I am so unhappy right now, my husband has been so miserable and it just is an ongoing thing. Everything I say or do irritates him and he says terrible things to me. I have tried to do many different things, walk away, set up boundries, talk to him etc. - it gets good for a while and its back to the same old thing where he is miserable. He does smoke pot and I know he will never stop that - its something I have just come to accept, but it does not help his mood changes - what do you do though? If I say anything about that - he flips out on me. He gets mad at the stupidest things like for example it was over the way I was "cutting" the cantelope, he showed me "his" way and out of habit I went back to cutting it "my" way and he got so mad at me - saying "you'll just never listen, blah, blah...blah" I mean my god - its just a stupid cantelope - so what if I didn't cut it like he did-let it go man! <BR>So this is the kind of stuff I deal with, but sometimes its much worse and I don't know what to do - I have taken lots of advice from here and tried many different things, sometimes it works for a little while but he just keeps falling back to being like this and I am so tired of trying anymore. It seems like the only time he is happy is when I take all the responsibilities for the kids, the bills, the house etc,and I don't want to live like that - I might as well be on my own! I want the kids to have thier dad involved with him too. They are very close to me and would rather be with me which is because I am the one who does all the stuff for them. I have asked him so many times to be involved more - and he says he will try but when I ask him to do something like give our youngest a bath, or read her a story - he gets all cranky. I mean why should I even have to be asking - he is thier father and should want to do this stuff. So how long does someone keep trying - I keep thinking it would be so much easier sometimes on our own - the house would run smoother - I probably would have better money management, but its just dealing with that seperation etc, I don't want to go through it but on the other hand I don't want to live like this anymore either. I am not expecting any answers here but it does help just to be able to talk to someone. <p>[This message has been edited by fed up (edited November 01, 2000).]

First off I do want to tell you that I haven't been able to read all of your posts real close but from the stuff I did read it's obvious that your husband has no respect for you or your marriage. I am a true believer that spouses will dish out what they are "allowed" too. I have a feeling he's talked to you the way he does and has been more work then help around the house for a long time. Why not? He gets what he wants. It's not healthy for you to let him treat you that way. Each person has their limits as to how much they'll take before they say enough is enough. The key is to mean what you stay and stick to your requests. My husband and I would never talk to each other that way. Once of the very reason's is because the other wouldn't allow it and we both know that. I also have to admit that I have little tolerance for a spouse that lacks respect and if I were in your shoes I'd come right out and tell my husband that he gets counseling, contributes more to the family or gets the heck out. Period. You have tried sugar coating it and that obviously didn't work.

My god, when I read your message, I honestly thought I was reading about myself! Everything you wrote about your H sounds EXACTLY like my H! (except for the pot).<P>You're not alone out there. We have no kids, but my life revolves around my H and he knows it. I don't think he could cope without me, but he knows I'd never leave him so it doesn't matter to him how he treats me.<P>Hope things have improved somewhat since you posted your note.