</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by InShock:

The BS would tell you I backed off both marriages because I just can't handle infidelity. I can handle a lot but infidelity is just so out there. It's television, soaps, movies, and Jerry Springer. To this day I still find it shocking that somebody can actually do it.

It is so weak that these people don't have the balls to leave without having a replacement. What a horrible way to begin a relationship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

IS</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi InShock,

Good to see you post, Hon.

I wonder too about these adultry-based relationships. What do they tell people when asked "How did you two meet?" .... ????

I look at my Ex and his OW and wonder how they bury the shame of their relationship. How they rationalize how they started and all that they have done .... betrayal, uncaring, deceit, manipulation, vicious verbal abuse, illicit sex ... how do they make their life together, a lie, livable?

All I can think is they're masters of denial.

Jo

<small>[ December 01, 2002, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Other.

Gee, Resilient, I never thought of that..answering the question about how they met...boy, wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall at THAT dinner party...but heck, they'll have some great story concocted and the sad thing is, they'll believe it themselves. After all, how can you stand in the way of two "soulmates"??

Divorced 4-16-01

Given the way she's acted since, I figure she know she screwed up.

She married OM in 9-02. I believe she did so because she is simply incapable of living by herself. Sick, sad.

I have custody of our 6 yo daughter.

Life goes on...

Kevin

I probably shouldn't even answer this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, every time I see her, I am happy that I'm no longer married to her. It is almost like she did me a favor. Is it wrong to think that way? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CJack, I don't feel this way ever (sarcasm).

We were separated for a long time, then got back together. After she came back home, she was still seeing the OM. I began to ask what I was doing, or more accurately, what I was hoping to accomplish. After we got divorced there was such a sense of relief. There were so many things that I should have paid attention to before we were married. It's amazing how well 20/20 hindsight works.

If it wasn't this OM, it would have been another one eventually, I think.

I don't know if I'm answering this the right way. I've never used one of these forum things.

I am divorced because of my infidelity.

I would give anything in the world to be back with my husband. The affair is over.

I would say the last affair my ex H had was responsible for the break up of our marriage. Apparently he cheated on me once before this, but he "loved me too much to leave me" that time. (Fine way to show that love!) He married OW 4 days after our divorce was final, and she was formerly one of my best friends. Obviously our marriage wasn't what I thought it was, as I never in a million years thought he would cheat and/or leave his family. (while I was pregnant with our third child, no less) He started a pattern of poor moral behavior, though, so if it wasn't this OW, it probably would've been another one.

I'm with the "happy to be set free" crowd. He turned into an immoral, unhappy man, and I am much better without him. My young children are the biggest losers, though, and my heart will forever break for giving them the legacy of a broken home. I did everything I could to save our marriage, and in the end I couldn't do it alone.

<small>[ December 01, 2002, 11:18 PM: Message edited by: WhoamInow ]</small>

This is kind of a hard one for me.

My 1st thought is that since I din't know about the affair til I was already divorced, yet I was willing to file, then that must mean that I'm divorced for "other"

But then I look at her unwillingness to work on any issue or try to be civil and have to presume that was due to the affair, and so I say that it was because of the affair.

I'm sure that some where in between lies the truth.

Well...let's see...she denied she was having an affair prior to D-Day....after D-day said affair had nothing to do with her reasons for ending the marriage....OM was her HS sweetheart she hadn't been with in almost 25 years.....they bought a condo 6 months after separation and married this past September....

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, IS IT A DUCK?

Jo,
Infidelity, alcohol, and drugs are all factors. MOW is also a drug/alcohol abuser. I believe now that OW's, at least EA's, were always a part of my H's life, but he always "loved" me. I was in denial since the signs were there, but I accepted his lies.

Our relationship really began to come apart when I got diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy 4.5 years ago. He stopped having sex with me and I felt too inadequate to make much of an issue of it. Over the next two years, I was preoccupied with treatment and reconstructive surgery. During this time, WH began drinking and using drugs again after almost 10 years clean and sober.

Just as I was finally feeling better, H was apparently planning his escape. I seduced my H in the hot tub and for the next 4 months he screamed at me constantly about an old boyfriend from 20 years ago who my WH claimed that I was still in love with, despite my denials. He'd read in my journal that I was missing sex and I'd written about how this guy was the last person in my life who'd been attracted to me (my self-esteem is much better now!).

Then, two years ago tomorrow he moved out and moved in, the same day, with a much younger also married employee. The irony is that we continued to have sex, went to several MC's, he made repeated promises to get sober, until about 6 months ago when I finally had had enough and gave him an ultimatum to choose sobriety and me or drugs, alcohol, and OW.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Adultery. Adultery. And the cruel treatment and mental torture that goes along with it. That is what I filed under. Oh, and irrevocable breakdown. Stbx wants to have me drop those charges and will give me more if I only do that.

Oh to hide the truth. To him that would be as if his sin never happened. He still doesn't believe that his affairs is what caused our imepending d.

You know, I would like to go on a moral vacation too one day in the paradise that has to be lala land so I could just have a break from living and thinking like a normal person.

saturday X tells me & son he was leaving to be with MOW. Sunday said he would make our M work. Tuesday gets caught down dirt road in patrol car with MOW, rumors are she was doing her regular oral sex on him. left home a couple of weeks later came back for 6 weeks trying to make M work. caught seeing her before going to work. Gave him a choice, he left that night. moved in with her nov 2001, both now D, they are engaged. son will not have any contact with him or OW. X told us it wasnt A, just oral sex, now trying to tell us they both fell in love after both were D. Our D papers reads MOW broke our M up, Adultery is what broke our M up. It was his choice not mine. If X had left this woman alone we would still be M & our family together. heard from OW X, she is having second thoughts about leaving her X, & not being able to see her kids but only 2 weeks out of the month.

m-17yrs, 9mts, 12 days
me-48, X-43
C-13, 29. 8gd
d-5-23-02

ow-32
c-3 under 10
d-7-02
m-10yrs

Just to add my 2 cents - my WH said the same to me, why would I file "indignities" on my divorce decree, that was not the reason for this divorce. He would have left me 10 years ago, but for the children, that's how long he has been putting up with me...boy, he did a good job of pretending that he loved me!! I can't file adultry anymore, because we tried to reconcile and that involved "intimate contact", so I can only file on indignities now, but that still makes him angry!!! Anyway, Peachy I know how you feel. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm definitely divorced due to my A . Add me to the list, sadly so.

H_P

ps still holding out hope for forgiveness and reconciliation with exH.

We are definitely divorced because of my ex's latest affairs---altho he still continues to deny that. In fact, he spent the better part of Thanksgiving trying to convince the kids of that again. What a crock. Pat

Apart from not seeing her in 4 years because she ran off with wankstain, her affair is the reason I'm divorced.

Just so you all know, once we receive a healthy number of responses (from WS & BS alike), I will be posting the results.

Jo

WW would only state that divorce felt right even though she was not sure if it was the proper choice, no "OM" supposedly. I moved out 11/15/02 & OM moved in 11/16/02, so, I definitely think EA/OM was the reason for our divorce.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LostSoul28:
WW would only state that divorce felt right even though she was not sure if it was the proper choice, no "OM" supposedly. I moved out 11/15/02 & OM moved in 11/16/02, so, I definitely think EA/OM was the reason for our divorce.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GOOD GRIEF!!!

Good thing to know she WASN'T having an affair, LostSoul. Else, who knows .... OM may have moved in even BEFORE you moved out. <major sarcasm>

Jo

<small>[ December 16, 2002, 03:51 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Not certain how well received this will be but as WH I can assure you my stbx is filing because of my EA's/PA's.

I have done so much searching around here so I could feel the pain I dished out for so and too long! I have ruined any chance of having even an amicable dv take place. I realize my stbx is very hurt and angry with my rotten sinful past. I suppose in time we may one day be friends but for now and as of yesterday, I hung up on her as she finally told me she is exclusive with OM!

I know how immature and insecure I was for many different reasons and regret every single action I took to compensate for my lack of confidence in self and marriage.

Seeing the pain that ALL BS's have or are going thru, I wish to apologize to each and everyone of you! The sanctity of marriage today seems to be a value of yester year, but as sure as I know God will not foresake me, I am diligently working toward rebuilding a new JEFF!

With every passing day I will continue to grow in Christ and only pray that he place before me a Christian woman whom I can uphold, uplift edify and affirm all the days of our lives!

For now, I focus on his will and plan for rebuilding that NEW man!

In Christ's Name!
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