My H had visitaion today and we talked a bit before he left. He said that i did not have to worry about OW saying things like the kids will be hers soon so forth. I told him that he can come back home(the kids and I are living with my parents we were evicted when he left) He was still wearing his ring. The thing with the ring is that when he left he lost his then he found this one so he says on the ground and put it on when he came back now that he is moving out of her house he took it off. I said to him why did you take off the ring he said that he just did. I said Its really over isn't this he said I am not saying that at all. He asked how out Thanksgiving was and I told him that it was not the same with out him(We have been with each other for nine years seven married. He said that his sucked. He did not stay long after wards our 29 month old would not let him go and my H stated crying and saying that eh had to go said he loved them.

What do I do HELP. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I told him that I still loved him that even if we have a pice of paper that says we are no longer H and W he will always be my H till the day i died he started to cry when I said that. i don't know. My hopes are up and my gut is telling me to smile but I just don't know what to do.

Go with that gut feeling. You are the mother of his children and know things that no one else can.

BUMP would like some more opions please Thanks I hope everyones holiday was great.

Borry to BUMP it again just would loke some words of wisdom and support if possible

helphopeful -

Have you read Surviving an Affair by Harley? This book answers most of the questions that you have been asking.

Affairs are like addictions say to drugs or alcohol. They are very hard to end and even when the person tries to end it they go through withdrawal symptoms just as if they were trying to withdraw from drugs or smoking or whatever.

Your H is probably confused. He doesn't know what he wants, but he knows that right now he has no responsibility and he probably likes it. He probably is happy when he is with you, but yet there is too much pressure to be responsible in a marraige.

Why do some spouses do this?

That is the question that no one can answer, save possibly that their needs aren't being met.

What causes parents to not want to see their children?

I don't know, except it seems to be easier for men to walk away from kids than women - maybe because the men don't feel as attached or bonded or don't know what to do with little kids.

You need to first and foremost take care of yourself and your children financially and empotionally.

You cannot change your H.

You can let him do the work to get the divorce if you don't want it and you can Plan A and cease all LBs. You ca nread about that on this site and in Surviving an Affair.

You have to take life one day at a time right now.

It will be hard emotionally to handle what you have to handle, but try to find a way to cope.

I would not wait around for H to change his mind - unless you have been doing a good Plan A for months.

Affairs usually last 6 months to 2 years after being exposed.

Yes this hurts. Yes you are being rejected. But unfortunately, H like the rest of them probably does not care. They are in what we call the fog. So you will not get any sympathy from him.

I wouldn't hang on to every word he says, but rather get control over your own life and then if he returns then deal with it, and if he doesn't then you can deal with that too.

Read about Plan A and Plan B. Good luck. K

He has lost everything to him now. He has no job he got laid off because he was late to work or did not show up. He has bouncing checks his checking account is just in his name only. the retirement check that he recieved he was to get alittle more than 2900, my attorny got me 4060 since he left me and our four children, his attorny gave him only 1500 and took the rest for his bill. He also has no transportaion since OW had the car repod. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He is staying with a friend while his things are at his mothers house. I have read everything on the site. i am just looking for some people to give me more advice and talk to some one who has or is in my position. I don't know what his means but from what i hear is that she kicked him out of the house they were fighting over everything manly his money and then the fact that he agian lost another job so she did not have anything coming from him to spend on things. I know that was what his money went for to spend on the A. She has done this many times to married people. She is known as the s*** of town. i am putting my marriage in the hands of the Lord and pray that our marriage will be restored and i know that it will take time and work I am ready for it Ihope and pray that my H will see that eh is losing everything that eh ever held dera to him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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