Well, I have been speaking with my H and very in controll of the situation, I am not going crazy and begging because I never got any answers other that he needs time to decide if he wants to go on???? Long story.....
Anyway..I have come to realize that this is better to part because I cannot forgive him for what he has done to our family and he expects us to just sit here and wait until he is good and ready with no excuses why he left. This past week has been good for myself and the kids. I feel for the first time in 10 years that I am me again and I can do this that I am not dependent on him anymore.

I told him that and he was quite shocked that I mentioned filing for divorse or why he hasn't yet, he turned around and said well thats what you want. I then calmly stated that he was the one who left us and said he wants a divorse.

I do have some questions on how this will all work. We have been married 10+ years, 2 children 10 and 4. I am a stay at home mom. I don't have a job. H makes plenty of money but he keeps saying that he won't be able to pay what my attorney says I am entitled to. What about changing the house in my name, I have perfect credit but no income as a job. Same with the car, I need to get rid of it, I cannot afford or need the big lug.....4wdsuv....too big.. gass .....We have two homes... and my H owns a business..he says I cannot touch but my attourney says I can......

Please any advise from similar situations and what happened and are you ok financially????? I don't want to uproot my family they have or will go through enough... And if I do sell my home, How will I purchase another one without a job?????

Cj

So much of this depends on the court system you are in and whether you two are able to reach a settlement. Somewhere between what your attorney says you’re entitled to and what his attorney says he can get away with is probably what will happen.

My X worked on and off throughout our marriage. The 3 years she worked in the home. Then the last year we did foster care. Her attorney told her that she was a stay at home mom. At our first hearing for temporary orders the judge quite frankly told her that she had the ability to work and to get a job. Of course in the meantime my support payments were set extremely high to allow her time to find a job. She thought that support was the amount she’d get for life and it was about to kill me. It wasn’t until she was threatened with contempt of court that she decided to look for a job.

BTW we ended up settling out of court for a child support amount that was about ½ what her attorney said she should get, but about 15% more than what my attorney figured we should pay. And there was no Alimony.

One thing I learned about attorneys is that they are always going to give you best-case scenarios. You really have to probe them for worst-case scenarios and then it’s even harder to get from them what likely will happen. I guess I’m just saying proceed with caution.

bill,

Thanks for the reply. I am sure I will find out all the information when I go to my attorney tomorrow. My only worry is that I don't work and haven't been in the job market in 4+ years. I don't have a college degree because I had my first child and married at 19 and had to drop out. My H makes good money but there is alot of stuff involved, a new business, two homes, credit cards only 1 that is very large. I am just scared, eventhough my attorney says I have really nothing to worry about.

I guess it is because my whole life has been so aimed twards the H and his goals on what he wants that I have lost my goals and things I like or would like to do. I had a friend ask me what I wanted to do, job, ect. I couldn't answer because I don't know and that scares me to death.

Here I go then on a self journey to find myself I guess......

Thanks bill.

P.S. I love this
There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-
-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Cj

Don't just rely on your atty. Start reading books (library) and getting help. Find a support group in your area. YOu may qualify for low or moderate income housing until you get established.

So many of the women on this board have been accused of being angry. Try reading "The verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evans. It may give you a different perspective on your marriage.

Don't worry about what your H says he can "afford" to pay, the courts have formulas for child support and alimony (you're over 10 years so you are entitled).

Find others in your area. Once you start talking, you'll find many people who have been through the same thing.
Good Luck.
This board helped a great deal in the beginning. So did alot of self help books. I'm healing!