Hi,
Has anyone here filled out their own D kit, from AZ. I'm not a total dummy, but this thing is a little overwhelming. I cannot afford a lawyer and this is about the only choice I have at this point. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks

I've been working on one too. There's no kids involved, so it's a relatively uncomplicated matter in my case of dividing household contents, vehicles, and the equity in the house. My stbx is the problem! Those kits are for uncontested divorces only. That means getting cooperation. That aspect alone has thrown me into a tailspin of being depressed. I've been walking on eggshells trying to figure out how to broach the subject. FA, does your stbx know your intentions?

Hi,
Thanks for the reply. According to mine, I can file it and he can contest it, but would need an attorney. I am having trouble with the CS calculations. I'm pretty good with math but I feel so overwhelmed with this I can't even think straight.

Are you in Az? If so, he doesn't have to agree or sign before you file. He will have 20 days to sign or contest it. If he doesnt contest it in 20 days, it goes through anyway. I just don't want to mess the forms up and have to wait even longer.

I haven't told him I'm filling them out but he does know that is my intention. I don't expect to get any help from him as he is being a jerk right now. I wish so bad that I could afford a lawyer to help me do this.

We have kids and property. A lot of paperwork!

OMG I'm such a dork! Just had a light bulb moment. Somehow I had the impression that the papers get filed with BOTH our signatures on it! I'd better go through instructions again. If I can file with just my signature on it, that might make my path a little smoother!

The kit I bought has a support line telephone number. Does yours? It's my understanding that child support calculations are defined by law and use some kind of formula. I don't envy your task! I'm in TX. It's a no fault, community property state.

Hi Free! I did the same thing you are doing now... back in June of '98 in Alaska. It only works if you and your Mate are in Agreement, sign each page together and file it together at your local Family Court. Otherwise, it's a total waste of time.
Just my $.02 from past experience.
Best of Luck to you, Harold

Hi,
According to my kit, we do not have to be in agreement. One or the other can file the, like I said earlier, the respondent has 20 days to contest it and if they donetest it, the instructions say they need to get a lawyer. If they don't contest it and don't even sign it, it will go through any way. I think each state is different.

Sauron, do you say that because it's easy to make mistakes, or is that how yours had to be filled out? We don't have family court, it has to be filed with the superior ct in the county you live in.

I'm going to call the court tomorrow and find out for sure. I don't have all of his financial info and don't even want to ask for it because he is so hard to talk to. Matter of fact, if he would have talked to me back when I asked him to when I told him we has some major problems and needed to talk and he said that I had a major problem and needed to learn my place and get in it, I probably would'nt even have to be filling it out at all!
Thanks for the info and I will check on it.
Free

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't have all of his financial info and don't even want to ask for it because he is so hard to talk to.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You and me both! My kit is like Sauron's. It clearly states that both parties must be in agreement. If there's any disagreement, then it's not uncontested. So, free, is your kit for uncontested divorce? Sounds mighty different than the kit I have.

Hi Free,

I was on the receiving end of one of these! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now, we had agreed to divorce, had already split property, and there were no child support issues, so my situation was a bit different.

I think the "default" divorce petition you're filing was intended for uncontested divorces, or divorces in which one spouse is either unable or unwilling to respond...like if he had skipped town and you couldn't track him down, the court could still grant you a divorce.

The question you have to ask yourself is: Will he fight it? Can he afford a lawyer to fight it?

If so, then you might be wasting your time. You need to make it very clear to him exactly what you intend to do, and what he needs to do to avoid a legal battle. If he doesn't look like he's going to go along with your plan, you'll need to get a lawyer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Free:
<strong>Hi,
According to my kit, ... I think each state is different.

Sauron, do you say that because it's easy to make mistakes, or is that how yours had to be filled out? We don't have family court, it has to be filed with the superior ct in the county you live in.

Thanks for the info and I will check on it.
Free</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Free! No, I said that because we had to sign each page then file it in the City Circuit Court. Of course, it was in Fairbanks, Alaska - and Alaska is one strange place - many things are done differently up there. However, at the end of this entire "Dissolution Of Marriage With Children" Kit, there was another signature page that had to be signed and notarized at the same time with Witnesses. We purchased as a couple (ha! one of the final few things we actually did together) the Kit from Fred Meyer store in Fairbanks. I couldn't advise you on the question about do both parties need to sign - sorry. Only that in my particular case, it did have to be done together at same time with witnesses and notarized - and the Court Clerk does Notary Service at no cost to you if the papers are being filed right then and there. Hope this was helpful.
May God Bless, Harold

Hi you guys,
I've been busy so it took me a while to get back. New developments here and I won't be needing the kit right now. H came in Sun. morn. and asked what was going to happen with us and I told him I was finished. He asked if I had filed and I said not yet and asked if I was going to and I said yes. We talked a little and later we started talking and he asked me when I was going to file, before or after Christmas? I asked him when he wanted to and he said he never wanted to. I said sorry, I have had it. He said I had a wall built up and I told him people build walls to keep from getting hurt. He asked what had happened to cause me to build this wall and I told him of the major things that had caused me to withdraw. Then he said why do you drag up so much from the past and I asked him why do I have so much to drag up... End of discussion...Anyway this went on for an hour and his mindset was still that he was right I was wrong blah blah blah. I calmly said I cannot nor do I want to live like this any longer. He cried all day and did a lot of heavy thinking I guess. The kids and I put up the tree and decorated and he sat and watched us. Last night he came to bed and asked me what he had to do to be able to work this out. He was very humble and I believe sincere. Now that I have my mind made up and worked through the agony of splitting he honestly wants to work it out. You guys probably don't know my story but it's one of years of abuse, mental, and physical. He doesn't see it that way but we all do (the kids and I) Anyway I told him that I think he needs to see a IC and we probably need family and M C. I think he needs to see a Dr. for his depression and he will have to start treating us with respect and consideration because he is the meanest person I know. I was totaly honest with him b/c at this point I have nothing to loose. He said he would do what ever it takes to make it right and he wants to stay here. I told him I would be willing to work at it but not to expect too much too soon from me because I don't know if my feelings are just locked up or gone. I was able to cry tho and I have not even been able to even cry for a long time.

I prayed yesterday, that if I should try again to let him come to me and and ask to work it out. My feelings were that I was through and ready to move on. But... as God will have it, I will work on it. I hope my feelings return for him. I know he loves me he just doesn't know how to show it and has a lot of issues he needs to work on, like denial for one. He did admit that he has made a lot of mistakes and is trying to correct them. I will give it another try and if things don't change then I have already reached this point once and I can do it again. Don't get me wrong, I am really going to try but I will never let myself be in a place I cannot get out of again...emotionally. At this point, this is not what I wanted but I feel better about everything. I am going to let the things of the past go, but will never tolerate the abuse again.

Thanks for all of your advice, I really appreciate it.

Free

By now I'm sure you know about the "Cycle of Abuse" and you've been at this stage in the cycle where he's wonderful and honest and sincere and you truly believe that things are going to work out. Oooh, been there.

This is the time to put your boundaries in stone. Zero tolerance for physical abuse. Have a nonconfrontational signal to let him know when he's becoming verbally abusive... be able to de-escalate the situation before it gets brutal. Counseling needs to be mandatory for abusers. He doesn't understand the cycle or recognize his place in it. He thinks he just reacts to you and your moods and thoughts and feelings and words.

Without intervention - consequences for his abusive actions - the cycle continues and usually worsens. Make an escape plan. Protect yourself and your children. Many children of abusive parents go on to find themselves in abusive relationships as adults. End the cycle for them.

Yes, boundries are being set with no tolerance. He is trying really hard and he will have to go to counseling or this won't work. I think by getting to the point I was, and perhaps am still at, I will not let things become as they were. You are absolutly right in that he thinks he reacts to me and if I change he will. This will not happen, I know, because I have tried it. He has not been physically abusive for quite some time, but next time will be the last time. I want to go to C together and let him know, with a witness, what is acceptable and what is not, and none of it will be negotiable. He wants this and if he follows through with the plan, it might work out. It is mandatory for me that he follow through and get help. I have no intention of ever living like I have been again. Thanks for the advice and it never hurts to be reminded as time goes by. I tend to be too forgiving and forget to easily, but not this time.
Free

Hi Free,
I'm coming in on this thread late... I've been down with a flu bug. I'll email you tonight... just starting to really get back on my feet.
I would like to echo ex-Princess Buttercup's post.
He needs to really show you this time by actions and not words that he is going to do just exactly what he said he would do.
You have been down this road before with him with very little success.
I would hold off on the Dv. papers, and watch and see if he is going to be true to his word.
I'll email you tonight.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi guys,
Things are going pretty good, but it's only been 3 days! Last night he did say something in a tone that just sent me over the edge in about 2 seconds. It was nothing major but the way he said it shows me that he really needs help changing. I don't think he realizes how he sounds but that is no excuse with me. He is going to have to get some help and learn new ways of communicating. My response shocked me and maybe I need some help too. But when I said zero tollerance that's what I meant. I don't like being like this and hope in the future I can not react like this. I just can't start down that road again.

You guys do a good job of keeping me on the right thinking track. I didn't appologize for my reaction I just told him how it made me feel for him to talk to me that way. I want both of us to go see the C ASAP and I want to be able to tell him again what is acceptable and what is not. This way if he is serious, he will have someone else to be accountable to. It's going to be a rough and rocky road. I'm hanging on to the papers just in case.

I did start wearing my ring again to let him know I am truely trying to work on this. At this point I could easily go back to the other plan. That's why we have to get to the C SOON!
Thanks again,
Free