to get custody.

Ex also wants 50% but he has never had that in his life - even since he left when he started working less shifts to fit it in - but he still puts himself first, and I can't bring myself to think that he can be a good parent while he is living in adultery. It's just that when God is absent from one's life, it is harder to be good, and make good decisions and treat others well, and I have not been to pleased with his decisions regarding the children thus far either.

He's supposed to be a doctor but he takes chances with their medical health.

It's like he has books smarts but NO COMPASSION for anyone.

for a doctor that's sad.

I hope more people answer. Thanks. K

Same here DEC 11th,I just got some paperwork on it to fill out they ask for tax info,and all these questions..how you would rate the other parent and how you think they would rate you.
Mines called a ASSESSMENT INTERVIEW.Regarding parenting time...

3 hours long!!!

GIIC,
I wish I had more info on this. If I get more I'll e-mail you. I have a poem I want to send you too, when I get home.

Your X must be scared if he had the eval done independently. I doubt his lawyer would have suggested it unless he was worried.

I've read so many great books and listened to some great tapes too. One important one was "Emotional Intelligence" Even highly intelligent people don't have the emotional skills if they were brought up in dysfunctional families.

I wish you the best and will let you know how mine goes. I don't even know if it's scheduled yet.
I'm on vacation for the week visiting my family, and I'm really enjoying it.

Happy Thanksgiving.