I can surely see where my husband gets all his bad traits from -- I currently have a divorce pending. It all started with my husband cheating on me and then the lies -- even though he says he wants to work things out he still is lying to me. He had an A with a co-worker so it is very hard for me to get over it considering he still works with her. We are in divorce which will be final on Feb. 21st. we still talk every day, he asks me to cancel the divorce all the time and take him back, etc. etc. etc. He also used to be VERY verbal abusive. But has been peachy nice since the divorce is hanging over his head.

I've been seeing a counselor for almost a year now. She's seen us both on other occassions. Once in a great while my H would go if I found something out about him and the OW.

He also took a MMPI test which indicated he has some tendencies to lie (and doesn't even realize it!!). I asked my counselor whether there was any shred of hope left for us or should I just cut my loses. She knows everything -- and she said cut your loses. The thing is, my H's mother is another breed I guess. She doesn't even talk to anyone in her family but her mother & son & daughter. She has 3 other sisters whom she hasn't spoke with in over a year or two. She just flat out refuses. In fact, her daughter had a b-day party for one of her kids (her own granddaughter) and they didn't go which they always do because she found out that she was also inviting an aunt (one of the sisters she doesn't talk to) then she didn't talk to her daughter for quite a long time also. Well I'm now in that boat because I filed divorce over her son. I realize there is some parents out there with the "my son can do no wrong" attitude but every chance she gets she tells her daughter how rotten I am and that she can't believe what I've done etc. Not once stopping to look at what her son has done. She has never encouraged him to work on his marriage just suggestions on what he should do to 'protect' himself. (ie. better talk to cousin so and so, he went for joint custody). Mind you, she barely asks and never wants to see the kids. They live about 1 1/2 hours from us and even when they are in town they don't come to see them. I've hinted in the past that maybe if my H came down to visit (on a sunday to go hunting) I could send the kids with him. She didn't take me up on it and says she is too busy.

Anyway, she sent me an e-mail saying that she just found out the other day that our divorce was still on and she was upset because we both were acting like everything was ok. etc. etc. etc. I sent her a 4 page e-mail back, heart to heart, really thought out about their son & my relationship. Which I THOUGHT was going to give me a chance to have my "say" in this as well. It wasn't rude at all & I didn't bash their son at all. Just pointed out our problems. Unfortunately, she only heard what she wanted to hear. I had said in the letter about my H not wanting to go to counseling and pointing out to the fact that he finds time to do the things that is important to him. (ie. he had a counseling appointment on a thursday, cancelled it and came down to their house to tongue and groove instead) also that he would say that he had to work, yet he went in early so he could get off early from work to go down to their house. The point I was trying to make was that he finds time to do the things that are important to him and apparently counseling and working on his marriage aren't one of them. Well what SHE got out of it (my sister-in-law told me) was that I was pissed because he was doing things with his parents and helping them out. That was not the point at all. She once told me before that she didn't think divorce was the answer, but I told her I've tried everything else. So basically I'm the schmuck in all of this now and she won't have anything to do with me.

The thing that topped it off was today's e-mail from her. They sent the kids an e-mail card that said "Craig & Michael, we are waiting to see you on Christmas Day love grandma & grandpa" Well I know that was like a slap in my face. I know I'm not invited and she was just being rude and was trying to. I know her well enough to know that is what she was trying to do. Her daughter ( my sister in law) (whom we get along good) told me she was going to send me a nasty e-mail and that her husband said he didn't think she should but she was going to anyway. Well, never did get it, just got the card for the kids. Which I'm sure was a nasty intention.

I swear no matter what I'll never step one foot in their house again no matter if their son & I work this out or the D goes through. This is probably petty of me, but I really was going to give my H the kids for Christmas, now I'm going to keep them, invite him with us, and if she says anything I'll e-mail her saying "it is clear that you are upset with me right now, I don't think the children should be exposed to that environment. Maybe we should wait until you cool down a little before they visit."

How does everyone else deal with the in-laws??????

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]</small>

Faith - this is so unfair, and unthoughtful. Having a divorce is hard in itself, but to deal with all this other stuff, unbelievable. Your kids should have some contact with the grandparents. Even though they are being petty. If you don't go over there, maybe you could have them make a phone call. Just to show that you still care, and are willing to have a good relationship. Don't put yourself down to their level. Doing this is only going to hurt the kids, and they will see you as the ugly one. Prove, that you have a kind heart, and will keep them included. Maybe not in person, but through a phone call.

This is not the time to fight. Let them be the devils, and let them bear the circumstances of their actions. You are the angel here. Let your kids see that you are an angel in their eyes.

I am so fortunate that I have a wonderful mother-in-law. She is great, encouraging, and does not like what her son is doing. She hates, his actions, and his words. She loves our kids, and tells me daily she loves them all. She does wish that we would stay together. I am so lucky, and I really love my mother-in-law.

I do wish that she was more involved in the kids activities, but she tried, and I can't criticize her. She did the best she could, with what she knew how. I will be a great grandmother, and interact with my grandkids on a regular schedule. If I am allowed to. I will not interfere, but give them lots of love, and attention.

Keep yourself respect, and do what God would want you do to. You know how you should respond to this attack against you. Bury the hurt feelings, and do what is right. God be with you, and your family.

I'm going to second what cry2much said...you need to be the better person in this situation, and provide a posistive example for the kids.

Due to an incident I described a few months ago on this forum, I am no longer on speaking terms with my "mother-out-law," as I call her. I think she is the only person I've ever met that I never want to speak to again!

For example, when XW was having her affair, MOL would tell me how she thought her daughter was making a mistake, how she hoped we would work things out, etc. Then she would turn around and gush to XW about how great OM was!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I don't know how old your kids are, but most kids are much more observant than we give them credit for...if she's a witch, and you're not, they'll figure it out on their own. My D now spends almost every weekend at my house, in part because she doesn't want to be around her grandma (who lives with XW).