Today I was sitting at work and I went into the deepest daydream. I was daydreaming about standing in my wifes room in her apartment and just standing there holding her as tight as I could. I told her I just wanted her to stand there and hold me. No sex was wanted. It felt so real. Her touch was like she was actually there.I started crying and had to go to the other room were I prayed for God to make this dream come true.

I guess I realize what is really important to me now. Money,houses,stuff in general doesn't matter. All that matters to me now is my relationship with God and my Wife and kids. In fact, I would want my wife to quit her job and us live as we needed to so she could take care of our kids and just be free to relax and enjoy the time with our kids.

Does anyone else have such real dreams?

Just needing my wife in a bad way to hold me again.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

cajunky,

I am catch22222's W! I'm sorry for where your addiction has brought you. I really don't have anything profound to share, but wanted you to know I hear you.

I'm so grateful you and catch were both led to the strong faith you have today. I have read your posts here on and off over the past few months and you have helped me "see" my H's addiction all the more clearly. I know addictions are considered a sickness, but it's hard to grasp.

I hope your dream comes true...

{{{{{{{{{{{{ cajunky}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Isn't the same thing, but here's a cyber-hug to tide you over in the meantime.

I feel the pain, my brother. Continuing prayers for you.

God Bless,

cajunky,

I too have had dreams that seemed so real. Or I guess that I want them to be so. These days I picture myself sitting in Jesus's lap and He is holding me tight. That was my cry many a night going thru this painful process.

Reading your posts brings hope to me. Here's thought that is based on my own situation but that may be something to consider. - My WH has been having A's a long time. He is also into cocaine and drinking. There is no trust left in our relationship. I know people can change and I have seen that the last 10 years as a sober alcoholic. I know it takes a long time for people to really change, I mean really change. Some change for a while and then revert back to their old ways (Wh did just that)

So here's my point - what if WH got sober and really began to work the AA program. What if he found God (again) in a personal way and began to live his life according to God's will? What would it take for me to trust him ? How long would he have to live this way before I would believe that he had REALLY changed?

It would take me a long time to believe that it was for REAL. I would be watching him (he may not even know it, but I would) I would be watching the man behind the actions, seeing what he did when he thought no one was looking. I would want a history behind his actions. And still how would I know ????

So cajunky, your W may feel the same way. She may on some level be watching what you are becomming. You may not be the H she (and God) need for you to be. Maybe you have to stand the test of time and go thru what you have to go thru.

Another thought I had and I dont know if you will relate to this or not. WH only wants something when he thinks he may loose it. Early in our R while we were dating, I broke it off with him. It was then that he became the loving affectionate, attentive man that he was when we first met. My heart melted.

Another time, he thought I had been seriously injured (this was earlier in our R than the last incident I mentioned) and when he found out that I was OK, he told me he didn't realize how much he loved me. That was the first time he told me that (at least that had meaning behind it).

That tells me that I have to be in perpetual elusive mode for him to want me, really want me. That's too tiring for me plus I want to love and be loved in a healthy way.

Maybe your W feels some of what I have shared with you. If any of it strikes a cord, pray about it, write about it so you can present yourself to God and to your W cleansed. By that I mean not just of the big things like SA, but the smaller things that cause a wedge between two people.

I can't believe I've written so much but when I started it just poured out. It is from the heartand I hope that God uses this in what ever way He thinks best.

God Bless,

D.

Yes. I have very vivid dreams. But where yours was a tender one... my dreams are vivid nightmares about my WW and her lover. I think the stress of all the DV work has brought them back after several months of none.

I hope your wife has such dreams as yours. If she is, then why are you in the DV forum? Convince her of your remorse and work your @ss off to win her back! I don't think a day passed prior to my decision to dv my WW that I didn't wish for tender moments like your dream... and to have a few tender moments where she convinced me that her apology wasn't some lame attempt to make it look like it wasn't her fault, to hide her continuing love for the OM, and to protect the OM from me.

Big Brother hugs, CAJ {{{{CAJ}}}}!

You are so filled with love Caj...I write the same thing in my head everyday! I feel your love and pain! You are a true inspiration to me!
Because of you and so many others I see so clearly now that although I'm not fond of the old natured "me" I pray for that part of who I am everyday to be healed.

Hold onto your dreams Caj!! I want to share something with you...please don't take this the wrong way for your sights, I know are set upon what awaits...Your love of Christ will never die, my friend

Lost Love
The loss of love, no sadder thing, can there be,
for all at once, reality strikes, and you realize,
there is no longer, a you and me. It does not matter, who was wrong, or right, each has a hand in it, this truth, we cannot fight for the pain is there, it runs so deep because of the loss, of promises we could not keep. All dreams, once dreamed, they are all lost, and the intimacy shared, all part of the cost, but the memories made, always are a part, no matter, where you go
they stay, within the heart. Let us leave,
our time, without anger, or hate, though we begin again, walking toward, what now awaits,
we will always have within, our memory of us,
when love did, first begin.

God BLess you richly, CAJ!

HI Caj, I have many moments similar to yours, and maybe God is allowing a glimpse of hope? I know that sometimes out of the blue I can get such an amazing sense of 'missing him'. It overwhelms me at times, that is the opportune time to pray for him, since I don't have any contact with him, this to me is a prompting from the Lord to pray!
One time I had just finished a concert, and there was a man who came back stage, who was the WH. He needed to talk to me, as I had shared about my stand. Well as he sat there sharing with me his remorse over what he had done, his face turned into my H's ... I just started to cry... The good news is that not long after that he and his wife were reconciled and I believe are still together! But what a weird thing for me, again I saw it as the Lord showing me that one day my H would be in that same state, oh how I long for the day!
Continued prayer for you Caj...
God Bless, SW

WGTT...I am glad my post brings you hope. I think you realize, since you are a sober alcoholic, just what it takes and just how free you feel when you put something that bounded you behind you forever. Yes it does take time to change but you and I are testimonies of what life can be like when a person decides to change and gets the proper help.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what if WH got sober and really began to work the AA program. What if he found God (again) in a personal way and began to live his life according to God's will? What would it take for me to trust him ? How long would he have to live this way before I would believe that he had REALLY changed?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It will take a long time to trust him again. I think the Harleys say 2-5 years if I am not mistaken. You would just have to take it a little at a time. Take baby steps. I am a firm believer if a couple has God in their relationship that restoration will be a little quicker. It would take positive action from your husband for you to ever start trusting him again. I don't mean going to a few meetings and saying "Look at me I have changed!" It would have to be a total change(i.e., Church friends instead of drinking buddies, accountability partners, involvement in church, positive actions in the way he loves you and how he views the way to love you and treats you, a whole new attitude of how he wants to live his life).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It would take me a long time to believe that it was for REAL. I would be watching him (he may not even know it, but I would) I would be watching the man behind the actions, seeing what he did when he thought no one was looking. I would want a history behind his actions. And still how would I know ????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the key to knowing if he has truelly changed. A persons true character shows at times when nobody is watching. I want my wife to examine me and to watch me when I don't know it until I build trust back. For once in a long time I have no lies or secrets to hide and it feels so good to be this kind of person again. I want my wife to see what I have become and what we can be.

Lyxa...I barely got a butt left I have been working so hard...lol

Catch...My dreams are what is keeping me going. Thanks for the encouragement.

Still....I thought the same thing about my dream. I hoped it was a sign from God telling me to keep persevering and being patient and I will hold her again. It was so wild because her touch and the feel of her body felt so real. I know I had a big big smile on my face. That is so cool about the couple getting their marriage restored. God put you in that specific place for them whether you realized it or not.

I am praying for all our marriages. I know that all of us have dreams of our families again being one.

Love in Christ
cajunky

cajunky,
folks around here are to kind! they support you in your childish daydreaming and wishing! well here's the cold bucket of water that you really need. get past this and begin your life over again! stop with all this childish nonsense.

your wife doesn't want a pathetic, whining, begging male! at this point you make her sick! do you get it? if you want her back then be a man she can respect!

be a srtong independent man with self love. a man who likes himself and demands others respect him...forget love! who cares if you're loved? in life, that's not a requirement. doing the right thing is and being respected for it after is the resault.

your wife is off being who she wants to be...and to be perectly frank...that's not a very nice thing! so why is it taking you so long to realize this? grow up! you're not a child any more and your children need a father, not a chear leader!

sorry to be so blunt but you really have to get past this stupid stuff and get on with your growing and learning.

coach

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by coach3530:
<strong>be a srtong independent man with self love. a man who likes himself and demands others respect him...
your wife is off being who she wants to be...and to be perectly frank...that's not a very nice thing!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Uh, "Coach"?

I feel compelled to defend Cajunky at this point. Number one, I suspect he IS an independent, strong man with self-love. He is a man IN CHRIST, who is trying very hard to find God's Will, and stay in it, and by God's Grace becoming MORE CHRIST-LIKE every day.

I don't see or hear a "pathetic, whining, begging male..." that you describe. I see a man who understands his sin, and is atoning for them when ever and however he can, according to his understanding of what God requires of him. He is a man attempting to show his wife that he has seen his sin, is changing, becoming the Christ-like husband God intends for him to be, and to show his wife that she can re-gain trust in him again.

A whole seven posts and this is your contribution? WHAT is your story? Lighten up, ok, pal? Why don't you go learn a few things from this site before you start spouting off.

Thanks lupo...couldn't have said it any better!!!

Love in Christ
cajunky

I agree with lupolady, Caj is not begging, he is standing strong with the Lord. He is allowing the Lord to work in him.God has put this on his heart. It takes great strength to stand firm and believe that God will work in you and your spouse.

He is following the narrow path. The path he has chosen to take is far hardier than "just getting over it". It takes a mature man to trust the Lord with your life and marriage.

His children will respect him for the stand he is taking. He is teaching his children to trust in the Lord and to wait on the Lord. He is teaching his children to have faith.

His dreams are his hearts desire, and the Lord will bless him for his stand and faithfulness.There is always hope if we put are trust in the Lord.

Don't give up Cajunky, I admire you for what you are doing and believeing.

gentle

[QUOTE]Originally posted by cajunky:

Just needing my wife in a bad way to hold me again.

cajunky...your words are quite compelling. Your heart, it seems, is finally breaking, thus making room for God to put all the pieces together again. Build on your faith in God...He is always willing and completely able to heal and restore your marriage. God is faithful...and He needs you to practice being faithful in the little things, so He knows He can trust you with the big things...like your marriage. :-)

Never give up hope...God won't!

Serving HIM by serving you,
ICTL

Coach,

Why are you here, anyway? This site is based on biblical principles and your chastening has NO christian value whatsoever.

Let me share my masculinity with you: Flower, the skunk in the animated film said "If you can't say nuthin nice, don't say anything at all" to paraphrase.

This forum is a "safe" haven for many, if I may be so daring to say, and we come here to be share hearts, thoughts and situations. At times, we need to be "reminded" of our blind spots but not chastised, thank you!

God BLess YOU, Coach!
In Christ <><

Coach,

Why are you here, anyway? This site is based on biblical principles and your chastening has NO christian value whatsoever.

Let me share my masculinity with you: Flower, the skunk in the animated film said "If you can't say nuthin nice, don't say anything at all" to paraphrase.

This forum is a "safe" haven for many, if I may be so daring to say, and we come here to share hearts, thoughts and situations. At times, we need to be "reminded" of our blind spots but not chastised, thank you!

God BLess YOU, Coach!
In Christ <><

Coach,

Why are you here, anyway? This site is based on biblical principles and your chastening has NO christian value whatsoever.

Let me share my masculinity with you: Flower, the skunk in the animated film Bambi said "If you can't say nuthin nice, don't say anything at all" to paraphrase.

This forum is a "safe" haven for many, if I may be so daring to say, and we come here to share hearts, thoughts and situations. At times, we need to be "reminded" of our blind spots but not chastised, thank you!

God BLess YOU, Coach!
In Christ <><

Uh, this is -not- a Christian or Christian based site, please check with the moderators if you have any doubt about that.

Induli2, regardless of what this site is, the bottom line is that this site is provided for people who need encouragement, love, support and too many other things to mention.

Try not to discourage people or add fuel to a fire. This person came here to start trouble and trouble he found...and you, my dear, have added to that discord. If you are not Christian, so be it, however, there are more Christians than not, who visit this site every day and receive the Godly instruction and encouragement they need. If you wish to carry on an argument or begin one, please take it to other boards or chat rooms.

Thank you & may you find peace this Holiday Season! God be with you.

Serving HIM by serving you,
ICTL

As a person of another faith I am highly offended by you telling me and by proxy others of non-Christian faiths we are not welcome to post.

I did not add to discord just pointing out that posters of other faiths are allowed here and that this board is not Christian. That's okay, I'll let a mod handle it, you're in no posistion to play policeman to anyone.

Peace to you, Cajunky and to the above poster, get over yourself.

Cajunky,

I have daydreams like that daily. Especially when I am with my daughter, as I miss sharing my little one's growth and development with my wife. It's been five months, and I still look for her to say "look at this".

-David