I haven't been posting much...but have been lurking......

This has and is going to be a hard holiday season on me too. Last year I was just trying to show everyone I could survive....this year, I am just tired of...everything.

My exH is busy rewriting history still...explaining to all the kids that Leslie had nothing to do with the breakup of our marriage--we just didn't get along. Yea right...When I look back now...it was hard to get along, because he was having affairs. Oh well. The holidays are difficult--everybody wants things the same---and I am running out of energy to do it all. Actually, I am just out of steam, period.

We used to love this part of the year...putting up lights, cutting down a tree, decorating the house, entertaining. Now it just seems like too much work....but my kids still expect it. It didn't seem so hard when there was two of us.

Anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I have three of my kids home--one lucky one got to go to Florida. I envy her!!!

Better go run and make the gravy...miss talking with you all. Pat

I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. My WH has done the same thing, used the same words, done a darn fine job of re-writing our lives for the last few years. I get so tired, some days it would just be easier to believe him rather than the truth. Take heart, we'll get through this holiday season. I want to do it with some sense of style, so that in his weakest moments (and I know he has them!!) he'll question his decision. I may never know for sure when he does this, but it WILL happen. Our holidays past were too special (at least I thought so) for this thought to not cross his mind. All the bravado is covering a lot of guilt, and I think that probably goes for your XH too. Think on that note I'll go pour myself a nice spiked glass of eggnog!! patti

Dear broken x 3,

Thanks for the reply. I have had kind of a down time yesterday and today.

My little guys just got back from their apt. He tried to convince them again that he is really happy with Leslie and that she was not the cause of our divorce. My oldest daughter came home from college yesterday and he has been trying to convince her of the same thing. It makes me sad.

I guess he will never come out of the fog....I don't know how he can stand to look at himself in the mirror.

Oh well, we had a nice Thanksgiving--great food and my daughter brought two of her friends to join us--so it was fun. Wish I could get out of feeling so down.

It is just so hard to let go of 25 years. And I really did love and support him. It is just such a slap in the face when I hear the kids talking about what he is saying. How can he continue to believe that crap....I don't know. He called here this morning at 7:30, 8:00 and 11:30 to try to talk to the kids for Thanksgiving--

Amazingly, he is in an all out effort to win back the kids' affection....this is after ignoring them for the last 1 1/2 years. He treats me like an absolute stranger. We sold our retirement home and are still struggling with what bills need to be paid off first. He owes my mother who is 80 years old $12,800--which he is refusing to pay. He is trying to say that that loan is just my debt alone now...he said he will take me back to court over it...yuck...what a loser. Oh well...my emotional and physical reactions to him and his antics are wearing me out....I am so sick of this mess. I wish I would have gotten out years ago. Hindsight!!!! Thanks for letting me vent....Pat

Pat,

So sorry to hear of your rough last few days. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I hear your pain, and totally understand your pain, and feel your frustration. Being in this situation is almost surreal isn't it?...as tho we're watching some horrific show and then get reminded over and over that it's NOT a show - it's our life now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

But, just to remind you that (as a friend of mine often quotes to me) "this too shall pass". We Will survive, because we are walking in God's light, and as long as we stay focused, He will see us through. You will make it! Do something nice for yourself - pamper yourself. Take care.

pat, I can so identify with what you're going through - my husband is doing the same thing with our girls. Before he went "crazy" again, during our 2 month reconciliation, he insisted on spending mega bucks on our oldest daughter's wedding, even though she would have been content with much less, all to be the "Big Daddy". Things went down hill very fast after the wedding and I believe that is when contact with the OW started again. Since then, it's been like if he had a big eraser he would erase any trace of me out of his life and keep everyone else just the same. He bought our middle daughter a "new" used car, even though he has been out of work for months and our savings are just about gone. He instant messages or calls our youngest almost daily - this is the same child he didn't even mention the first time he left!! Now he's trying for father of the century. He emailed many mutual friends to tell them he had decided to end our marriage for "personal reasons" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and emphasized that he had moved into a nearby apartment so that he could be close to his "baby". He repeatly tells people and our girls that the OW had nothing to do with it, she isn't even in his life right now (LOL) and he should have divorced me ten years ago, but he kept making a herculan effort for the sake of the kids. Geez, he seemed to be pretty happy to me, but he lead a double life for so long, it's hard to tell what's real and what isn't. At least my oldest girls know he's full of s---!!! The 16 year old just would like her family back - sorry kiddo, he's FOGGED OUT!! Anyway, you're not alone in watching the manipulative games they play. So far I have been successful in staying patient and calm, but one of these days he is going to push the wrong button!! You sound like an incredibly patient person to me and I'm sorry he has worn you down with this nonsense. Thinking of you.

(((((((((Pat))))))))))))

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have three of my kids home--one lucky one got to go to Florida. I envy her!!!

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Come visit me in Florida !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We used to love this part of the year...putting up lights, cutting down a tree, decorating the house, entertaining. Now it just seems like too much work....but my kids still expect it. It didn't seem so hard when there was two of us.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you mean!!!! Last year was the worst. WH said he would be home on the 18th and didn't show up until the 23rd.( Things were hot & heavy with OW2 at that point, but I didn't know yet. I knew OW1 was over and was sooo hopeful. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ) He had always been Mr Christmas & him not putting up decorations until the last minute sucked. Then he left unexpectedly on the 27th or so. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> This year, there is no way I'm going thru that so I decided to take the kids to my Moms and both our families are there including WH. I hadn't said anything yet, but YS was talking excitedly about it & WH just kinda kept quiet.

Thanksgiving is different. Everyone was home, we had tons of food. My alanon sponsor suggested that I have no expectations and for the most part that is working. YS wanted to play games tonight & asked his Dad, but he didn't want to play. That irked me but if i have no expectations then I won't expect him to do anything.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He tried to convince them again that he is really happy with Leslie and that she was not the cause of our divorce. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yah, yah, yah. Guilt, guilt, guilt !!!!!

Pat hang in there! It is rough doing everthing by yourself. You have to learn how to do all the Mr Fix it stuff (that at least for me, I hate doing !) I still laugh about the thread where a woman wanted to get a rug out from under her bed. It was too darn heavy to move so she used her car jack to jack up the bed so she could move it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Some times I just have to tell myself " I CAN DO THIS "

Good to hear from you Pat!

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ November 28, 2002, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pat hang in there! It is rough doing everthing by yourself. You have to learn how to do all the Mr Fix it stuff (that at least for me, I hate doing !) I still laugh about the thread where a woman wanted to get a rug out from under her bed. It was too darn heavy to move so she used her car jack to jack up the bed so she could move it. Some times I just have to tell myself " I CAN DO THIS "</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMAO! Ummmm, that was ME! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I tell ya, necessity is the mother of invention.

Car Jack's ROCK man!

Jo

Jo,

So it was you! I couldn't remember who had written that but as you can see, it impressed the heck out of me!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

D.

Pat, missed you but like you I mainly lurk.

Like you again, I miss my family, & the sad thing for me the stillSTBX does also. Yet he had the OW join him & the boys at his parents. I didn't react very well, & he is saying he had no choice, blah, blah, The boys weren't happy either. I then spent the night before Thanksgiving with my YS at my parents, YS was sick & wouldn't go back to his dad that afternoon, he cried himself to sleep, that he didn't want to go, he wanted to fly home with mommy, not ride back with daddy, he hates OW or so he tells me. He then started sobbing how much he hates divorce. Really a fun way for the holidays. Then I return him to my in laws & I was crushed that my BIL didn't come out to see me. OS knew I was upset as I had tears, so did STBX, think it torn him up.

OH well we will get through this but when does the pain really end?

Pat,

You are sounding better today!!!! I too have missed you and think often about how you are doing!!!!

We have a different type of holiday for a variety of reasons will start my own thread on the subject!!!!

It is hard, I find that I really don't want to get the lights out and string them across the house, that was always my job he took them down and put them away!!! Am still not sure what is happening for Christmas as far as STBXH and the kids are concerned!!!! UGH asked him to let me know by the 15th!!!

Take care, remember there are people that are thinking of you and care for you!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Dawn and Sing and Resilient,

It was great hearing from all of you. Yes, it is definitely interesting trying to get all this holiday stuff done by yourself.

I got all the lights up with the help from some friends--the house looks great--eat your heart out Jim!!!! We may even work on the stupid wreath that he couldn't get up--just for spite.

Sing,
I am sorry to hear the pain is still there for you too--I hate this divorce. I am supposed to call Jim and tell him the schedule for Christmas--can't do it tho--I am afraid that I may not be able to control what I am really thinking about him taking the kids to Maine with all of his family --and of course his bimbo. It makes me sick.

Dawn,
How are you doing? I find that I still have high peaks and really low valleys of emotions--I still hate this whole mess. How can they not see it.

I was amazed. On Sunday an old B2 pilot friend of ours called to see how I was doing. He said he actually flew with Jim's bimbo on a flight. She evidently walked up to him after the flight and noticed his B2 pin--and said "Oh, you used to fly the B2 also. My boyfriend flew the B2". He turned to her and said "So, you're the one. Don't you realize what you have done. Jim has a great family with four wonderful kids and a great wife---you're 28---you don't know what you are doing." He said that it was like talking to a wall.

She is a real cool hussy---but I have known that all along. I really hate that I can't keep her away from my kids. I am not looking forward to Christmas. I think I am going to drive to Albuquerque and visit my mother and try to do some skiing. I would die at home without the kids.

Doesn't anyone else feel that they gave up their rights to the kids when they abandoned us? I hate that he gets them after all the pain and misery he has caused. Oh well....better run. Take care Pat