This is my first post, but, have been lurking for a while.
The reason I'm filling for divorce is my wife's second affair in 3 months.
After her first affair, where she lived a month with a 29 year old ended in a fight and a mutual car collision between them in front of his house (nobody hurt, just bashed in fenders) she went on a drinking binge and got thrown into detox and lost her DL. After a couple days in detox she came right back to my house and said she wanted to live in my basement.(My basement is finished with it's own bathroom and bedroom). I said OK because I thought this was a chance to reconcile our marriage. After a couple days I decided to go downstairs and talk to her (She had told me not to come downstairs unless she called me, or I asked permission. OK this was her space.) one day about our marriage and maybe get back together. She basically told me that we could not get back together because of something she called "breakup sex". She had explained that once she had "breakup sex" with someone, she would never go back. But, anyway, a month went by and no thaw in the relationship. I decided to take some advice from this site and try and implement plan A. I thought I was meeting some of the EN's I was ignoring (reason for A in first place). We were even spending more time together, going out to dance etc. plus, I had to drive her around because she lost her DL. But, last Weds. night she went out and stayed out all night. Then, the next day I got home an hour earlier then normal and caught her topless on the basement couch making out with OM2 (another 29 year-old), a co-worker. I said what the f___ and I put my fist through a wall ,I was so bent (probably should have used that punch on his grill). They left immediately and she has been staying at his trailer house since. She left her 11 year old daughter with me to continue the same school (WS says OM2 is not ready to have kids around even though he has a 2 year old from another rel. ), 3 large dogs, and all of her personal effects. I have no problem with the daughter. She is a nice kid and knows how to cook and make meals on her own when I'm not there because of work. And besides, this guys place is a drug hangout. Is this normal for a mother to just leave her kid behind with the soon to be ex? WW stops in about every day sometimes at 6am, sometimes after her work in afternoon. She never really stays to long. Just long enough to snoop through my bedroom (sometimes with me in it) and give her daughter a kiss, but never wants to talk (OM waiting in car).
My big question is: is my WW trying to hold on to me somehow by keeping her kid, dogs and stuff at my house because she feels this OM2 will eventually kick her to the curb because of her age diff. and her controlling behaviour? or Is she just using me for a cheap storage and child care?

Sorry, mostly a little vent in my post above.
What I should have ask is: If our M is really through, how am to be able to go out find someone new (WW's sugestion) when I should be at home making sure the kid is alright. I mean, it's one thing to leave the kid at home when I'm at work for an hour or so after school, but, how could I justify leaving her there alone when I'm out all night at the clubs? There are alot of crazy people out there that would take a kid like that and the only thing that would be protecting her is my wife's 3 100+ lb dogs.

First of all, your wife should not be coming into your home anytime she wants to and going through your bedroom. If you have not changed your locks you should do so. Second, to help take care of your daughter find a nanny or live-in housekeeper. Third take all your wife's stuff and ship them over to where she is staying. Your wife sounds like a flake. The less you have anything to do with her the better.

minn:

Your W has bigger problems than you should try 2 handle at this point in your life (or maybe at any point in your life!!). Hopefully, TMCM will jump in here. His xW behaved similarly.

It sounds like her D is from a previous R? Even if this is the case, I applaud you for caring about her well-being. There may be legal issues you should look in2, though, if this is the case.

I would VERY VERY definitely NOT date until you've gotten a DV and you are WELL beyond grieving the loss of this R, such as it was. Take this time 2 focus on your R with your D/stepD and HER well-being. You will feel much better about yourself the end of this growing time, and will be in a much better position 2 start a new R then.

All my best,

Tommaz and 2long:
Thanks for the replies.
Yea, my WS is on the flakey side, or maybe she is having a mid-life crises or something like that. I'll change the locks early next year when my D is final (maybe she will at least have her personal property out of here by then). As for my WS's daughter, my lawyer has drawn up gaurdian care papers so that I can keep her here until June, when she finishes the grade she's in. My WS is living about 9 miles from here on the other side of town so when the kid does move in with mom, she wont have to loose her local freinds completely, just change her school.
Thanks for letting me vent...

Man, you have more patience than even I had. I think catching my WW on a couch topless with the OM would have involved me being thrown into jail for using my 45 auto in a felonious manner. She sounds like she might be mixed up in some behavior that you can't do much about. Time to look out for yourself and protect your Step D from her neglectful mom. Don't give her the chance to turn this ugly. Take steps NOW!

Wow you do have your hands full. About the D from ww, do you think a judge will allow a young girl of 12 to move into a trailer with her mom and druggie bf? I sure hope not.
You should wait until you are feeling stronger before dating. I waited 1 year before I started dating. My d was not final until I was in a relationship for 1 month. You are totally doing the right thing, for you and your step daughter.
WH left 11/2000
discovery 3/2001
WH filed for d 7/2002
I filed for d 8/2002
final 4/2002