The downhill crash has been so fast, I can't believe it. Only a year ago we were married - if not happily, at least I thought "forever". Then four months ago he was telling me he might want a divorce, but that he loved me and wanted to to try to save our marriage. Today we are racing towards divorce and he says "I love you, but we can't be married any more" (his exact words).

I think I gave up a month ago, right after he filed for divorce. Oh, at first I sat back and let him do it all. I was going to let the divorce process drag on forever, and he said I could have all the time I needed. But then the days became weeks, and I started thinking back to all the many months I've spent alone and unhappy.

So suddenly, in the past 2 weeks, I've been the one pushing to finalize this divorce. I've hammered out a final property settlement and filed a counter-petition charging him with adultery. I have let him know that I now want out, and as quickly as possible.

And still I cry. Every day. And especially every night. I know I want this divorce now. I can never take this man back - he's hurt me too badly, I could never trust him again, and I don't think I even still love him at all.

So why do I cry? Why does it still hurt so badly? I know I'm doing the right thing by pushing for this divorce. And this is what he wants too. So how come I can't get through a single day without breaking down?

Because you are going through the saddest thing other than an actual physical death that there is. It is the death of your hopes and dreams for the future with this person. It is heartbreaking. And I'm sure you are feeling low because you have been dumped...not only dumped but dumped by the one person who promised to stand by you, love you no matter what and take care of you. It sucks.

I can't help you stop hurting...only time can take care of that but I can tell you it will get better. Everyday you will get stronger and the hurt will be less. There will even come a day when you wonder what you ever saw in this guy.

Life is just hard. The road is mostly bumpy with some smooth spots...it's those smoothies that makes it all worthwhile. Let yourself cry and feel the grief. It will diminish. When my dad (my only parent since I was 10) died 6 years ago, I thought I would die, too. I couldn't talk about him for a long time. Now, I have accepted that endings are part of life and the pain is almost gone.

And remember, you are NEVER alone. We are always here. SOME OF US EVEN STAY UP ALL NIGHT--not my lazy tail, of course, but someone will be here to talk to. We love you.

Ditto to what FranklyMyDear said. Your story has so many similarities to mine, I could have written it, except it would be the longer version having been married almost 29 years. The shock and pain are almost overwhelming. I too cry abit everyday, sometimes more, sometimes less. It is a process we must go through if we are ever to reclaim our lives, our self-esteem and our futures. I have decided to do my best to "push" our divorce through too, to enable me to get on with my life and grant him his wish to be free. It helps to feel I have some control over the situation. I KNOW how you feel - if that is any comfort. Keeping you and the rest of the MBer's in my thoughts and prayers.

You cry because you grieve.
You cry because you have lost a family.
You cry because you have lost a partner.
You cry because "for better or for worse" became worse.
You cry because you loved and lost.
You cry because divorce is paper, emotions are not.
You cry because you are human.

Grief passes.
Families rebuild or reform.
Partners return or new ones appear.
For worse becomes for Better.
Lost feelings are replaced with love.
Tears of sadness become tears of joy.

Neil.

Neil, Thanks, I needed that today (first Thanksgiving without WH). Leslie

Isn't that funny? What I expected to hear from at least one person was that I have given up too soon. And yet no one even suggested that as a possibility.

I keep telling myself that my tears are only for the dreams destroyed and the pain of losing. But there's always that fear I'm letting go too soon. I was afraid the tears might mean I knew, deep down, that I'm doing the wrong thing by pushing for this divorce.

Thank you all for giving me the support I need. Your own stories about how you too still cry makes me realize I'm not alone. I do know I'm doing the right thing by moving on, even though it is hurting me so badly to do so.

The saddest thing is, I also know that someday WH will come out of the Fog and realize what he's lost. And it will be too late. But I just can't wait any longer - I don't have those strong inner resources some of you do which allows you to keep on trying for months and even years.