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Joined: Sep 2001
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I've just been diagnoised as being Bipolar. Does anyone know about this disorder personally?..Should I tell my Ex about this, it's as though it explains why I have such frequent mood swings. Will I be thought of as crazy or psycho?..Will I be viewed as incapable of taking care of myself and my son now?? It's as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, there is finally a name for what i've been going through. It makes me realize that if i would have found out about all this sooner it would of saved my marriage. Now i'm feeling guilty...Any advice??

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What did your doctors tell you? Are you comfortable with the treatment they've planned?

Why do you feel guilty?

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Hi Jc's Mommy! Sorry to hear you have BPD - I have it also. May I suggest www.mentalhealth.com for some good reading up on your Illness and also please don't let those doctors use you for a 'ginuea pig' on medications. Some folks have worse BPD than others, mine is fairly mild, although I have ups and downs (manic/depressive) several times a month. They're not severe ones, but let's put it this way - EVERYBODY knows when I'm on a 'high' or a 'low' that's for sure! You also might try a search engine like Google or HotBot and type in BiPolar Disorder (BPD) and see what you come up with. WebMd.com is also a great resource site for you. Good luck and take care!
Harold

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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I have been on medication for depression since July. I went to the doctor because I knew I had it so I was not shocked. I had read all about it on the internet and then I read up on the medicine before I took it also. I felt like a failure because I had to take medicine to cope with LIFE but I started and continued in counseling and it has helped a lot!! It takes a little while to see a difference but it helps to level things out in your mind. I became more rational, and I feel happy now...something that was only a dream before.
Do like sauron says and look at different sites to find out about the illness and the medicine (look at what side effects you may have). I have typed bi-polar and manic depression into google before and there is enough to read for a year.
GOOD LUCK! This isn't bad, this is the beginning of feeling better!!

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It's funny that I should find this post because my girlfriend and I were just talking about this yesterday. I have just started taking meds.... and I thought the same thing, but you know what? My marriage was the only area that I was having problems in. I had problems because I was not respected, considered, appreciated.... so that is why I felt the way I did in my marriage. On the same day that I was treated that way, I could go to my friend's home and they could make me feel 100% better... and that is because they listened, they did not judge, they did not kick my to the curb everytime I said how I felt.... and they would usually have me laughing by the time I left... which releases endorphins, right? which brings you up, makes you feel better about life..... so please do not beat yourself up and blame yourself. I hope this has helped you. I would try some meds, and then get yourself around positive people.... people that 'truly' care for you. Good Luck.

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Hi JC's Mommy,

I do not have BPD, I am in school for Nursing. We recently covered this illness. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You do not have to feel guilty. Most with BPD can manage it very well with medication. Just remember, to take you meds as prescribed. When you are feeling better, that means the meds are working. If you discontinue them, as some with BPD do, then you will go back to the highs and lows. So do not discontinue the meds. You can lead a normal life.

There is many individuals walking around with BPD, and you would not know it, unless they told you. Once the right medication is found and it is working, there should be a change in the mood swings.

Good luck to you and do not feel guilty or ashamed. Would you feel guilty if you were diagnosed with cancer? An illness is an illness.

I just went back and read some of your other posts. You do not need to tell you xH anything. You are no longer married, so this is none of his business (my opinion). I could see him trying to use this against you.

Get on your medication, stay on the medication and you should be fine.

Is he yet paying you child support? If not, garnish his check. If he tries to sue for custody, so what. Let him. Remember, he left before the baby was born. That will not be in his favor. He has not had anything to do with the baby since he was born, another strike against him. You need the money to support your son. After he initiates a suit, you might qualify for legal aid. Worth looking into.

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

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Dear Jc's_Mommy,
I have a lot of experience with bi-polar disorder. Not personally, but because my brother has it and it has given him a h3ll of a time.

He foundered for a long time, until his Dr. put him on a drug called Clozaril/Clozapine. For him it has been a miracle.

I am sorry that you have this problem, but now you have something to work with. It can be treated!

If you have any questions I might be able to answer, please let me know.

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Let's straighten out something. JC's_Mommy stated bi-polar disorder which is different from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Bi-polar or splitting is a component of BPD.

BPD is often mis-diagnosed as Bi-polar. Fortunately many of the medications and counseling techniques for Bi-polar are helpful for BPD.

If you seek treatment yourself there is little chance of this affecting your care of your children. As long as you do not neglect them or they are considered to be in harm.

Are your mood swings rapid? Do your thoughts and feelings change within hours. Do you ever wake-up in morning feeling great like you can take on the world, but later in the day you feel worthless?

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Well I'm back and I now found out not only am I Bipolar but also Borderline personality disorder. I just fear what I will hear next that I have. In some ways I feel having or being labeled with a mental illness is going to be far worse than a life threatening disease. Sorry if that makes me sound awful for saying that. But I'm at the point that I don't know how to go about dealing with all this.

I did some research on my own with some suggestions from those who replyed to my post. And thank you for reading my post and replying to anything that I write. Alot of what I'm feeling and the way I react to situations is based a lot on the way I was raised. Which was a very abusive upbringing and I didn't have a mom or dad to raise me, they were both out having their own lives. My father pretty much came around a couple of times after I was born and then eventually stopped coming at all when he remarried and had a new family. The visits went from once a month to once every 6 months to once a year until one day I never heard from him again.

I blamed myself for his absense and my mother blamed me as well telling me that If I were worthy of love my father would of been in my life. This was embedded into my brain as a young child. My mother was very abusive emotionally to me. She would withold her love from me if I didn't make her happy and so on. But anyway a lot of my personality comes from being raised to feel unworthy of love or anything good in your life.

So what I'm curious about is the disorders I have are they biological and no matter how I was raised and how i'm living now still with the abuse from family members but it's graduated to physical abuse now. Would it of made a differnce if I were raised with love and support?..Or was it my fate no matter what my circumstances are/were to get these disorders?..Does that make sense?

The reason I'm asking all this is because of my baby and the way he is being raised. I've thought about my family and my ex husbands family it's like a pattern of neglect. It's really strange because my father pretty much abandoned me and so did his father, and my grandfather would drink so did his so our mothers both grew up with abusive fathers, and so on.

I know everyone tells me on this board and in my life that I should forget about the ex and let him go on with his life however he pleases. But I can't do that for some reason, I want so badly to break the cycle and I don't know if it's in my hands to change or break it. I don't want my son to grow up fatherless, and if I don't get out of my situation soon my son will grow up without a mother as well, becuase emotionally I'm getting weaker. For me I don't care about the marriage anymore it's done and over with, what I want so much is for my ex to atleast be able to somehow help me raise our son. But I'm not so sure he wants to do that. ANd with him being in another state it's not an easy role to fill...ANyway about all this rambling on and on..IF anyone can make any sense out of all this please give me your opinon and advice I need guidance bad..HELP..

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JC's_Mommy,

The first step I recommend for you is getting the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave". It is only $7.00 and it will show you that you are not alone. 10,000,000 Americans share your plight. This book might be a little difficult for you to read. I'm not the one with BPD and it was hard for me.

Another book I recommend getting is "Stop Walking On Eggshells, Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder." This book is not for you but for your XH, very close family members and your best friend. When your X reads this book and accepts it he will see you in a whole new light. Don't worry about child custody problems. As long as your children are not in danger or neglected having BPD will not be an issue.

Find quality counseling and look into proper medication. BPD takes years of counseling to learn to live with. It is not hopeless despite what some people say.

This is a link to a lot of good info.

http://www.bpdresources.com/

Don't let youself be stigmatized. You shouldn't be.

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There are lots of websites about BPD and lots of chat rooms and discussion boards too where you can go and talk to people who have a similar diagnosis and can tell you how they handle life.

I am so proud of you that you have learned of this and are wanting to better yourself for your son. Many people with this do not want to be diagnosed and then their family has to suffer with their denial for the rest of their lives.

BPD can be treated and beaten - go to one of WIFTTY's posts and he has a link to a good BPD site and you can also do a search on the internet just type in Borderline Personality Disorder.

Abadonment is a key component and you are so far ahead of the game to be dealing with this now!

I know that you want your son's father to be in his life, and maybe you can get some advice from others who have BPD on their discussion boards, but if you are ready to move on, you may want to work on healing yourself and recovering from the realationship and prepare yourself for another one.

There are lots of men and lots of better caring men who are looking for a woman - with kids to marry and who are dying to be fathers.

There is even a guy in my bible study who would love nothing better to be a dad and likes to date women with kids for that very reason.

So if you are worried about your son growing up without a dad, don't worry. Even if it is not his biological father, there can be many other, and better role models out there for him.

Even the dads in scouting and other programs can bond with him.

So don't fear that the past will repeat itself, because you sound like you are on the right track!

K

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Hi JC_Mommy,

You cannot make your xH be involved in his life. As bad as this may sound, sometimes, kids are better off without the dad.

As far as did you get this because of you life situation? What I learned with mental illness, some is hereditary and some is because something triggered a chemical change, a virus could do it, stress, puberty. There are so many variables and depends upon the mental illness. I would not spend too much time worrying about that. Concentrate on getting counseling, and on medication. Change your home situation. Have you considered a shelter? It sounds like you home situation is not healthy mentally. It will be difficult for you to grow in this environment.

And, you need to hear this, you were just a child. It was NOT your fault he stopped coming around. It was NOT your fault you mother withheld love. No child can do so wrong that they deserve this. All children are worthy of love. Some adults are not worthy of the unconditional love children give. You did not cause your parents to divorce, you did not cause your father to stop coming around. He stopped because he stopped. There may be a reason, but the reason was not YOU. Now, give yourself a big hug and tell yourself "I am somebody" "I deserve to be loved" "I am worthy of love" and the biggest of all "I LOVE MYSELF"

Take care.

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Jc's Mommy
As it says in my sig, I was diagnosed this past year with Bipolar 2. I've been cycling for almost five years now. Lithium has reduced my swings to almost non-existant. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I understand your fears and guilt concerning your diagnosis. I also did the "if only" guilt trip. 'If only I was enough on the ball to catch my symptoms years earlier I would have saved H so much pain aren't I awful for not doing that...' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I call those irrational thoughts "hampsters" now and squash them as fast as I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Truth is that I had neither the resources, the knowledge, nor the state of mind to catch it earlier. I wish I had but I can't change the past. Neither can you.

In some ways I feel having or being labeled with a mental illness is going to be far worse than a life threatening disease. Sorry if that makes me sound awful for saying that.
I understand. This terrified me before I started treatment but the reality has turned out to be pretty much a big nothing. So far everyone I've told has responded with a variation of "I didn't realize. Are you okay? We will be here for you. My friend/relative also has ~blank~." There are still people who believe the whole 'mental illness isn't real' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> or 'weak character' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ideas but I haven't met many of them.

So what I'm curious about is the disorders I have are they biological and no matter how I was raised and how i'm living now still with the abuse from family members but it's graduated to physical abuse now. Would it of made a differnce if I were raised with love and support?..Or was it my fate no matter what my circumstances are/were to get these disorders?..Does that make sense?
Bipolar is hereditary. People with bipolar tend to come from families with a history of depression, bipolar, or scizophrenia. However, according to the theory I believe, having the genetic predisposition for bipolar does not necessarily mean that it will manifest. A stressfull event or a physical situation (jet lag, no sleep, etc) can trigger the first episode.

As for family situation... I grew up in a stable, happy, loving family with lots of support. I married a wonderful patient man. I am successful in my studies. I have no money problems. I am in perfect health. I have faith in God. I had a traumatically stressful set of events right before I got married and I've been actively cycling ever since.

Being raised with love and support did not prevent me from developing bipolar. However, it did give me the tools to identify when something was wrong, a safe place to get support, and the ability to find the help I needed.

Take care of yourself. There is hope.

~Stable

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Don't rule out a physical cause to this, it's not always psycological. Usually those are just the by products, not the cause of it. Do you know what caused it? There are various tests that the physician can do, if they are educated about finding the cause of disease.

I worked in a Medical Clinic that did such things and it was interesting to see patients of even mental hospitals find the real cause (physical in nature) and lieve normal healthy lives drug free. At first I thought is was a miracle but when I say things like that happen over and over, I knew there was something to it.

D.


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