This is all very wierd to me goin on line but I'm loosing hope on what to do, maybe even in denial of what may be the best. My wife and I have been Married for 14 yrs and together on and off 3 yrs prior. We have 2 children.Anyway the conflicts with the relationship started after first 2 yrs. Myself being the guilty party and caused great distrust by a one night stand. We got through it for about 2 years and the roles were reversed from myself to her only this time a child was the result. In the middle of trying to figure out what to do. the person who had been involved with my wife to create the issue was killed in a car accident. Do to how much I loved her and my regretful feelings of what I had done prior we felt we had learned somthing that could make us stronger, with the fact that third party was now not a concern we worked thru it together. We struggled for a few years but drifted apart gradually to where we are now for the most part of her returning the past situations whenever any type of conflict arose even when conflict had no relationship to the past. She has recently strayed again do to our inability to get it together. We both knowingly admit our own faults to each other that led to this but are struggling with when is enough enough. We both have become best of friends over the years and she feels that has what it has become verses a husband and wife relationship. We are at the point of calling it quit's myself being not ready to give up and she is back and forth on what to do. If things were not so civil between us it would be easier to figure out. For myself I feel that is a pretty good foundation to start with but realize it takes both of us to make it more. Sorry for the long story

First, don't be sorry.

You have come to the right place.

It sounds like you can have a wonderfully happy marriage but that you just need some direction, which MB(Marriage Builders) can give you.

Please read the info. on this site. or read His Needs Her Needs(HSHN) by Williard Harley Jr. This will explain to you about your marriage , why you have drifted apart and what you have to do to get back on track.

You both have been through so much that it would be shame to separate. THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER OUTSIDE MARRIAGE. Believe me, especially if there are children involved.

AFter you read the info. You should print out the questionaires about EN(EMotional NEeds) and LB(Love Busting) it would be the most helpful if you filled it out and your wife filled it out, but if she is unwilling, then fill out hers as if you were her.

THen I would do what is called a Plan A - which is to meet her ENs and stop Bing.

THis will rebuild your love and once she is in love with you again, then she will want to fulfill your needs.

THere is also a section on the site about how to solve disagreements and how to negotiate in marriage.

If you really wanted to jump start your marriage, I'd make a call to Steve Harley or Jennifer HArley Chalmers and they can help you with a plan to SAVE your marriage. It's cheaper then attorneys and divorce - I'd at least give it a try.

I can see so much hope for an incredible marriage for you two if only you start to educate yourselves about Marriage Builders and learning to meet each other's needs.

Read the info. see what you think and even post on the Emotional Needs board if you have questions or on the GQII board. There are so many people who have been in your shoes and you ca neven go to the recovery board and see that there are lots of people who are sticking it out and loving it.

May God Bless You. K

lost62-
First of all don't be sorry for a long story. Via electronic communication it's the only way we get to "know" one another.

Reading your story I feel terrible for where you both are at. I pray for YOU both!

Are you in counseling or have you been before? Is she willing to give counseling a try?

Your friendship seems to be the glue at this moment and perhaps thru counseling you can rejuvenate what may have never been to begin with. You both could do something symbolic, such as taking letters of pain that you both write and buury them in the backyard!! I can't do that here as it would take a construction site augur to get thru the cold, cold
ground <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ! Conducting ceremonial activities can be very cathartic. Bringing about renewal!

In Christ!
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Thank you for the support, I have printed out and read all of the Marriage builders program from the web, I was able to get her to breifly look at some of it but am finding that the more I pressure to try and sit down and discuss the more she closes up. We had tried counseling years ago and had a bad experience. It ended up that we were paying someone to be a referee as all that they did was stir the arguments but offered no alternatives on how to work thru. My thought at the moment is to give her space by not pressing but to try and pratice some of the things I learned about in the reading. In the past I tended to smother her due to my impatience. I see now what an old saying my motherinlaw used to say If you love let it go, if it comes back it was yours, if not you never really had it. I had questioned my self not long ago weather I really truly loved her with all the problems we were having. I feel very frustrated with myself that it took us to this point to make me realize that I do truly love her.