<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I know many don't know much of our situation, but I have posted a few threads and my w has certainly posted, during my time of denial; I know she has given up as recently as 9/02 (she stated she is filing for D) and has ceased posting. Her alias is lady K...if her story triggers any memory let it help you form opinions of me (of which I am capable of handling, as my walk with the Lord is unwaivering) and allow to share your perspective.

Here goes: Lady K said "D day after the holidays". I wrote her letter accepting her decision all the while working on "renewing my mind" in Christ Jesus. During the past 1 1/2 months we have remained in contact and in fact have made "love" err had sex <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

Just the other day I asked her to forewarn me at at the time she goes to Attorney for filing. She then said "I ask you the same courtesy" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> !

What's going on?? I know she has a male companion, as I have a network of christian friends. Do I just break away from her all together so to allow her time to heal, fogive, and recover!? I'm very confused, your insights are greatly appreciated.

God's Blessings To ALL!
<><

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by catch22222:
<strong>Do I just break away from her all together so to allow her time to heal, fogive, and recover!? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know anything of your tials and Lady K does not ring any bells to me.

First off I would say from experience, do not read anything into sex what so ever. Encounters are very common for whatever reason. For your sanity, I would not have sexual contact with her without a commitment.

Secondly, to respond to your question, I say NO. You break away to allow yourself to heal, forgive, & recover. Not knowing exactly what your situation is the advice of "working on yourself" still applies. Take this opportunity, as it appears you have, to work on yourself. If your wife wishes to divorce you then she will do just that and you can't control that.

Pray for her happiness and that the Lord puts his hand upon her and guides her down the path which He has chosen for her. Pray for your sins, patience, healing, and ask that the Lord guide you.

Best of luck my brother in Christ.

Bill,

Thanks for your response! I have been placing an "importance"/"meaning" on encounters with w, something of which I will NOT do as I will have to break from that situation as I know my w is not willing to commit (at least at this time) to our marriage. In fact, she has intimated that she desires to have many friends all the while searching for her identity once again! I have been and will continue to work on myself. My healing and recovery will continue as I'm not willing to fall to the traps of my "old" natured ways...I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

In Christ Bill, <><

Catch, keep working on your walk with the Lord. Let Him guide you and sort out the issues.

Ask Him for patience with your W and that He'll protect her from harm.

Keep on loving her but concentrate primarily on receiving God's healing for your life right now.

Praying you see a brighter future soon.

Hi 22222,
I have read your posts.....I wonder sometimes (not to question your sincerety) If your renewed attatchment to Christ is a (for lack of a better term) ploy to get your wife's attention.

You say you are the offender in your marriage, You say she has been nothing but a model wife (or to that description)

You say she has tried everything and you always thought she'd "be there". My question is why?
Why did you think she'd put up with all the cheating? Did you think she was a fool? A doormat? What? ....I am interested in why cheaters not value the vow made before GOD? But in the same vein they are shocked when the BS finally takes a hike...

You say she has a male companion....and in the same breath you say YOU have a "network" of Christian friends...Question????? Are any of these Christian Friends ....Women?

The reason I ask is...You have said in previous posts things that would lead one to believe you are a serial cheater.....So I wonder what your motive is when you in the same breath speak of your W's male companion and then your own "network"...see where I'm going with this?

I have seen fine Christian women young and not so young taken in by men who came into our congregation from a bad marriage seeking comfort and expressing repentance for ALL their wayward courses only to end up victimizing them ....

My message here is not to condem....but to evoke food for thought...and to encourage you to ask the tough questions...of yourself search your heart and your kidneys. Dig into the deep things of God.

D2k

Thank you all, esp D2K!

I have searched myself in terms of wondering if my motivation isn't to "re-possess" my w (vernacular for my old natured ways) and have such a renewal in Christ (as he has placed temples before me to dig deep, deep and deeper into myself) to the point that I turn to him and have true peace with our situation. My works is to be a legacy to my children and to share the good news of Christ, leaving anything and everything with regard to marriage up to the Lord. Continued prayers for my w and my 2 step children leap out of me often throughout the course of days!

I sincerely thank you for the challenge and direct nature with which you present yourself! For I know you write to me out of your love of Christ. I have always had a faith of talking the talk but not often enough (like always) walking the walk. I have a very strong male friend in Christ who is my accountability partner. We pray together, we share together we walk together and all for him who died for us! I know this may sound like hotwash as I know I am not known to you, but the veli has been lifted and I can see for miles!

The process (it's just that) of renewing my mind means I can unlearn learned behavior! I recognize how often, how effectively I have missed the mark. However, as a Christian, I am righteous in God through Christ. My walk is an awakening, and a process (to be redundant).

I suppose I have been confused about my marriage because we have spent time together and those moments have been wonderful...causing a muddy mind at times! Prayer gets me through, as I turn it over! I guess the one thing I have hoped is that she observes the change (hence, old natured thinking...true confession). Ultimately, I turn my face to the Lord and find that peace once more!

Again, out of love I know you all write and I love you in Christ!

<><

Time will tell......I wish you well
d2k

Catch and Discovery....Both of you bring up some excellent points.

Catch, I fully understand what you are saying and doing. God uses our trials and circumstances to draw us closer to him.

I decided in July 2001 that I wasn't going to live the non-christian life I had led for the past 2 years. I started back to the Mens Bible studies at church (It just so happened to be Power of a Praying Husband) and was really committed to changing. December 2001 my wife discovered the second affair I had had in March 2001. It was at that point we seperated and I could have walked away from God. This is when I discovered I was a Sex Addict and instead of running, I faced who I had become and started a brand new relationship with God and myself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The process (it's just that) of renewing my mind means I can unlearn learned behavior! I recognize how often, how effectively I have missed the mark. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can totally relate to this. Through the months of recovery from sex addiction and relying on God again it has caused me to completely renew my mind and re-learn some behavior about myself and to really examine things about myself that my wife had tried to tell me. I too recognized how often I had missed the mark. The thing now is I will always be looking how I can improve myself so I don't miss the mark anymore.

Discover...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wonder sometimes (not to question your sincerety) If your renewed attatchment to Christ is a (for lack of a better term) ploy to get your wife's attention.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You bring up a very good point. This may very well be true in some cases.If this is the case hopefully God will somehow take hold of the WS and change him/her. I think the true test is to look at the same person 6-12 months down the road and see if they are still walking the walk.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Time will tell </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have said before in some of my post that the person has to know what to change and want to change or everything will remain the same. I am a living, breathing example of how God can change somebody and use a circumstance to draw somebody closer that is sincere about changing. Although I started my transformation from July 2001 to Dec. 2001 I didn't really start growing and rebuilding my character until after my separation. This is when I found out about my sexual addiction and started attacking the inner problem. I was not the spiritual leader in our family but I am the one now that ask people if they would like to pray over a problem. So I think the question we need to ask is "Is your new walk with God a LIFESTYLE now or is it a SHOWTIME".

Catch....I am glad to see you have an accountability partner. I have 2 accountability partners who know my whole story and who pray with me. They ask me point blank how my addiction is and I have to be honest with them.

I just want to close by saying this to all the BS. I am so sorry that you had to go through the hell that we(WS) put you through. I never went through the BS part of a physical affair (I don't think) but I was the BS of a few emotional affairs. The thing I would like you to remember is this. A WS can change but give it enough time to see if it is for real. If time goes by and you see the WS has really changed, then (as in my case) you will have a much better person than you ever dreamed of.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ November 30, 2002, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

catch.....I suggest the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Another book that they wrote that I read this summer is "How People Grow". If your not familar with these guys they are christian counselors and they back up a lot of there opinions with biblical fact.

Love in Christ
cajunky

cajunky,

Thank you for the encouragement. I realize how new my walk is that I don't share even the smallest of miracles in my day to day with W as I know it is only time that will prove to her that I have changed or not! the only risk is in that time I may lose her but then I know it was God's will working and not Satan working me!

I have found such comfort and freedom in having an accountability partner. Having this person in my life praying for and with me (we meet several times a week) has been such a blessing to me that I don't see my life going in any other direction but up, up, up!

Thanks for the resources, as I will seek them out. I have heard great things of "Boundaries" but of course was never ready for it!

Time WILL tell!

In Christ <><