Okay ... as Harley has written, we are responsible, in part, for the deterioration of our marriages. But not at all responsible, in any shape or form, for the Affairs or Infidelity.

So, within that context ... how many are Divorced because of Infidelity/OP? And how many are Divorced because of "other"?

[Other = Abuse, Alcoholism, etc.]

Best,
Jo

p.s. I would use the "Poll" feature, but for whatever reason, it's no longer enabled to me.

<small>[ December 16, 2002, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I will soon be divorced at the end of January. My H filed on Halloween, he left immediatly and has been living with OW since. I have been in Plan A and B since, I have started to see signs of the 'fog' lifting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> He knows I do not want a divorce, but I signed to let him go because I loved him and could not make him stay. He may be seeing what his rash decision has done to his children, and his entire family.

So I guess I'm getting a divorce after 9 1/2 years of marriage because H (38) is still living with OW (21), go figure huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks, Usavings. I apologize if this brought back painful thoughts, Hon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll chime in too.

I am divorced because of my H's infidelities. He left me and divorced me for OW (his words). He said OW was the primary catalyst for our demise.

Jo

haha, My wife swears that it has nothing to do with the 4 other men she has been with in the last year. So I guess that means that NO, we are not getting divorced because of infidelity...

But then again, I am not sure why we are getting divorced otherwise. It must be because I "made it so that (she) had to jump at the first man to show her love." So it must be because I compelled her to be unfaithful. I guess I have had much more power over her than I ever thought another person could ever have. Man, now if I could only get into a position of authority like the presidency.

Could you imagine what sort of power I could wield in that office if I am capable of forcing this lovely, little, innocent, 4th gradeteacher, mother of two, into driving 150 miles and meeting a ten year younger married father of two? Wow, watch out Sadam, I will have you converted into a Jewish rabbi by Hannukah. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My H swears it has nothing to do with the OW he has been living a double life with for almost 5 years. It's all about him, his need to be free, and me and how many times I failed him and he has nothing left to give me....never mind that immediately after seeing his attorney to start the D paperwork, he drove directly to the Holiday Inn Express to meet her and "talk" - even before letting me know what he was doing. I just can't help but think she has a little to do with it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .... I agree, we do have something to do with the deterioration of our marriages, but how can you fix it if no tells you what is broken, not even a clue??? Anyway, count me in as getting the big D due to the OP.

I'm not divorced yet, but two attorneys are getting things ready. My wife won't say why we are getting divorced (except that this is 'right' for her), but the evidence of an affair is overwhelming. So, yes, as far as I am concerned, OM is the reason we are getting a divorce.

If he had not gone from me straight to her, where he has been ever since, I truly believe we would have come to a point where we could have worked on the marriage. However, even after all this time he is still heavily in the fog, and our divorce will be final on January 6th.

So, YES, our divorce is happening because of his infidelity.

Thanks, FC, Broken and DH.

For me, in the beginning, my ex-H tried to tell me that he just wanted to leave to be "single" again, to do what single people do, to have his OWN garage, to be able to work-out when he wanted, to be a loaner (shades of James Dean, LOL).

But alas, D-Day and all of it came out.

I asked him why he didn't leave before he decided to have another affair if he was so unhappy. He said "No one leaves a relationship unless there is someone else to leave FOR". He said it like it was an unwritten rule that I wasn't aware of, and he was enlightening me.

Kinda like that other unwritten rule he informed me of that I wasn't aware of, which is "a person can only keep a promise for so long"

Jo

<small>[ November 29, 2002, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Jo,

Think you know the answer in my case but for all the others it was the Slut of THE Woodlands, even the still STBX has now said that we could have worked it out it he had had enough courage to leave her.

Jacky,

I think my ex-H would have worked on us too if it wasn't for OW.

Before D-day, I had been Plan A'ing, although I didn't know it was called Plan A. My H told me he noticed changes, unsolicited I might add. And he told me he started to love me again.

So I know if OW would have bowed out of the picture .... we, he and I as a Team, would have at least tried.

Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sing:
even the [i]still STBX has now said that we could have worked it out it he had had enough courage to leave her.[/i]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Sing ....

"COURAGE"? Does she have a gun to his head? Is she a female wrestler and will pummel him with her giant arms if he leaves???? .... Sheeesh!

IMHO, Sing, what takes courage is to come back to your marriage and rebuild it. At least he admits he is taking the easy way out. Anything worthwhile takes dedication, commitment and consistency .... nurturing. Staying married is not a destination, it's a journey. He is stuck in the mind-set of the beginning of his journey(s), because that's the fun part. He doesn't want to do the work. Sounds like a "Doom-to-Repeat" case to me.

Gosh Sing ... sorry, I went off there, huh. Sorry, I think I'm just frustrated for you and the kids.

I hope you are well, Honey.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ November 29, 2002, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Resilent, what you just posted struck me...all through this divorce process, which he started and whines about on occasion, I have told him that the door is open, he can stop this at any time and we can talk about REALLY working on our marriage and rebuilding. I have told him I will work with him to build the kind of life he wants to have. But after I made that offer, to which I got no kind of committal whatsoever, I started to wonder....could I do it if he asked? I have been betrayed and lied to so many times, would it really be possible to rebuild together. My heart wants to believe it could be...but my head says something else....just a thought....

OOOOOOOOO I want to chime in on this one!!!!

Yes I am being divorced because of his love for the OW!!! UGH!!!

STBXH told me once that he had thought about doing this before. I said "yeah but you weren't man enough then and you are not man enought now to stay" It made sense to me at the time.

STBXH said at the one and only conseling session we went to is that "he needs to be happy" I asked "are you un-happy?" he stated No! So my thought is it is all her!!!!

In the state of SD I can and probably will sue her for alienation of affection. Need to get the divorce papers signed by the judge first!!! Wouldn't be getting the $$$ that I am if I had to go to court. Guilt!!! It's a wonderful thing!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Res,

Gee if you asked my wife she would say thats its normal to want to sleep with your boss. After all, the night I found out I wouldnt let her sleep...she had to go to work the next day...I pulled off the blankets...she actually told the judge this....so you see what I was working with.

Its been two years now...actually at this point I think she did me the biggest favor in the world.

Hey Im out dating now...after the rejection and low feeling of being a BS...I now get to be rejected by all sorts of women...gotta love it.

And you thought I was kidding about going after the emotionally and love starved women at MB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

HAaaaaaaaaaa

Actually our marital problems were quite small and easily solved had I or we known about MB...after her affair which continues to this day.... Well, its hard when there are three.

In the end I am very happy...I now have it all....just cant wait to have someone to share that with....I waited over 2 years...look out girls <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ya right...

Love (well like anyway),

Randy

<small>[ November 29, 2002, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: Randy0220 ]</small>

You'll find Ms. Right, Randall. I have faith in you.

It'll happen when you have forgotten all about it, and least expect it. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom.

Like,
Jo

<small>[ November 30, 2002, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Well Hello to All,
I see some familiar names....it has been over a year since I posted at MB. Well a quick update...My H moved out last October and was with OW immediately....I filed for Divorce in Decemeber of last year ....still not divorced...not sure when it will be final. H has since moved in with other woman...as of August of this year...they have a new house, two new vehicles...all the latest toys....Our children...we have three sons....oldest one (15 1/2) will have very little to do with H....other two sons....soon to be 11 and 3 visit him every other weekend at his and OW home....he still hates the sight of me....says I ran him off...neglected him...the same old story....that he is happy with OW and living the good life...so...I guess I will be single sometime in the next few months and am wondering how all will work out....back to your question ....did he leave because of OW....yes, I believe that....I believe that no one leaves until there is someone else waiting in the wings....yes, if she hadnt been available for him...we may have been able to work out our problems.....I do think it is much easier for the WS to leave rather than face the difficult task of saving the marriage.....working through the pain is difficult and so many of them opt out to just make a fresh start with thier new found loves.....it's so sad to see them throw away everything.....not even realizing it.....and yes, it hurts so verry much.....so.....after a years absence from the sight....I am back looking for support now that I feel there will not be a second chance for us.....At this point, I dont have it in me to continue to hope......It still amazes me that parents can just walk away from their families.....anyway.....I am trying to heal myself, realize that I need to be whole before I can be involved with someone else and just see what God has instore for me.....really not looking back at this point.

I'm not divorced yet but will hopefully be so by late April 2003. My WW has had two A and this latest one is the main reason for our divorce. There are others factors too, but the latest A is the biggest one for me. You can fool me once, fool me twice, but not a third time. No person deserves that - not even once. And I only know of two, there could be more for all I know.

Mmmm...I'll have to answer both "yes" and "no" to this question.

On the surface, I am divorced because of an affair. At the time, even my XW believed that she was leaving me to be with OM.

Yet I've come to the realization (approaching the 2 year anniversary of the divorce) that the affair was not the real reason we're not married anymore. The OM was just her way of showing me just how dysfunctional our marriage really had become. He was the catalyst that pushed her "over the edge," so to speak, but one of us would have gone over that edge eventually.

It was hard for me to admit, but I figured out in the past year that we never really should have gotten married. The farther I get away from her, the more I think "what the hell did I see in her?"

Now, every time I see her, I am happy that I'm no longer married to her. It is almost like she did me a favor. Is it wrong to think that way?

I have been married twice to infidels.

Infidel#1 would tell you that he dumped me for his football watching and yelling, motorcycle, trailer park momma.

Infidel#2 would say the craggy 48 year old groupie was not the issue at all.

The BS would tell you I backed off both marriages because I just can't handle infidelity. I can handle a lot but infidelity is just so out there. It's television, soaps, movies, and Jerry Springer. To this day I still find it shocking that somebody can actually do it.

It is so weak that these people don't have the balls to leave without having a replacement. What a horrible way to begin a relationship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

IS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cjack:

It was hard for me to admit, but I figured out in the past year that we never really should have gotten married. The farther I get away from her, the more I think "what the hell did I see in her?"

Now, every time I see her, I am happy that I'm no longer married to her. It is almost like she did me a favor. Is it wrong to think that way?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope, not at all IMHO, Cjack.

I'm reading "Coming Apart" by D. R. Kingma, and she says more times than not, the BS feels this way. I guess after enough distance, both emotionally and in time, we (BS) get to see things from a different view.

I also have to admit I'm thankful for being out of my Ex-H's triangles. They were very destructive.

Best,
Jo