My H and I are talking about Divorse (see full story on plan A/B Board).

He wants joint custody (which is fine), but he wants it every other week (at a minimum). What is your opinion? I don't want to keep him from our two kids (3yrs/1yr), but I want them to be stable in a home. He doesn't want to be a weekend dad. He wants the same allotted time. We were handling this nicely, but he says that I am being difficult. I would appreciate any advice.

We have to wait until we get back to the states (stationed overseas) in June 03 to file where we get stationed. I hope we can work our marriage out, but its doesn't look that way. I would appreciate any advice. I just want to protect myself and my kids.

He wants to stay friends and go out as a family (to zoo etc..) sometimes. I told him that I would need time to heal. He loves someone else (he thinks), but I love him and it would be very painful for me. I don't want this to get ugly, but it may. Thanks for the advice.

Barelyholdingon

At the young ages of your children, it would not be wise to go one week without seeing the other parent. Buy some books on this situation.
I recommend, How to help children cope with divorce the Sandcastles way - this book actually has a table of appropriate "parenting" times.
and Mom's house/dad's house.
These will even be helpful now, as you are in discussions, to ease your thoughts, and learn how to respond to your children.
God bless.

Barely -

I am sorry that you are going through this......

You are right. When it comes to the children it can get ugly, it's just a fact, so get prepared.

Think about the ages of your children before you agree to anything and get the advice of a child counselor. Usually 1 week away from the mother is TOO LONG for a 1 year old and even for a three year old.

And there will be no happy outings to the zoo with all of you for a VERY LONG TIME. It will be too painful for you, especially if there is another woman involved.

Right now, you need to read some books like Mom's House Dad's House and THe Unexpected LEgacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein and Co-parenting after Divorce so that you can get an idea of what is in store for you both.

Divorce and children DO NOT MIX and you will have to help them through the grieving process and they will grieve even being that young.

Usually it's the WS and the one who leave who DOES NOT SEE or DOES NOT WANT TO ACCEPT that they are causing any negative affects on the children.

Yes, children are resilient and can heal, just like adults, but that does not mean that they jump right to the healing part - they have to go through all the pain and hurt just like anyone else.

And children need stability at that age - expecially with one parent gone.

There are other arrangements that you can have like MT, WTH, FSSUN, MT,WTH, FSSUN - it's a two week rotation with each parent taking alternating those blocks of days.

My PHD child therapist says the kids should see the other parent every 3 days at least when they are this young.

When they are in school then every other week is the norm., but the kids need to be transitioned into it.

If your H really wanted to be a big part of the kids lives he would stay in the marriage and put the kids first instead of putting himself first and then making the kids just adapt to his lifestyle change.

Do what you think is right - moms have good instincts about their kids. And watch to make sure that they are adjusting to whatever you try out.

Good luck. K