I don't know how much this was on the news around the world but to make a long story short 3 women that left Boston to start college in Atlanta were shot by one of the girls boyfriend. 2 died and the intended victim (the girlfriend) was the only survivor. Patrice Lassiter died instantly and Monique Brown died 2 days ago. Monique Brown's mother was a friend of my family. Monique's mother tried but luckily failed to commit suicide after her only child died 2 days ago(that part has not been in the paper). We will never know the real pain in life, and that is the pain of losing a child! Monique's mother sent her daughter off to college proud of the fact that Monique was NOT another statistic. She didn't do drugs, didn't become pregnant at a young age. Instead she and her friends finished high school and were about to begin the rest of their lives in college in Atlanta!! Their parents were all so grateful to get these girls away from the pressures of some of the bad things that happen in the urban area's of Boston. (Update: They finally caught the skumbag boyfriend yesterday, he and a friend had a shoot-out with the police, and the police didn't even know it was him they had in custody at first, they had pulled them over for a simple traffic violation, isn't it funny how things work out) All of this just brings things into perspective for me. I am here moping around feeling sorry for myself H has done me wrong. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying our pain of being betrayed is not real, because i know it is very real. But no heartache compares to what these parents now have to live with for the rest of their lives, they have to bury their babies. I have accepted that their is nothing I can do to change the past and I will never understand why it was doneto me, but what I am going to do is love those closest to me and what ever happens from their is just something that is a part of living and growing in life. I can't make anyone treat me the way I think they should. I can only love them the best I know how and the rest is up to them. They have a choice and whatever they do with that choice, I can take from their and move on to the next issue in my life. I have thrown out all letters that OW sent to me (correspondence between she and H, to let me know what was going on) and have deleted emails between she and I that i kept as a reminder of what my H is capable of. I am going to live for MY future not for what hurtful things someone has done to me in the past! I know I will still have some good days and some bad days, but time will take care of it. I guess I am rambling, I just have to do this. I know I will never forget and I don't know if I am saying that I forgive completely, though i want to. I know I am just moving forward, getting out of my "Woes Me", living for the misery and start living for the happiness. I have never been religious and will always question the existance of God (please don't hold it against me, I don't feel like having a debate on religion at this time), but i hope that if their is SOMETHING/Body up there, that it helps the families and friends of these bright ladies who were ready to shine, but were never givin the chance. TO ALL, please take this time no matter what happens to shine for the sake of your life, your future and YOURSELF!!!! thank you, i hope I made sense.<BR>signed,<BR>"FINALLY FORGIVING"

Thank you for sharing this with us.<P>My sympathies to all involved and I'm sorry that this has hit so close to home. But then again, all tragedies are close to home for someone - aren't they. It's strange how we don't think of things that way all the time.<P>It is a good message that you have shown us - there are things in our lives that we need to let "shine" despite all the pain and devastation we are all in various stages of.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Finally Forgiving, <P>Wonderful revelation. Your message of moving on and not dwelling in the past is something we all need to hear. <P>Like you, I'm loving the best I know too. the rest IS up to them. <P>Thanks for your post,<P>SHA

My thoughts are with you today....You stated exactly what I am telling myself these past few days. I destroyed all physical evidence of OW and am moving forward with my life. I will continue to love to the best of my ability and if I get hurt in the process, I will learn more and continue on with my life. I realized first I had to love myself to be able to love my family. Thank you for your insight.

Thanks all...Zombie you are correct...we have to learn to love ourselves again.

Great message. I've been dwelling over my wife's recent affair. I agree with you. However, can you tell me what you do to forget what happened. I'm trying to deal with the deception. If it had been a one night stand, I think I would of gotten over it. Although I need reassurance from my wife that she never stopped loving me, my mind starts wondering and I ask myself how could she continue doing this to me if she loved me. Any advice? My condolences to the family. My neighbor died yesterday. She left three children 15, 8, 3 years old. That made me think about what's important in life. I don't want to go thinking about her affair and regretting having wasted all this energy on the past. How do you cope? I've read Dr. HArley's books and have gone to counseling. I need to hear solutions from people who have through it, not studied about it. Take care and good luck.<BR>I just recently became religious and understand your views. But still, God bless you.

Thank you for giving us some perspective.<P>My condolences to you and to the families of those girls.

To Pain<BR>I understand your thoughts on your W's recent affair. It is good that you are going to counseling. The only thing that I can tell you is that it is going to take time. Since it is recent it is all fresh in your mind. But it will take months and maybe over a year before you are at a place when you start to feel comfortable with your wife. My situation happened over a year and I still think about it everyday!! But the pain is not as harsh as it was then. You will have to come to terms with the fact that you may never understand how/why she did this too you. They can come up with every excuse or justify that they weren't getting this or that, but in our minds we could never have treated the person we love with such hateful treatment. But, now I am starting to realize that no matter what is said to try to get a clear understanding of why it will never be enough! That understanding, and time has helped me a lot. Also, I know that he and I view things very differently and we definitely need counseling. I am going to check into Dr. Harley's phone counseling. Let me know how you are doing.

just bringing this to the top for Camarick to read.