I haven't been at MB in a long time and most of my posts were on the Infidelity section, but in the last few weeks I believe God has really helped me make some tough choices that when I really think about it, weren't that tough...here is my short story for those who may be hurting or feeling betrayed by their spouse this season, and its about taking care of YOU! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My WH and I have been together almost 6 years, married for 1 1/2 year, first marriage for both and no kids. In September, I discovered that he had been having an A with his co-worker the whole time of our marriage and even before then and I had been told she was "just a friend". Boy, did I feel stupid! My initial reaction was the same as everyone else's on this site who's spouse has had an A...utter disbelief and devastation, I mean nothing hurts worse in the beginning! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Anyway, we tried counseling, quick little seperations, Plan A, the whole bit. But eventually I came to realize that I was doing most of the chasing, while he carried on with the blond bimbo after insisting it was over and using phrases like "you have to learn to trust me again". Yup.

I decided to go home to see my family out of state and to work out my feelings, I received much support from them and my close friends, and thank God for good friends! I prayed about it and asked God to save my marriage, I would anything if He would just save my marriage! But then...I started to get a glimpse of the real picture and saw things beyond the A of what was wrong with our relationship. Now, almost 4 months later, I think perhaps God is leading me in a new direction and taking care of me, teling me I deserve better treatment and I don't deserve to be lied to constantly. I took my vows seriously, my WH did not unfortunately.

This week I am moving out and seperating from my WH, after the holidays I may file for divorce but I am okay with it now. The reasons why I have made this decision so soon is because my WH seems to have very little interest in saving our marriage and putting forth no effort to do so, and I have certainly given him the chance. I know MB suggests a PLan A for maybe 6 months but both parties have to be willing to reconcile! So on to Plan B for me...although I'm not sure if its really Plan B because for now I have no immediate plans of coming back to him and what's left of our marriage, I believe it was all one-sided from the beginning and that is very sad.

However, the point I'm trying to make is to trust in yourself and your feelings of self-worth because every BS out there is worth so much more! Trust in God and He will help you in your decision to leave or stay, and remember that whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. I thank God for the love He has given me and the love and support of my family and friends, I thank everyone on MB who's given me advice as well. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and I never I thought I would. For all those who still suffer and are at the beginning od their hurt...I tell you, it will get better and you will be okay because you are all worth gold! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I still get depressed sometimes for a brief moment and I know the divorce will be very tough. However, it is my decison to do it and I do not think for a minute that the OW has "won", because women like me will always be ahead of women like her (in fact, she may have even done me a favor) I am also not saying that divorce is the only answer, always try to save your marriage first, depending on the circumstances. But remember who you are and what you're worth and that God wants the best for all of us, remember that this holiday season.

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have been hanging on for 2 yrs. H plays the getting sympathy game very well. Denies all. How he can make me doubt all I have seen, heard, suspected then been told same, I dont know!! How much more suffering do I need? I dont know. Everythime I think maybe they're not together, I get confirmation one way or another they are very much together.

You say what my friends say - that I am better off, that I deserve better etc. I know those words are true but dont feel it with my heart. I feel like he has backed up a semi & rolled over me again & again. I cant seem to let go of what was in better days, or what could have been, instead of what actually has been reality for the last 2 years. He denies all & yells at me & twists things around SO much that I make myself confused! Saying I spy on him etc. I drove my OW place numerous times on hunch & saw him parked there. I never followed him. He left stuff laying around & I saw gift receipst when doing laundry, heard him on phone, saw bills etc. God help me, I have to maintain the "wait & see what happens" attitude for 60 days more.

Papers are drawn up but Ive not seen them yet. After signing, still wont be final for 60 days. If H thinks he can come back like last time & have me cook & clean etc & him be gone off lord knows where doing lord knows what until 11PM every night, he's in for a surprise! I dont think he will ever be willing to be truthful or honest with me or go to counseling. And I dont see anything being saved or reconsiled otherwise. I am the one that wanted to stay. He repeatedly told me let him go, and for me to mind my own business. and that "we were over a long time ago" crap. Nonsense!! He was only gone for 6 weeks last christmas & has been home all the time otherwise. Friends 5 years, married 10 more. "over" my foot!

I hope someday soon he'll have to eat all the bad words & lies he told me. As you can tell, I fluctuate between moods! Im Mad these days. Keep posting, let us know what the world out there is like.!

AgainstTheWind -
Okay, do you have children?
You say on your signature line that he has moved out and back in (so on and so forth). Have YOU ever thought about moving out and getting your own place for a while? Do you have family or friends you can stay with? Sounds like he might be having his cake and some ice cream on the side, don't allow it! If he's told you to let him go, maybe you should? My WH said similiar things like "you deserve better" and "I'm not worth it". If they are willing to believe that negativity about themselves than prove them right! Say "okay honey, you're right, I DO deserve better!" And remember that God has a plan for you. I'll try and keep up to date on my progress (or lack thereof), we'll see!