I was listening to the christian radio today. The talk was of how the holidays are not real anymore, everyone is stressed out, and the real true meaning of christmas is not known.

They talked about how christmas is expressed in the stores before thanksgiving has come. The day after christmas, everything is gone in the stores, as well as the homes.

What happened to the unity of familiies, being with each other and enjoying the holidays? What happened with enjoying each others company, being with family and friends? Why is everyone so stressed out on preparing a big feast, when all everyone wants is the conversation, games, simple foods, and sharing the true meaning of this very important holiday.

Some phoned in and said, they are putting off putting up the tree until christmas eve. My parents used to do this exact thing when they were growing up. Putting the tree up, having a big pot of soup, and cookies. While decorating the tree, all the kids helped. Christmas carols were sung, and still getting their chores done. As I grew up, I remember we used to put the tree up on christmas eve as a young child, and then things changed as my parents both worked, and I look back, and see how the holiday was changed.

In my marriage, we decorated the tree a few weeks before christmas, and I look back, and see the real season was not celebrated in a christian manner.

Suggestions came in. I like the idea of decorating the tree on christmas eve. Having family time together, and enjoying the decorating. One idea came up and this was so inspiring. You receive christmas cards. What do you do? Open them up, read who it is from. How many of you really read the words on the card? This family, takes one card, each night. They look at the picture, read the words, and talk about the family. How they met the family, how they are doing, etc. and then they pray for the family, with each member saying a special prayer. Isn't this a grand idea? Taking this card, that was selected with care and involving the whole family, and putting this family in prayer.

This year, being separated, and going through all the ramifications of a divorce, few cards are coming in. Knowing it is the side-effect of a divorce. My kids are not into church, not eating dinner together. They say why, dad didn't eat with the family. So why try to put on a show? Kids need counseling, and hopefully going to get them into personal counseling. The separation was so ugly, and harmful, and destructive. So I am going to change all of this negative, ugly, crap. I decided, tonight I will take one card, and pray. I have received 5 cards, and just select the first card on the left. I will do this myself, in my bedroom, and pray for that family. Such a great idea! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

One family has many children, they took in children from one of the parents siblings. The parents of those kids died in a car crash. So they have 12 kids all together now. Blessed is this family. They decorate cookies. In a bowl with names on pieces of paper, each child selects a paper (childs name on it) and each child is to decorate a cookie for that person. Isn't that great. They take 1/2 hour to decorate one cookie, and wrap in saran wrap. Then the cookie is given to the recipient on christmas morning. With this many kids, creativity is endless.

Just wanting to share some happy thoughts of this special season.

Yes, I am depressed, and not looking at the holidays with cheer. My husband is not helpful in making this holiday enjoyable. He is living in his hovel, and doesn't help to come over and decorate, or offer to go christmas shopping together for the kids. Also, we were to have our 25 anniversary the 17 of this month. That is down the drain, also. I enjoy listening to the christian program, and listening to the despair and enjoyment of many people in my area.

Wishing you all a safe holiday. Please put your head up high, you don't have to decorate if you don't feel like it. We didn't, (kids & I), just don't feel like it. All I did this year, was put 3 strings of lights on the fig tree. No bulbs, nothing else. Don't feel like it. Oldest daughter and I did put the nativity set up, which I wanted to do. Just to know the real meaning of the holiday. Even though I am unhappy, and severely depressed, I try to show something this year. Buying gifts is not going well. Husband doesn't offer to help. So I bought a few things clearanced out, and that is it. Really don't have the money this year. My husband can buy whatever he wants, and doesn't feel guilty about me having to feed 3 kids here, on 1 child only getting child support. I am feeding cats(4), dogs(4), and 1 blue front amazon (bird). The child support is not doing it, but he doesn't see it that way. I spent today, $105 on groceries at SAMs club. Didn't buy very much. Saw a great gift to buy each of the kids (ages 16-24). But said, I can't spend this amount of money.

All he buys is stuff for himself. He doesn't see the toilet paper, papertowels, dish soap, clothes soap, kleenexes, toothpaste, lightbulbs, garbage bags, etc. that we use every day.

With the help of my church, I might be able to make it through. They have given me so much support, the people are great. I started going to this church 2 months ago. It is new, and the building is being constructed as we speak. We hold the services in a small building now.

LETS - anyone think of something that they can do to make this holiday a true meaning of christmas. Anything, simple, and true to the heart. Lets see what you all can think of.

c2m,

This is a good thread - I don't really have anything to add - just really tired tonight - but would love to hear ideas.

I am going to my Moms so all the Christmas stuff will be done there. I just did a few things and that was it. Just didn't feel like it.

D.

Hi C2M! I'm sorry you're going thru this during this Season of (supposed) cheer. You wanted some happy things posted here; well I have a few...
I'm a really nostalgic romantic old fool. So, to me, Christmas is just listening to the old Christmas Carols and songs - just listening to the WORDS of these songs, that were written so long ago, before the world and society got so greedy and self-centered, and terrorism and war on everybody's minds. Lyrics like: "peace, good will, on earth to men", "silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright" - "chestnuts roasting on an open fire", etc. O I could probably post dozens more, but I wonder, just how many folks really listen to the words of these songs? Do you know anyone who has ever roasted chestnuts on a fire? I don't, although I tried it once - ha! burnt the crap out of them. Blackened chestnuts - even the inside caught fire heheheeee. How about old-fashioned sleighrides in the country - now I tried that once also, way back in early '80s - although I froze my a$$ off it was so neat! Tobaggan rides, they were fun too. Ever bundled up and just went door-to-door singing Christmas Carols with a bunch of folks from your church? I did it and really enjoyed it - although at the time, it was in Arizona and it was something like 50 degrees hehehehee, but we still enjoyed it.
I have a Christmas Tradition I've kept since late '80s: Every December, I will watch sometime after December 1st but before Christmas Day - three movies. "Scrooged" with Bill Murray. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase. And last, but not least, "It's A Wonderful Life" with J. Stewart & Lionel Barrymore. What a way to cheer up the season!
Hope this is uplifting.
Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men (and Women too).
Harold

Yes, to roast chestnuts on a OPEN Fire, I did many years ago, as my parents were great friends with another couple that had children around the same age. They lived on a farm, and we roasted them. We put them on a wire mesh thingy, and roasted them and they were really great. The ones that weren't overdone. This is communing with nature. Also, sleigh rides, well, we did for a couple of years. Our cousins had a horse, named Nellie. She was just a fat old mare, and she took us down the back roads. They lived in the country. Was so great, to be singing and they put bells on Nellie, it was a wagon, not a sleigh. This is something that I have always wanted to do, for our kids. Just seemed my H was not into the outdoor stuff, and really didn't want to do much but watch TV, or the COMPUTER!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Singing, I remember the times, when the kids were little, and through boyscouts, the boys would go to the nursing home and sing. Also, through church the kids would sing to the older folks. To see the joy of these older people, who have put their time into this world, the joy in their hearts, and the smiles. It is so uplifting, and to hear them say, ohhhh, ahhhh! These little things that bring joy to humans.

I enjoyed singing at church, on christmas eve. The words of the songs meant so much, I would picture Jesus in Marys womb, the ride to Bethehem. Seeing the stables, and offering to let the couple stay in the stables. To see Jesus, and to see the shining light of the bright star. So real, so vivid in ones eyes. Oh holy night, is my favorite song, especially with a tenor singing, oh so wonderful!!!

We should all, sit down and read the words of the most famous old christmas songs and read the words like a book.

Glad to hear you enjoy the outdoors, and enjoy the old movies.

Anyone else have a great tradition that they have, or would like to start????????

I prayed for one family last night. So warm, so rich in thought. I prayed for their children, and their grandchildren. This was really inspiring. Also, to do my self-esteem homework, made the assignmnet easier.

Come on folks, lets hear something from the rest of you!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> this one is singing carols.

Great thread c2m! I had some great holidays during high school as part of the french club. We learned carols in French and sang at nursing homes. It was wonderful. For a fund raiser, we each made a "buche de noel" (Christmas log) which is a sponge cake rolled up with icing inside and decorated to look a tree branch. I still have the recipe. The the money would fund the ingredients for our fondue party and we all learned how to make several types of fondue. Funny thing is, I was pretty good at French back then. When I went to southern France this year, I could hardly understand a word anyone said. LOL I came back with an increased appreciation for food.

I made some fudge last weekend and have ingredients for 4 types of holiday cookies. Money's squeaky tight right now. More than tight really, as I'm behind on just about everything. I will not be deterred by money problems. Last year I baked lots of cookies to get myself into a holiday spirit as I was in the throes of separating from my stbx. I tried all new recipes and they all turned out great. I visited friends and family with homebaked goodies and I managed to have a great holiday in spite of my marriage falling to pieces.

I believe in "count it as joy". Even when things are tough, I believe it's so very important to search through the sadness and find something that brings joy and contentment. I believe it's the best way to make room in my life for good things, and conversely, moaning and groaning about all that's wrong is simply an invitation for more bad things to come along. Cheers everyone.

To make cookies has been a tradition my whole childhood. Son asked me to make some for christmas day. So I will. Otherwise, no desire to make cookies, or anything. Didn't even get a tree this year, just decorated the Fig tree with 3 strands of lights. Good enough. Just don't really care, am in a depressed mood, and today being our 25th anniversary, just really put me down in the dumps. Not a word from my stbxh, nothing. He doesn't care, and doesn't care about the family. Hopefully, I can get through this, without any more tears tomorrow.

I heard from a friend of mine, a tradition their family did every year, was go in the back acres, and cut a tree down everyyear. The tree could look great, or be a charlie brown tree. But whatever, they knew it came from their soil, and all the kids decided and dad cut the tree down. It is so sad she said, that their family is broke up, her dad died when she was in her final year of high school. And her mom died with leukemia, about 10 years later. Her siblings, are fighting, and she wants the family to be together. They have had 2 divorces, one committed adultery in his marriage, and now the kids are all messed up and I just see this happening with my family.

I know our kids are getting messed up psychologically, and talking to others on another board, e-mails with them, the kids are getting messed up, and it is the result of the divorce. The older ones, are having just as hard of a time with the divorce as the younger ones. They had a family, and now they don't. They have to decide which parent to visit, and if they marry, they could have 3 sets of parents to visit, and how are they to do this.

I was listening to a christian program this morning. And a young woman, married recently, didn't know how to settle the arrangement of where to go. They both wanted to be fair, but with his family divorced, and neither parent married, and her parents still married, they have 3 different places to go. And the hurt that can cause one parent to feel. And to invite both parents to the same place, doesn't work either. The kids are the ones that feel bad, and what ever they do, someone will get hurt. So they were thinking of not going anywhere, and just staying home. What a mess, what unfairness to the young couple. I feel this is going to happen to our kids. I know the kids are sensitive, and they already are showing signs of hurting, which my stbxh doesn't see, and this is killing me inside. At times like this is when I really want to kill myself, and there, they only have one parent to deal with in the future.

Anyways, christmas is around the corner, and I got one more christmas card to pray for tonight. Not many cards this year, but I know why, divorce distances you from friends and family. It happens all the times, and it should not be a surprise. I am calling the people who sent me a card, and saying thankyou. And those that don't know what is happening, just telling them what is happening, and no card will be sent this year. $$$$ is a factor, and I need to save all the money I can.

Not a great year, not a great christmas, just a pure low down year.

My fathers 1year of being gone, is coming up. Been thinking about that, and all that we went through the year before he died. He is in a better place, and will visit his grave tomorrow. Putting a wreath on his grave, and asking for him to look after me. Since I have no man to look after me now.

good topic.

Interestingly, I've always felt that my WH and his family overspent on Christmas but we did share some meaningful traditions. We put up and decorated the tree several weeks before Christmas - my H and I always bought each other new ornaments each year, I made fruit cake, my H made persimmon cookies, we threw a big party for our employees and gave out Christmas bonuses, the family got together, watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, opened presents, and then went to visit friends in the afternoon, ate too much, and came home.

This year without my H, I wasn't going to put up a tree at all, but he contacted me through his lawyer to request 1/2 the ornaments, and once I had them all out to sort them, I decided to go ahead and put up and decorate the tree with the remaining 1/2 of the ornaments. I'm glad I did.

I've done some of the same things by myself: the fruit cake, the employee Christmas party, etc. and I've also been to several parties where someone played the guitar and/or the piano and we all sang Christmas carols and an impromptu group got together and we're going to go sing carols on Saturday night in town. At one party, we went around the room, each describing our favorite memories of Christmas when we were growing up.

I cut way down on the number and cost of presents this year but still tried to get something meaningful for each person on my list. I'll be spending Christmas with one of my brothers, his family, and my 95 year old dad 3000 miles from home, but I'll get to see many family members I rarely get a chance to see.

All in all, this Christmas has turned out to be more meaningful than the ones where "shop till you drop" seemed to be the motto.

Cheez I packed my videotapes with the Christmas movies on it because we're moving so I can't watch them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> We're moving down the road about 40 miles - can't take anymore of this hectic MetroPlex big-city life so we sold the house and are getting outta town to a nice quiet place called Granbury - it's a retirement town on a lake so we're settling down finally. Guess I'll just have to watch my Christmas movies later.
Just checkking in, see y'all later! I need to go pack some more boxes now hehehehee.
Harold

The holidays are so special --- I don't want to miss a minute of them....

I get the kids together early in December and we put on Christmas Carols, make a big crock of spiced cider, set out a plate of cookies with butter icing, decorate the house and the yard, and anything else that doesn't move too fast. This year we tied a big red bow to the car!!! Looks great! We feel festive and wonderful - and there are Christmas Carols playing at any given hour for the entire month... Our favorite - "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear"

We work with a group of friends to build the float for the Parade of Lights and my kids are part of the live Nativity on the float. My older daughter manages the security/traffic management team - and directs traffic for the parade. We went to the community concert after the parade and shared cookies, cider and good wishes with friends and family gathered there.

Life isn't perfect - we may not get what we want for Christmas - and what we get won't cost much --- but there's a lot of spirit at our house. We picked up nice gifts for a family in our neighborhood - and will wrap and deliver them on Christmas Eve - along with a selection of home baked cookies for their family to enjoy.

We spent an evening wrapping gifts for Toys for Tots, The Christmas pagents are coming - and all of the kids have a part of some kind in them... I even have a part this year!!!

I can't imagine being so depressed that I don't want to CELEBRATE the birth of my Lord and Savior! We put the tree up early - and leave it up through the traditional month of January --- while we celebrate the blessings we've received...

Don't hesitate to find the joy in the moment - you may not have another moment.

Jan

Good to hear what you all thought and doing. Yes, this is the day the Lord has made, and let us be wise and wonderful, and bless Him everyday.

c2m,
When you posted this thread, I remembered that I had promised to send you a book. It turns out I didn't have that book anymore, so I sent you substitute. I hope it arrived! I hope your shoulder continues to heal and I wish there was something I could do to chase that black cloud of depression from your head. The best I can do is send you cyber warm fuzzies and remember you in my prayers. {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} {{{{{{{prayers}}}}}} Hang in there!

c2m,

Many hugs and prayers are going your way. send me your email and I will send you a photo of my son and santa and a card. Nothing is better than more friends.

I lost my father too, three years ago. It is so hard when my dad, my greatest defender, is not there to stand tall and stand up to Deucey for me but can say that I am glad I've been able to do it for myself. But it is hard w/0 my dad. He would have hunted Deucey down like a dog if he were still alive.