Late last night, I was watching TV with my SO of over 4 years when he got a phone call; he sounded delighted to hear from (whomever) and I heard him say, "Nothing; just sitting on the couch watching TV; what are YOU doing?" (not "watching TV w/ my SO). They chatted animatedly for about 5 minutes (couldn't make out what they were saying), then he tells me he got off, saying he was "busy." Upon questioning, I learned that it was a single woman who lives nearby whom he'd recently met again at a high school reunion (I didn't attend). I was very hurt and angry, as it seems to me that if he were committed to our relationship, he would have met her obvious "approach" with the news that he's involved with someone (I recently responded to a similar show of interest from a man with the unequivocal news that I'm in a long-term relationship and not available). Upon further questioning, he revealed that when they "caught up" at the reunion, he told her he was "seeing someone, but we fight a lot lately." That's true, but this sort of thing isn't helping. Do I have reason to worry? <BR>

Yes you should worry. In telling her that you fight a lot, he has made an opening for her further interest. My H started with his OW from work like this and he's been seeing her sporadically for a year and a half. If your relationship is based on fidelity, you both need to agree on that.

Quandry,<P>I do not post here alotbut I had to answer your question... I too lost my H, due to an old freind/want to be, and he started this emotional build up the very same way your SO is doing to you. the phone calls drove me nuts... His answer was, we are just freinds, I am reading into it toodeep, (yeah right, now he is gone, 9 mths, and admited he wanted to persue this OW) so there you have it.. If this continues, it is a for sure thing, it will build up, and if you fight about it/or/anything else for that matter at this time, it will give him justification to do what you/he may be thinking about doing.. <P>Be very careful in choosing your words, and make the best of everything that happens to the two of you count! important! matter! take every little and big thing seriously but never nasty!! ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS!!! look/sound/act!!! like the better person, be there for him physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually!!<BR>This woman just might have intent too, and is pushing him into something, he (might) not know is even happening yet...<P>My H`s, OW is still married, but jumped on my H, asap, knowing/picking up on the fact we were not getting along at the time, and I KNOW!!! had every intent from day one.<P>I befreinded her, and we all went out as couples/together... and we socializedfor afew mths, then I started seeing the signs, and wam!! I knew.. She does have a jerk for a husband... but knows nothing of my marriage (only his side of course) and what we have been through, and how much I do love him and my kid, loveshim, or how much we could have made things work, if she wasn`t in the way.. that is the killer to all who already have some one else.. No one has a chance with another in the way...!<P>She has two grown children, one getting married next june 2000, and I KNOW!! she is waiting for this wedding to happen, so not to make waves for daughters wedding day...!<BR>her husband may also be a problem, (as a matter of fact I am hoping for that one day too) he sounded very dedicated to his family, even though other things he did/said was strange, (can`t explain) just take my word for it, he is a strange guy, but loves his family.. He has no clue to her decietfullness... <P>Her H, was a foster child, no family, and values his succuess in how his family and life has gone so far, (not having a clue, of course) but he is living in the 50`s and this OW is out going, bubbly, wants to live it up, and now is doing just that with my H!!!<P><BR>what a world!!! any way enough of my saga.. you start working at/on your SO, right away, but never let on just what you are doing, use your great womanly intuition/intelligence, that all of us have... LOL! He won`t know what hit him if you play your cards right!!!<P>good luck....AV<BR>

So - is it true? Are you fighting a lot? Is that something you can change? <P>No lovebusters!