Hi people,
On the advice of my lawyer, I suggested a different visitation schedule to my almost X. He had suggested:
20/12/02 Arrive late in Melb.
21/12/02 See kids around lunch time
22/12/02 Have kids for the day
26/12/02 Take them up to home town
2/1/03 Drop them back to me
4/1/03 Take them out for the day
6/1/03 Leave Melb for Sydney (maybe they can get to airport)
He was insisting that OW be there for all of those meetings, and DID use the word FORCE, when referring to my son's refusal to visit with OW, or go on a holiday with them. My revision of the plan:
21/12/02 Spend the day with the kids, alone. That way they get some intense one on one with him.
22/12/02 Spend several hours with the kids this day, introducing OW later in the day for a couple of hours.
26/12/02 Take the children to home town but they spend the first couple of nights at the farm with Grandparents while they stay at their own accomodation(his Mum has agreed to this already.)
30/12/02 Home to me - shortened holiday, I know, but it leaves the next few days for more visits.
31/12/02 - 5/01/03 Visits as we agree
I also added that the kids will NOT be seeing him off at the airport on the 6th as I want them here with me that day....it is the day my divorce is final <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .
I discussed this kind of arrangement with son, and he is still having none of it, but seemed a tiny bit less threatened. However, I do not want a situation where he is kicking and screaming while being dragged away, as I believe that kind of thing would be a major trauma for him.....so I asked that he does not use force to take him, and if that means that he doesn't go, we will have to wear that. The damage it could do son, and his relationship with his dad does not warrant that kind of thing.
Well today I heard from the lawyer that he will agree to this visitation schedule, denies that he ever used the word force (I have that email all carefully saved <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) and is in agreement that if son clearly does NOT want to go, so be it. I think my lawyer contacting his scared him a little:).
So, I am content with this, as he seems to be thinking more of the child, and I have it in writing that he will not force son. My lawyer says that I can now contact the police if things get nasty, and show them all relevant correspondences, particularly the one where he agrees not to force son to go. When they see he did agree not with the revised plan, he will have to leave son behind, if it gets that bad.
I am not a bad mother. I hope son will go or stay of his own free will, not because of coersion. But at least I know I have some legal legs to stand on if things get nasty, and I am content with that.
I do not like the idea of condoning their relationship to the children, but it does seem as though it will look bad for me in the future, so I reneg. Not really happy about it, but if I am not seen to be negotiating, it will not look good.
Thanks for all advice on my other thread regarding this matter.
Love and light,
Jacky
<small>[ December 16, 2002, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: Nina too ]</small>
