Last week was our anniversary... not so much as a word about it. No gifts, no tears... nothing... as if it didn't exist.

My birthday is in 2 weeks. Like the last 4 years, H will be on a business trip on my birthday. I will wait to see if he takes the kids to buy a gift, leaves a gift with them to give me, or just does nothing about it at all. (Which is what he would prefer, but I think the right thing to do is to take the children to buy a gift, like I did for him last year.) ::::SHRUG:::: if he forgets, me and the kids are still having our "birthday" dinner out... so it will be something.

Then the holidays, H is spending the holidays with his parents this year. Saying that if he visits them he will be able to spend Christmas morning with his nieces and nephews... HELLO???? You COULD spend it with YOUR OWN kids!? Guess he just wants to avoid me on the holidays, no matter what the cost.

Oh well, I should be used to it by now. I have spent the past 4 Christmases alone with kids at my parents'. (For all previous Christmases, I had to do all the shopping, wrapping alone. But at least he showed up for show time Xmas morning) As I said before, he hasn't been home for my birthday for 4 years (and didn't bother to plan anything special for my 40th, that I really wanted) He has been on business trips for Valentine's Day for the past 3 years. And of course, he has been on business trips for many of the kids' birthdays, their concerts, plays, games, events, parent teacher conferences, etc etc. Still, I can't help but feel that twinge of pain. That feeling that I'm somehow being cheated out of things that are 'supposed' to be a part of life. Maybe I am wrong by thinking that these things are normal things to share with a spouse.
I wish I could get over feeling sorry for myself when I have to do these things alone. I just feel like it is such a loss that I don't have someone to share all these things with.......

Lucy, I understand how you feel. My birthday will be coming up in 2 weeks and it will be the first one in 29 years that I haven't shared with my H. I don't expect to hear anything from him and if I do, I wouldn't really know how to react or if I would want anything. Just two nights ago he was ranting and raving at me about bills, money, spousal support...and "you shouldn't care about my life and I don't care about yours." Less than 2 months ago, he was a reconcilatory, attentive husband who swore he was working on rebuilding our marriage and life together. Wonder what I'll be looking at 2 months from now...no, I have no doubt that I'll be deep in D negotiations, oh goody!! He's so adament about going through with the D, I have no doubt of it. But he, like your H, will be spending the holidays with his parents, sister and her children, even though I extended the invitation to come home Christmas morning and be with 2 of his 3 daughters. Nope, he doesn't want anything to do with me. I keep asking him (and myself) what did I do, what did I do that was so hateful, so awful? He rants and raves, but he doesn't have an answer. You're right when you talk about the feeling of pain - it's like being totally disposable, while everyone else is okay. We are not worth any time or effort. It's a crushing and lonely feeling. The holidays only make it that much worse.
You sound like a pretty strong person to me, since you've been dealing with this for the past 4 years, but I know it must take it's toll. I will be thinking of you. The holidays will still shine, they just won't be the same as past holidays, but the true meaning of them is there and that's what we need to hold on to! Take care.

dont feel bad, I never received a birthday or anything for any holiday after the 1st yr we were M. thought he would change, never did. When our son was born he never gave a gift to our son to give to me for any holiday. I always gave X something he wanted, our son gave him gifts on holidays that was bought by me. When I think back on our M for the last 17 yrs. I can see he never cared about anyone but himself. I had to buy our son birthday or holiday gifts, he never seem to have the time to do any shopping. I hear now that he is with OW, he hits the malls every weekend with her 3 kids. Our son has never been shopping with dad.

m-17 yrs, 9mts, 12 days.
me-48 X-43
D-5-02
c-13, 29, 8 gd

OW-32
C-3 under 10
d-7-02
m-10yrs

It's my birthday today. My ex didn't organize anything with my boys, so I woke up this morning to no cards, no presents. He visited them today (he's living interstate), and was then shocked and surprised to find they hadn't done anything. Like father like son, unfortunately - I can count on one hand the number of presents/cards etc he has bought me for birthdays/christmas/boys births over the years.

His birthday present to me this year is to insist his girlfriend accompanies him to the boys baseball games tomorrow, as she's upset that on his visit over here this weekend, he has to spend time away from her in order to see the boys. So...I won't be going. I really cannot trust myself to be be in their joint presence at the moment, so it's safer and wiser if I stay away.

Yes, I'm wallowing in self-pity at the moment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />