I have posted deveral times and get some resposes and I appreciate them I have some guestions please help I just need a friend.

How long do affairs last?

How long since H left me and kids and lives with her will he come back?

Three weeks before he left said he loves me inlove with me wants me wants to redue vows and then poof he leaves what was this?

Says that eh does not know if he is in love with me anymore can this be true our marriage was good he even said so just a lot or sleepless night and work stress for him?

Can reconsiliation be possible?

Why does he not call to check up on kids has not visited with them in four weeks now his weekend he was to see them they went out of town?

We are in the middle od a D and i am dragging my feet do people remarry after D or not what are chances?

Why does he believe her over me with what has been going on He should know me better? I posted it yesterday in ANYONE FROM LAMPASAS TEXAS.

We have only been seperated for tree months and I miss him sooooo much We are face to face we talk nice enjoy heck the last time he had visitation we sat and talked for almost an hour and he said that he enjoyed it said he misses alot of things just does not know what.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> BUMP!!
I would love some feed back if possible please Please read some of my other posts the story in inthe infedility forum read only posts along with a post from 11/26/02 called Is anyone form Lampasas Texas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi helphopeful,

Im sorry to hear about your pain. It sounds to me like you are really hurting...Im sorry. I hope you have read all the info here on the web site...many of your questions can be answered there.

Im sure you know there are no easy answers to some of the questions you ask.

The fact that your husband is living with another woman...yet telling you that he loves you is a pretty good sign that he is immature, selfish, dishororable, pretty much pond scum....And you want him back why?

Anyway...I dont think there is much you can do as long as this OW is involved. The worst thing you can do is to try to bargain, plead, beg for him to come back. Dont show yourself as needy. In fact ignore him for a while. Dont take his calls etc...right now he is in another world....and yes affairs usually end after about 6 months....but they dont always. And I might be wrong ....but it sounds like to me your husband may just take off with the next bimbo to come along....Why would you want that...you deserve better...

Take care of yourself

Randy

Helphopeful, I may be the worst one to give you advice at this stage because I've given up on my WH and my M. So I can't tell you that everything's going to work out fine. What I can tell you is that there is life after you let go, that eventually you will feel okay & at peace with your decision.

Like you, I have been astounded by my WH's behavior, his turning from a loving H into a confused and pathetic child, his lying & deceit, and especially his desertion. Whenever we get together - and even now we occasionally talk on the phone - we spend hours talking and enjoy each other's company immensely. Despite our obvious love for each other, our compatibility, our shared interests - still he wants this Dv, still he tells me he loves me but can't be married to me, and still he continues to live with OW.

So I do understand completely why you're so confused. You can't believe this is happening. You keep asking why, when the answer to your problems (staying together, staying M) is so obvious.

And I also understand why you keep holding on and hoping. I did the same, though only for a brief time compared to so many others posting here. I believe that someday my WH, like yours & like all the other WS's, will someday come out of the Fog and be aghast at what they've done. The question is, "when"? How long can you wait and put up with not having a real H or a real M? I could only go 3 months.

The reason I could let go was because I knew I'd done everything I could to show WH we could have saved our M. He acknowledged my changes, he realized where we'd gone wrong. But he refused to listen and meet me halfway. I knew in my heart after 3 months that I'd done all I could, and so I could walk away without regrets.

Maybe you're not at that point yet where you can walk away without regrets. Or maybe you still have inner resources to draw upon, that will keep you waiting for him. I'm not saying what is the right thing to do. Only you can answer that for yourself. I only know that what I did was right for me.

I think I'm rambling - sorry about that - it's been a long day at work. I hope you can read through the murkiness and understand what I'm trying to say.

Hook 'em.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How long do affairs last?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Generally 6 months to 2 years from D-Day.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
How long since H left me and kids and lives with her will he come back?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Probably 6 months to any time after that.

I am no expert and my story is not a success story. I have been divorced for 6 months now and my X has been the OM ever since. She is spending Thanksgiving with his family as I type this.

3 months after our divorce I started seeing someone. To me I am having an affair because I am still in-love with my X. Our situation is unusually, yes. However I have been able to experince the emotions and feelings both as a BS and a WS (AFTER THE DIVORCE, I never had an EA or PA while married).

Why all the wonderful words before he left? Probably because they are true. Why did he leave? Because he was hurting.

Your marriage wasn't as good as you two think and love never goes away. The question of in-love is a harder concept. My X and I said many of the same things to each other, but we both know differently now. The past 6 months have been filled with the worst FOG, pain and hurt. We still talk to each other and are becoming friends again even as bad as things are.

Reconciliation is ALWAYS possible if you both love each other and are willing to work on it. If you want to reconcile DO NOT GET DIVORCED. A divorce is an emotional string you do not want to cut in my opinion and personal experience.

Why has he ditched the kids and even his friends? Those are people who do not approve of what he has down and in the case of the kids he has hurt them and lost some of there respect. He can't be happy if is force to face the pain he has caused. It is not intentional or malicious. It is purely survival for him.

He has to believe her because he is with her and meeting his needs. If he believes you that means he made a mistake and his happiness is false.

I miss my X terribly. People will give you advice and even demand you to do certain things on here. Take it all with a grain of salt and do what is right for you. My X is still with OM completely, but I am being her friend and attempting to win her back. This is very hard to do and I am subjected to so much pain and hurt. For me this is what I know I have to do for her. When I can't do it anymore I will stop.

Ironically my X trusts what the OM says even though she is learning he lies and deceives. She still ask my opinion or flat out asks me what to do on some important things. I answer her, but I ask her why she doesn't ask the OM? They need to trust that the sweet things and love they here is real whether it is or not. Other things they need to have the truth on they come to the person they know that can trust.

People who have affairs are hurt, desperate and will do anything to get what they need. I think all of us on here see there X's doing things for the OP's that you wish they'd do for you. How many of us have said "Why wasn't he/she like that for me?" The WS is a damaged goods, they need there needs met and they do what they have to to accomplish that.

Fight for your H if you want him, but don't lose yourself. Play dirty, but do not lie, deceive or violate trust. You were with your H a long time. You know what makes him tick. Let him see what he is missing out on. Be strong for yourself, your children and your H. Do that and even if you don't get your H back you'll still be a winner.

I thank you very much for all your help.

Our marriage was good. Since the end of June it started to go down hill. He was working to jobs, on being a deputy sheriff and then getting off and comming home and helping me with the two babies. We have four children altogether(5,4,20mnths,9mnths). With the lack of sleep from both of us especially him and us nip picking at each other is what went wrong. Sitting and just talking was hard to do because one of us needed to get some kind of sleep ecspecially him. He told me in August that there was some on else but they were just friends. I told him then that he better figure out what he wanted because I was not going to waite around for ever. Infact I gave him till the next morning. He left came back after being plum drunk at his grandfathers grave and said that he could not loose me or our family that I was all he wanted and that he was still in love with me. The next weeks were great. i wish though that I found this site because I think he went through with drawls at the end of the third week. He became angry and mad leaving all the time saying he did not deserve to have me that he thought we neede time apart. I disagreed and fought him on that one. He had just had a week off to "find himself" and the boys and I wanted him home. He got mad and said i did not understand I did not I told him that he got so mad that he kicked a trash can and spaind his foot. That's when he took me home said that he loves me and that he will pick up our son from school and we can talk latter he never came home. Today is thanksgiving and not one phone call from him. He does not call to see how the kids are doing or me for that matter. Our 20 month old got his staples taken out yesterday. I called him last week and told OW to tell him what happened but I never heard from him(she probaly did not even tell him). I am taking better care of my self though. I have lost 20 pouund need to lose more but I am doing it the healthy way. I know that if our M does not pull through or we don't pull through I will be fine. Yes my heart willl breake and I willnever get over this he is my first love and I know with every fiber in me he is who I was ment to be with. There is no question about it. High school sweethearts and everything. He is sopposed to have the boys this week end so I will see how things are. I have distance my self from him just that one call to let him know about our son and thats it. I never in a million years though this was going to happen to me but I guess no one does and no one deserves it well maybe the OP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

they think they are in dreamland they dont care about what the X spouse & children are doing. It doesnt matter if they have food or a place to live. Their only concern is their new life. Old friends are thrown away & replaced with the people that share their lifestyle. Their only concern is making the person they are with now happy. I do not want my X back, ours was a nasty D. Son wont talk to him, or see his dad. X is telling me he is happy with this person she is all he wants. talked with OW X, he paints a different story to the fairytale. X now has to deal with another man & his 3 boys who dont like him. X says he hates me, he blames the pain he is going through on me. I believe he is feeling guilt & it is getting to him. He lost everything he had, his wife, child, & home life, true friends. Savings that took us years to save is all gone to lawyers. His new life is filled with lies, money problems, her X & 3 kids, no trust, friends who cheat. after talking with OW X I believe OW will go back to her X in the future. the excitment of the A is over they have to live in the real world now. they have been together since sept 2001, x has never called our home to talk with his only son. they are engaged. X doesnt pay what the court ordered him to. The pattern is the same for all cheaters.

m-17 yrs, 9mts, 12 days
x-43, me-48
c-13, 29, 8 gd
d-5-02

OW-32
C-3 under 10
d-7-02
m-10yrs