We had our final hearing last week and I've had a persistent feeling since then that I shouldn't have moved so quickly, even though it had been 14 months of me holding my hand out to my WW with little response. A friend of mine that testified at the hearing told me he thought I should've waited longer because of the "chemistry" between my wife and I (we've been pretty much civil through the whole thing). I still love her very much and just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. What should I do to get closure?

BS - 35
WW - 33
M - 7/94 No Kids
WW tells me of A 10/01
D Final 12/02

litchfield,

If you know her well enough, why don't you ask her if you still need to move in the direction of dv? Is she still w/ OM? It's never too late to recover, unless you're in my boat, in which case I'd throw you my preserver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Best wishes.

Thoughts and prayers for you and W!

litchfield:

Don't worry about that now. Can't change the past. Div. is only a piece of paper anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The way I look at is this: With the "old, dead M" officially (according to the court of the land) dissolved, I look forward to a day when we will begin building a better, happier M!

I felt that once my WH put the wheels into motion to get Div'd, his resolve was so strong - NO WAY was he going tal allow himself to re-think it, or back out of that. Possibly your WW will now feel less pressured, and can find no more reasons to continue to want to be away from you, or need to run from you. This might cause a slow-down, and a possible look around, and remembering NOT all the bad, and reasons why she NEEDS to be div'd from you, but reminiscing (sp?) about the "good, old days," and maybe considering herself, too, that maybe the Div. came too quickly.

In other words, the "goal" of getting DIv'd to be with om, or just to be away from you was her driving force. WIth that gone, she will have to re-evaluate herself, find a new goal for her future. That will cause her to have to remember the M, and some of the good, less and less of the bad.

Take care and God Bless,

lupolady-

Your thoughts on your WH and his resolve to get D'd totally ring true with my situation. My XW (ouch, that's the first time I've typed that) can't stand indecisiveness and made up her mind early on to dissolve our M. Maybe you're right and she will have second thoughts. Regardless, I'm feeling good about getting on with life if I can figure out how to "let go" of all those memories and dreams from the last 12 years.

litchfield....come join our prayer group for the restoration of our marriages. Like lupo said it is only a piece of paper. I, for one, look at it as starting a whole new marriage. There is nothing I desire more than to have a NEW BEGINNING with my wife. I want the old dirty marriage gone and a clean new one.

You and your wife sound just like me and my wife. Our chemistry was incredible and I have had a lot of people tell me they think we could put it back together because of this but somehow we ( God will) have to convince the other half that it can be done.

Maybe she will see what she is missing and want her family back again.

Praying for you.

Love in Christ
cajunky

litch - you could always put the final day of divorce on hold. There is a way, and that way you two could just stay separated and work on your feelings for each other. You could do an annulment too. There are ways, and if you feel in your heart that this is what you should do, then do it. I am in the same situation, my husband hurt me physically, and that is when I filed. I filed cause I was scared, and didn't know who this person was. I filed in April. But now I can dismiss the divorce. I have good reasons to dismiss the case.

Like you, I feel my husband and I care very much about each other. There is a lot of wash to clean, but the basics are there, and the love is there too. My husband is in a midlife crisis, and he has caused pain to me and our kids.

If you feel this was a mistake, I feel the same way, go through an annulment, or have the divorce creed put on hold. Talk to your lawyer about this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by litchfield:
<strong> My XW can't stand indecisiveness and made up her mind early on to dissolve our M.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nothing new to add, just checking in......

ANd wanted to add this little bit of "humor"? My WH *never* finished anything. I mean, we lived in house after house that he started "reconstruction" on.....NEVER finished a single project! We'd MOVE out of the houses before he ever finished a single project, whether it was a back porch, or fencing, whatever.....

THIS TIME?!?!?!? THE ONLY TIME HE EVER FINISHED A SINGLE SOLITARY PROJECT IN HIS LIFE, IT HAD TO BE TO DISSOLVE HIS M?!?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Funny, huh?

Thanks again for all of the comments and support. It's been such a relief to be able to come to this site the past few months and communicate with people that can actually relate to what I'm going through...

Cajunky- Thanks for the invite to the prayer group and maybe I'll stop over sometime. Here's a verse that's provided me with lots of comfort while I try to put my life back together:

Assurance of Guidance (Proverbs 3:5-6):
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight"

cry2much: I'm not sure what you mean with regards to putting it on hold as my D settlement was signed by the Judge last wednesday. I'm now a divorcee.

Lupo- That's a tough one when he decides to become decisive at just the WRONG time. One of the most important tips I picked up at this site was the importance of being consistent so that's the main reason I went through with my D...I hope ya'll have a good christmas!