I just got off the phone w/my H I had called him about money that he took out of the accounts and basically cleared them all out exept our checking to pay bills. He said why wouldn't he I was pulling money out. I did three weeks ago when he lied about 13000 income tax and moved it into another account and didn't tell me. At this point I didn't know what he was going to do so I took half out and put in my own account. So he went and took 10000 out for himself.....and has not deposited any of his paychecks into any of the accounts since he left 1 month ago...He also said that it wasn't a good time to talk to him... that he recieved the papers and didn't understand why after only 30 days with out him I filed???? I am so totally confused right now... he told me it was over...with no other excuse and has refused to talk to me about the situation other than he is not happy and he needs time...at thanksgiving he came into our home and took a whole bunch of stuff and dropped off a box of my stuff from the cabin he is staying at... gee what kind of signals was he giving me...telling me he wants a divorse the day he moves out, tells our children we are getting a divorce, refuses to talk to me, clears out our accounts, goes on trips to california to see friends, plans for holidays in advance for having the kids and he doesn't understand why only after 30 days I have filed for divorce,.. anyone think that he should be confused? And it is not a good time to talk to him because he got what he wanted... he just kept saying your right, you know what I want!!!!

We talked in circles for 1 hour and I still got nothing from him.

Ugggg I am totally confused... he wants to go out for coffee tomorrow so we can talk... I don't know what I am going to say other that what I have been trying to say to him for a month... talk to me.. tell me what is going on......why is he constanly lying to me....he thinks he has done nothing wrong here, I'm not saying this is all his fault because it is not... all I have done is what anyother woman would do when her husband continually lies to her....but I never get any answers or reasons, ever,.....................................

Advise please...
Christine

(((((((((((fooltoolong)))))))))))

Sounds like he was wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

Perhaps he thought that he could just do whatever he wanted and then if nothing better came along then he could always go back to you.

Go with your instincts on this one. If you filed for D then there must have been some good reasons - like trying to protect yourself AND your children financially.

Be careful when you meet him. He may just be trying to get you to go easy on him, and talk you out of doing what you know is the right thing to do.

Remember, actions speak louder than words, and make him give you actions before you do anything.

You did the right thing by keeping 1/2 of the money and usually while you are married - if you live in a community property state, 1/2 of his income is yours. Remember too that when you protect yourself financially you are also protecting your kids.

You can always get remarried if he comes around.

Don't get caught up in emotions with him, but stick to the facts.

He is confused, but you just don't act the way he does and not expect someone to act the way you are.

Also, you can use his guilt to get a good settlement. You need to work for you and your kids and then you can always change things later if things change.

Stay strong, and take things one day at a time. K

<small>[ December 11, 2002, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</small>

{{{{fooltolong}}}}

You've been going through this for a long time, not just a 30 day separation! I went round and round with my STBX too. I filed soon after he moved out and moved in with MOW. He had a similar reaction, then spent about a year and a 1/2 stringing me along, saying he wanted to get back together, going to MC with me, etc. I fall for it all so easily that I had to end all contact with him and now I'm finally healing, though we're still not divorced.

I agree with GIIC, stick to the facts. Unless he does something to change, you're going to be right back in the middle of all his lies. My WH is also a chronic liar and I know how frustrating it is, how much you just want to know the truth. I finally had to accept the fact that I probably never will and there's nothing I can do about that.

Take care of yourself and your kids. Let him work out his own problems, alone. As GIIC says, you can always remarry if he ever comes around.