Like I need another kick in the pants. He im's me today and says he wants to be friends and be sociable with one another after the d is final. Dream on. I mean dream on! He is too busy for that with all his new mistresses here and there.

I am just amazed. Oh, and in the affidavit he gave he admits freely to affair with ms. monkeyho and one other but can't remember her name (he dated her two months and said he loved her and can't remember her last name? How come I can and so could the PI i hired?) So he wants to be friends and sweep his disgraces under the rug. I want nothing to do with him. He is lost lost lost. And I will have nothing to do with Ms. Family Values either. I am so sick of him.

Turns out the judge told his attorney in front of my attorneys that Deucey has had enough time to get his documents together and that court has compelled him to get the financial info together asap. Now during today's IM Deucey says he has "financial difficulties". Yea and pigs fly. Maybe it is hard to pay for two luxury vehicles. Maybe it is too hard now to pay for a maid when he had me living there last year. Maybe it is hard to have to pay for dates when you had a wife you could just leave at home and neglect. It sure costs more, having a social life I guess. And Deucey claimed in the affidavit that he thought I HAD FOUR AFFIARS. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT CRAP? He could not give anything bur first names. I was so angry that I cried after hearing this from my attorneys. They laughed when his attorney presented it. And his own attorney they are pretty sure knows he is a liar.

So now he's broke and wants to be friends and sociable. I have news for Deucey: sociable does not mean sex. I am not letting him in. Never unless he did a 100% turnaround and found God and recommitted his whole life to family which I doubt he'll ever do. So a big NO to him. When he asked me if I would like to become friends I said :I am not sure. IF you live this way and are the same then probably not.

I don't socialize with any of my old boyfriends before I married so why with Deucey after all he's done? That would be like me saying that in the end it is ok for him to live in this fog and to live as he pleases. I am NOT MEETING HIS EN'S ANYMORE. Not as a friend. Not as anything now. Not unless my goals were met.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MAN???Oh, my attorneys provided his attorney with the last name of the woman he can't remember having fallen in love with and slept with for three months. We had to help him b/c his memory is not as good as it used to be. Guess he can't remember all the lies, the blatant adultery, cruel treatment, and physical stuff he did to me huh? Just a bad case of amnesia.

Arrrrrrrrrgh! I mean, according to Deucey, why don't all of us just forget about the whole morality thing and just give in to the WS. Just let thim happily tear up jack in families around the world and smile. And if we aren't happy then just go out and as Deucey said to do "get f'd". And let's all be friends and socialize together. And if daddy or mommy (or whoever WS is) wants to come over without the committment of marriage and have a little one nighter with their old spouse to meet unmet EN needs in their wild lives then let's just do it. After all we're friends right? Just a little casual friendship never hurts anybody right?

PLEASE DON'T EVER BUY INTO WS FOGGY POOP OK???

((((((((((((((peachy)))))))))))))) <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
They are truly beyond belief......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
<strong>I am NOT MEETING HIS EN'S ANYMORE. Not as a friend. Not as anything now. Not unless my goals were met.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">{{{{{{{{{{{{{Peachy}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so sorry for the pain you are in. He's sure acting like a total JERK, that's for sure!

But let's talk "turkey" here.....Are you in a formal Plan B? If you are intending NOT to meet WH's EN's, then he needs to know why. And it cannot be in "knee-jerk" response to anything he has done or said. It has to be b/c your LB$ is in the red so far there's nothing left.

It sounds to me like that may be the case, but it also sounds like you are terribly hurt (I can understand this), but going to Plan B for that reason isn't the right time or reason.

Please understand I feel your pain, but your attitude may need a little "readjusting." Try not to let his insane FOG talk and actions get to you, ok?

Love & Hugs,

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]</small>

NPIGA....You have been on my mind all week for some reason. I have singled you out and prayed for you on several occasions. I am sorry your husband is acting like a total jerk. I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted you to know you have been on my mind and been pray for this week.

Love in Christ
cajunky

Stay strong. I am here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks guys...And Cajunky good to hear from you. Thank you for your friendship and prayers. Love also to broken, Sauron and jokezzz, Lupo (good to hear from you again) and my sweetie FC.

I will not listen to fogese. Been working my tushie off. Deucey has son tonight and I am getting ready to go jogging right now.

Yes I am in B. I am not meeting any of his EN because he obliterated mine. But I am doing ok now. Just not at all thinking about him or his ridiculous statements. And tomorrow night is our practice's christmas party at a really nice restaurant/old renovated historic building. Will look like a million and just strut it as a single chick. First time doing that in almost nine years. Will see if this chick still has a few feathers to preen for tomorrow night. Then a party with neighbors on saturday night. We have all (the parents in my cul de sac) have gotten a babysitter for our kids and the party is next door to where the kids are (two doors down from me). So it will be a fun weekend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]</small>

Peachy - YOU GO GIRL!! You have got style and class and attitude and you STRUT!!! I'll be thinking of you. Tomorrow night is a bit of a milestone for me too. Now don't fall off your chair laughing...it's the premiere of the latest Star Trek movie. Now I am a died in the wool Trekie since the original series with then hunky Captain Kirk. Since we've been married, Mike has taken me to every Star Trek movie premiere and we always made a big deal out of it...he always made a grand night of it...so tomorrow will be a bit hard for me. Silly, I know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
But my wonderful oldest daughter and her husband will be taking me instead, and they have planned to make a grand night for me in his stead. You know, God has blessed me with some great kids!!
So while your're partying (and I hope you have a wonderful time this weekend-God knows you deserve it!!) I'll be trekkin'.....at warp speed. (Even thought I am older than dirt).
I'm proud of you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Have fun!!!

Hi Peachy,

Deucey's big brother must be from Down Under!
He's so much like my WH.
Oh yeah, my H wanted to be friends too after he started seeing OW#2.
I said "NO thanks", and H's jaw went like a 6 inch spanner.
He's so nice with me at the moment that I almost need to carry a vomit bucket me.
He can have his "old bag" and her 2 kids.

Have a great weekend!

Hi peachy,
I don't post to you often only on occasion. I think you are really holding your own and I hope you have a wonderful time at the parties this weekend.
I just wanted to say beware of Deucey's attempts at friendship. My ex did the same thing. In hindsight now I see that each and every time he got a bit nicer and wanted to be friends it coorsponded to getting me to lighten up on him during the divorce proceeding. And aren't you in the mist of his diclosure as we speak. Don't let him fool you. It's purely selfish on his part ... he thinks he can charm you and you'll be in a better mood and go easy on him. In the FOG they are not above using all of your torn emotions for there gain! I am sure God will send you the right man at the right time. In the meanwhile, don't get sucked back into his game of manipulation for futhering his agenda. He'll give you reason to hope just until the trial is done and then he's back to his old ways because it served HIS purpose. They are not themselves at this time and ONLY OUT FOR NUMBER ONE ... at least whom they think is #1!
Stay strong.

Hi peachy,
I don't post to you often only on occasion. I think you are really holding your own and I hope you have a wonderful time at the parties this weekend.
I just wanted to say beware of Deucey's attempts at friendship. My ex did the same thing. In hindsight now I see that each and every time he got a bit nicer and wanted to be friends it coorsponded to getting me to lighten up on him during the divorce proceeding. And aren't you in the mist of his diclosure as we speak. Don't let him fool you. It's purely selfish on his part ... he thinks he can charm you and you'll be in a better mood and go easy on him. In the FOG they are not above using all of your torn emotions for thier gain! I am sure God will send you the right man at the right time. In the meanwhile, don't get sucked back into his game of manipulation for futhering his agenda. He'll give you reason to hope just until the trial is done and then he's back to his old ways because it served HIS purpose. They are not themselves at this time and ONLY OUT FOR NUMBER ONE ... at least whom they think is #1!
Stay strong.

What i have noticed about these very manipulative/controlling types, is that really they seek out enablers. . . and they get frustrated when the romance is gone and the hard work is needed, you do not enable very well, or respond the way you had in the past. . .

That was a very big part of my X's reasons for D, i am sure. We made some career changing decisions for me, and the premise was right, but her expectations of the outcome was different, not the same as her parents and not the same as the previous lifestyle.

So my support/enabling was reduced due to career requirements, and then i learned of the manipulation techniques and began to resist them, and bingo, a manipulators version of love was all gone. Love is not about manipulation, although either he learned it from the way his parent's operated, or he was born with the tendency/disorder. . . . and these people only see the world through their viewpoint, anything else is too conflicting. . .

wiftty

Take control, and say maybe in the future. But right now, I have so much on my plate, with all that is going on. Lets, just be civil, and leave it at that for now. Be in control, be upfront, and be polite. That is all that needs to be stated, and leave it be. He needs to know that you are moving ahead.

Thanks Renee. I totally am going to take your advice on that. You're exactly right. And thanks broken and wifty. Very good stuff.

It is about manipulation and getting his way. For example, today he brings son back home and brings in some pictures he had made of our son. Tries to act all nice. I was housecleaning and just got in from gym. although I was haggard and vacuuming, I'm wearing a cute new sweatsuit that shows off a tiny bit of curves. As he was leaving the doorway, caught him looking rather lewdly somehwat at my bod. I know that wierd look and he is out of luck.

No sooner is son in the door then he says "bradley doesn't like to share and I don't want to play with him". So he is having that new mistress around son and him today. I am sick of it. And he can stare all he wants to now. I am 100% sure that his niceness is not for real and that is some ploy for the divorce. But thank God it will be over soon.

Had fun last night. Then afterward we all went to havana club. Same place where my bible study class went a month ago. Got in rather late. So I am doing ok. But why is it when I see him and I see glimpses of his old self and it still hurts a bit. He threw this family away.

I've been doing really well and have to stay in b. Can't let him come inside my home anymore not even for a brief dropoff or it could damage my progress. He is so way in the fog it is scary. He even dresses wierd now. The other day when he dropped off son, he was wearing some flared jeans with what appeared to be paint splashes on the bottoms of the flares. He actually bought these kind of jeans. Looked like something an 18 year old would wear. Not at all like a 34 year old father soon to be 35.

It still hurts somewhat. Here i was today mopping and vacuuming. My house looked pretty good and the tree is gorgeous. I have much of the same decorations in my home. He has to see that. I wonder if in their fog if it even hurts at all to see that. To see their former spouses and the ones they committed their lives to going on at all? I wonder if he sees it and ever cries as I used to? Probably not at all. He actually believes this crap. Never once did he think about trying one ounce of counseling or anything to save this marriage. A coworker of mine is on the verge of divorce with her husband. And they've just started counseling together to see if anything can be done. She thinks he's cheating and I think so too. But I silently referred her to this site and the principles and the book HNHN. What makes me so sick is that my own husband didn't even think enough of me to go to counseling one time. Resisted everything. Did it all because he couldn't handle someone might tell him that having an affair was indeed wrong and harmful. That it hurts not only your partners but the kids too. He couldn't do one thing. Makes me feel somewhat worthless when I think of that aspect. But in a wierd way, it makes me go on because he never did care. Not since meeting her and now he's taken up with the new one.

Last night turned even more heads. Don't usually get glammed out much but two of the doctors I work with said I was gorgeous. I wanted to cry. Then went upstairs at the restaurant to the bar with one of my girlfriends who's a nurse and there were two very attractive businessmen there for company parties also. One of them said to me, "I have seen it all. This woman beside me here is not with a date. unbelievable.
" I smiled. But I just feel so detached from the dating thing. I want to purge my stbx totally from my soul. Want never to cry again or feel pains when my son mentions the presence of Ms. Family Values or whichever mistress of the moment is in his life. He made a point to tell me he's going out tonight. I want to feel nothing ever again. And most of the time I don't. but today I did and it stinks.

Son said his dad did not get a tree this year. Said he only decorated the outside of his house. But that for christmas he is getting our son a playground. Deucey had told me that the house was going to be sold and here he is buying a playground for son. He is a liar.

Even in my sweats and no makeup I feel that I am just as pretty as his new mistress he is taking out tonight..

I am teary now. Just as I stopped writing here son came in and said out of the blue ( he's been home maybe thirty minutes now) "you and me are a family. But I want a new daddy like Tommy Pickles' daddy. Then we can all live together. Is that a family? We are one but we are all alone mommy. I will find us a new daddy."

I am sick now. Why doesn't stbx understand the horrible destruction he has placed in our lives?

I am going to make a stiff cup of coffee downstairs and pull it together. Tonight we're going to next door neighbor's house for a small get together/dinner party. I am making my famous dip. Spinach/artichoke hearts in a monterey jack cheese base. It is sooo good.

I wish one day I could see that he regrets this decision. That I could be a fly on the wall the day he cries. When he realizes he lost the best thing in the world. There is no reaching someone lost in the fog. No sign of coming out. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Notpeachy - kids say without any hestitation. Your son is seeing the destruction, your H caused. Let your son verbalize. This is good for him. It is so good to hear that you feel prettier than your H's other woman. I have to say, this is a step in the right direction. Some of us, don't feel prettier, and of course that is a negative to our self-esteem. For one, I don't feel prettier, this life my H has done in the last almost 3 years, has really taken a tole on my appearance. Not weight wise, but stress has caused many wrinkles, and graying of the hair.

Yes, you are a family, you and your son. Keep reminding your son, that you love him, and yes, we are a family. Good to hear that your tree is gorgeous. Cleaning, and vacuuming, shows your son that you are a good mother, and wanting a home to be proud of. Also, your son sees that you have self-respect.

In my opinion, you are doing wonderful. Just wonderful. Wish I could say that I was doing as good as you.

Yes, there is pain, when your husband appears. Yes, it hurts. I know, it hurts like heck. But they don't seem to suffer any pain.

Keep your H looking at your terrific body. I want to get my body in shape, but my H physically injured me, and had to have rotator cuff surgery, and am trying to heal from the surgery. So I get down, with pain, and healing, and all the physical therapy.

You are a wonderful, admiring, beautiful mother/woman. Merry Christmas to you and your son.

Cry:

You are too beautiful and a great mother also! And let this time healing be renewing for you. You can always experiment with a new hairstyle or something. And my bod isn't that great but it is ok. It is just that usually I am wearing surgical scrubs when he is around and today was an exception. Mind you I am not dolled up or wearing a slinky holiday gown like Ms. Family Values will wear tonight.

And I am doing ok. Not so great over the entire year but am just doing what I have to to end this thing as a lady. Yea it hurts. And Yea she may be as pretty as me, but I am the mom of my child. I am the one who fought for my marriage. She is a new mistress and knows none of the MB secrets I do. Knows nothing about LB'ing which I am sure she will do soon enough. And I am going to use this knowledge in my next relationship. And one day only if God allowed would Deucey ever see or experience that in me again. As of now, probably never. I do believe the divorce is best now as I feel chained to vows that are so ugly, so broken. That I am somewhat a slave to the past and a slave to what was once. The vows are keeping me from healing now. I have to be free of this destruction he's brought on. I want to be free of it now. And I am sad as I admit that. God knows I have dreamed that he'd wake up one day and fall down on his knees Before God and repent and want to do whatever it took even if it meant changing the moon's orbit around the earth to win me back and save his family. But I am a realist and realize that won't happen. Not maybe ever. He is so far lost now.

It was good to hear you had a fun time at the party. And I bet you were a knockout!! Does something good for your soul when somebody notices you, doesn't it!! God knows you deserve it. Today, I was dwelling on something that my H had emailed to his OW that had hurt me so deeply. (I discovered their email correspondence on his computer and that's how I found out about this affair....I printed them all out - all 85 of them, made copies and gave them to my attorney.) But reading them was the hardest thing I will ever do in my life. Anyway, in one email he said he had made a list of the 25 things he wanted most in a mate for the counselor we were then seeing. I also found that list on his computer. The very first one was...SHARE COMMON CORE CHRISTIAN VALUES!!!???!!!
But among the things that cut me were, share a chemistry, be beautiful, someone he could be proud to be with, socially adept...he told her the list did not describe me at all, but was pretty close to perfectly describing her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I'm not ugly, no raving beauty, but people tell me I'm pretty. I think of all the parties I hosted at the house here for his staff, sometimes 30 or 40 people and I would do all the cooking and decorating while holding down a full time job...and I really was always praising him to people, trying to be his biggest cheerleader. For some reason, that email haunts me right now. You're right about the fog, it's to thick for them to ever dig out of and they do believe it - if they had to face the truth we do everyday, they would crumble....so be proud kiddo. You're young, pretty, a great person, a super mom. Your life will be good, I know it.

{{{{{{{{{Peachy}}}}}}}}}

Hope you are feeling better.

I just wanted you to know that what you are feeling is normal - because I feel the exact same way.

I just can't put it into words like you can.

Maybe you should write articles for a magazine or something - you are really very eliquent(sp?).

Anyway, I too every now and then see traces of the old person, but then he is still acting wrongly and living an amoral life.

I am still grieving over the loss of the marriage and the harm that it is brining to our children.

And Ex doesn't want to address the harm either - because then it would make him look bad.

Ex didn't want to go to counseling either and I told him to never ever tell me again that this is not the way he wanted his life to turn out. That's BS because he can make his life into what he wants.

Plan B is good. I find that when I talk to Ex or let him in anyway back into my life then it only hurts me.

And yes, I feel that my vows are holding me back - yes, I'm divorced, but waiting on the annulment.

I want this pain to be gone, over, finite and my chidren want a new daddy too.

Which I have also heard won't be too hard for me either because everyone is telling me that I look good - even Ex H.

So, where does that leave us?

Bearing the pain, perservering, and handling this the best way we can. Time should help us, since we're doing all the right things - at least that's what I'm told.

Just wanted you to know that I understand your pain about the tragedy of it all and I'm praying that we all get through this soon. K

GisinControl - how are you waiting on the annulment? For what reasons?

Yes, Peachy, to see your spouse - hurts every time. They don't realize the hurt, they don't see the pain in your heart, they refuse to admit that they are in the wrong, and justify everything.

We, are the ones that need to know we did the right thing. Morally, we did nothing wrong. We made a committment to God at the altar. Vows meant something to us, to the betrayer, vows mean nothing.

To hear he met a christian woman. Yes, I am dealing with the same situation. My H says, his OW is a christian woman. Heck, she had 2 sexual affairs in her marriage. But he won't say anything wrong about her, only that her actions were jsutified. I finally have it, the (morally, sinful, unthoughtful, uncaring) OW is scum. Lower than scum, drudge at the bottom. But this is what our spouses want. They don't care about morals, vows, committment, painful heart. They are selfish and will go to the bottom to get what they want.

Look at yourself, as a wonderful person. Sauron posted a beautiful story and I printed it out. It is in Divorce/Divorce - Topic: "The Burden" - I Dedicate This To Everyone, Please Read!. Read it, it made me cry, and get on my knees and thank God.