I can't believe what is going on. My stbx calls me from his mother's house where he is having dinner and tells me that he needs to go to the Doctor on Wednesday and I can't go to work. I already promised my Boss I would be there on Wednesday because my stbx has a final exam tomorrow and I let him have today and tomorrow to study. My Boss wanted me to come in today and I told her no because he had to study. He got all upset at me when I told him that I couldn't watch the baby because I had to go to the office. My Boss is already upset with me because I blew her off today and tomorrow and she really needs me to go in. He thinks I am being selfish but I'm not. I don't see why he can't go to the Doctor tomorrow if he is feeling so bad. He is making me out to be the bad one. He hung up on me he was so mad.

I tried calling him back after thinking about it for awhile and his mother answered the phone saying that I am causing her son to be sick in the first place and all of these arguments are not helping him. I told her that her son is being very hostile towards me and I try to be flexible as much as I can, telling her that I waited until Wednesday to go into the office because of his final exam. Then she said to me that she thinks I hate her because I never come in her house. I just drop the baby off and she wants to have a relationship with me but feels that I do not want one. I told her that her son made it perfectly clear to me that he doesn't want me around her or the rest of his family. She told me that I need to make my own decision and not listen to her son. I told her what her son said to me about hoping my plane crashed and when she asked her son, he denied it of course.

I am so confused now. Should I stay away because my stbx wants me to or should I come in her house because I want to and don't listen to the stbx? Was I wrong in sticking to my guns in not changing the day I was to work? I was not being unreasonable. First of all, I didn't know he was sick and second of all, I waited until Wednesday so he could study for his test. I have a lot of work piling up that I need to get to and my Boss is counting on me to come in on Wednesday.

Without reading all of your recent posts and going on memory of what I know of your story ...

1.) Hire a babysitter and work whenever your boss needs you. Your stbx has made it clear that parenting your child cuts into his 'me' time. You need a job to support yourself and your child.

2.) Avoid your toxic stbx-MIL. She has not been looking out for you, and she's trying to shame and guilt you into doing things you're not comfortable with.

My 2 cents.

Hi Baby,

I agree with ex-princess. Beside, you need to start working on doing this alone. Now is as good a time as any. You have to go to the office, once a week, correct. Try to line up a babysitter for those days. Talk to stbx, tell him this is what you are planning. You need to know in advance, if he is going to watch son, or if you should get a sitter. Once you are divorced, you will need to do this anyway. Now is as good a time as any. If you give stbx the first opportunity to watch S, then he cannot accuse you of trying to keep S away from him. If he agrees to watch son on specific days, and tries to change it without enough notice to arrange for a sitter, he needs to make the arrangements for the care of S. (my opinion)

I also agree with the above posts -

I am in the same situation you are in - STBX is causing you ALOT OF PAIN! and yet he still wants you to be nice and do what he wants......

Why do what he wants?

No one in their right mind would expect you to bend over backward for someone who is hurting you in that way.

You need to start thinking about what will help YOU emotionally and financially.

It is not an easy transition to make going from being married and dependent upon spouse to being independent, but it is the reality that you are faced with and whether you like it or not, you can be happy and successful eventually when you work through your emotions and work to separate yourself from STBX.

Take the ex-princess's advice. It's good. K