Just some quick specifics. W and I are getting divorced. Custody agreement was entered in court two weeks ago. 50/50 across the board. I agreed to let my daughter go to daycare/school wherever my W lives as long as she lives in a specified area which is easily accessable to me. We have equal say in ALL decisions and have her an equal amount of time. Since I moved out in July, we have lived this agreement to the letter. I have been paying half the mortgage, hm eqty loan, joint credit card bills and car insurance. We have shared all "child" related expenses equally. I bring home about $1300 more a month than she does. Incidently, I am in the process of buying her out of the house.

My question is do I owe her CS? Since I'm already incurring half the costs of raising our daughter by having her half the time and we've shared all the expenses equally thus far, is she entitled to CS? Have we already set a precedent?
I have no problem paying CS, but I don't want to do it just to even out our standards of living.

sad dad

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My question is do I owe her CS? Since I'm already incurring half the costs of raising our daughter by having her half the time and we've shared all the expenses equally thus far, is she entitled to CS? Have we already set a precedent?
I have no problem paying CS, but I don't want to do it just to even out our standards of living.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is a custodial parent and a non-custodial parent and the NCP usually is required to pay child support. You would probably be required to pay 1/2 of the joint bills as well. I think the only thing, legally, that you would get a break on would be paying half the mortgage, because cs is to help defray the cost of housing for the child. Have you talked to your attorney about this? I'm sure he/she would have better advice for your specific situation.

There really isn't an issue of custodial vs. non-custodial. The JPA clearly states that my W's address will be used as our daughter's address "for the sole purpose of establishing residency for school". I am getting the house.
My W has her on M & Th overnight, I have her on Tu-W overnight and we alternate weekends. On my days, I pick her up or drop her off at daycare, and vice versa. It is truly 50/50 shared custody.

Since I moved out, I've paid have the household bills, but only the "debt" related ones (i.e. mortgage, hm eqty loan, joint credit cards). I have not paid half of her utilities, groceries, etc.

sad dad

You will owe child support based upon the differennces in your incomes, that is all. This will be minimal if the difference is only $1300.

How they figure CS out is that they take a pre-formulated 'cost' of raising a child. Then they take your wages and your wife's wages and find a percentage based upon those. Thus if the child costs $100 a week to 'support' then they will determine what percentage of that each of you are lible for given your wages. Say you make 30% more than she does, then you will be responsible for approximately 70% or so of the weekly support of the child. Thus you will pay $70 a week and she will be responsible for $30.

If she had full custody, you would be required to pay the entire $100. It is the diffrence between wht percentage you make versus her. Then her part is subtracted from yours and you owe the difference.

You probably will not owe anything else at all, unless state laws say that you do. At least here, we are a direct 50/50 state at filing. Everything is 50/50 and NOTHING else matters. Thee is no alimony and child support is based as above. I am sure that laws are very different everywhere however. So it WILL matter where you live.

I would not worry about the 'precedent' of paying. Usually there is always a big difference between what you pay during the divorce and what you pay afterwards. For most, during is more. Half of all her bills is far too much after divorce. You should split what you owe, and pay your part and she is responsible for her part and all future bills she incurs. Maybe I misunderstood this part of your question.

Take care and look under the state law site on the web, where you live. There is usually a very clear discussion about this type of thing.

My lawyer told me once that one possibility is that I would pay 20% of the difference in our net monthly pay, which seems fair. I pay the insurance premiums on our daughter's health care.

sad dad

And who will claim your child on taxes? This also needs to be determined...

Good question. I guess that can be negotiated. I would like to be able to claim her on my taxes since I will be paying for more of her care and I don't believe CS is tax deductible.

sad dad

First of all, merry Christmas to all of you!

I stopped by the house today to open presents with my daughter. While my daughter was playing, my W and started talking about the transfer of the house from her to me and about CS. Her lawyer told her she would get 20% of my net monthly pay. I told her that's the statute for one child if she didn't work or had a minimal income and had our daughter the majority of the time, neither of which is the case in our situation. My W makes about $48k and we have 50/50 joint custody, I actually have my daughter more than half the time. My lawyer told me it would be 20% of the DIFFERENCE in our salaries based on our custody agreement and incomes.
That seems more fair since I'm incurring half the cost of raising her having her half the time.
Am I correct?

sad dad

It truly is a formula which differs by state. Don't worry about it, a computer program spits out the amount based on your incomes, and you will get credit for paying her health insurance.
Good Luck.

Sad Dad,

Your lawyer is correct. It is a 50/50 custody arrangement. You will probably pay a % of the difference in incomes if that, you will get credit for insurance, and for paying daycare, those two things right there may even things out to where you shouldn't have to pay your ex anything. Is she paying anything at all towards those two things? If not, she should be. If you are having her more than 50%, document, document, document. I can not stress how important that is. Support will be a bare minimum if any. Alot of 50/50 I have seen, no support is granted because the parents cover all expenses for the child/ren while in thier care. Each parent is responsible for daycare while they have the child/ren, who ever pays insuarnce, the other parent reimburses their share of the premiums to that parent and so on. All else is usually split down the middle as well. Just don't let your ex and her lawyer take advantage of the situation. You should NOT at all pay a full support % while having 50% custody, never, so do not agree to it. If her lawyer is telling her that, he is wrong or she is just trying to get to you.

What state are you in?

Melissa

newly & Melissa,

Thanks for checking in. I'll give you some specifics in my situation. I live in Illinois.
Since I moved out in July, we have split everything equally. I pay half of the mortgage, home eqty loan, joint credit cards, daycare and car insurance. My daughter's health insurance has been paid by me since she's been born. I bring home about $1300/mth more than my W. I've paid all the expenses for my daughter while she is with me, and vice versa. We have split the cost of her clothing, dance class, etc.

I am in the process of buying my W out of her share of the house. Financing has already been approved and closing is scheduled for the end of January. My W will net about $48k. She is planning on buying a townhouse not far from our house.

Other factors in the financial settlement are retirement benefits. My W has worked for a large corporation for 12 yrs (we've been married for 6-1/2) with excellent pension, profit sharing and stock benefits. I work for a small company witn no such plan, just some mutual funds that I pay into. My W contributed heavily into her retirement plan for OUR future, so I know I'm entitled to a portion of that. If she didn't have that option, we would have invested our $$$ in some other retirement vehicle. I know this is an issue that will piss her off, but I only want what I'm entitled to. I need to protect MY future. I don't want to make a mistake today that I'll pay for when I'm 65.

Also, my mother recently passed away (12/14). I'm due a fairly substantial inheritance. In Illinois, inheritances are not considered marital property unless they are held in a joint account or joint title/deed.

Unless I've got my facts mixed up, I should be in very good shape financially, now and in the future. I have no problem paying CS, I just want it to be a fair amount based on our incomes and time spent with our daughter. I would never allow our daughter to want for anything, I just want assurances that any $$$ I pay will be for our daughter, and not to improve my W's standard of living. My W has alot to lose financially and I have alot to gain. I've known this all along, but never said anything to my W about it because I didn't want $$$ to influence her decision. My mantra all along has been "I never wanted this, I'm just trying to make the best of the hand I've been dealt". My big concern is that my W will blame me for the situation she'll find herself in, even though it was her choice. IMHO, when this all started, I think she envisioned she'd get 70%/80% custody, a big CS payment, the house, her retirement package intact and possibly the OM taking my place. It's not working out that way. I don't want resentment or bitterness on her part to affect our ability to co-parent together.

Thanks,
sad dad

<small>[ December 27, 2002, 10:22 AM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

I didn't read your profile before, I'm on the slow plan too. We only now have a verbal custody agreement, and that's because the lawyers were sick of it and told us to go to a mediator.
My H wants 50/50 only to avoid CS. I was effectively a single parent for 5 years, and now he thinks he can parent these children. He's not capable of true 50/50 (currently he's living at his parent's house and they basically do everything for the girls and him). For a year now, he's demanded 50/50, and I know in my heart, it's not in the best interest of the children. He's not emotionally or mentally mature enough to do this on his own.I hope you are truly a good dad, and do what is best for your daughter.
Don't forget about college costs either. Spell it out, particularly if your incomes are so close.

newly,

Our custody agreement is formal. We signed it 12/5. If your H has not been equally involved with raising your children and you don't believe he's capable of doing so, by all means, do not agree to 50/50. It's NOT in the best interest of your children. In our case, I was completely involved in raising our daughter, from bottles to diapers to feedings to Dr. visits. I dropped her off/picked her up from my SIL who watched her for us when she was young. I picked her up from daycare everyday since she was 18 months old. I took her to the park or bike riding or played Barbie's with her everday after work waiting for my W to get home. I fed her dinner everyday (and made dinner for my W and I also). I am a complete PARENT in every sense of the word. I think that's a big reason why my W agreed to 50/50 because she knew if it went to court it could go either way, especially if the Judge viewed her extramarital behavior as a contributing factor in the situation. IMHO, as a father, I'm without peer.

As far as a college fund, I'll be as generous as possible because I know it's for my daughter. I don't care if my W's equally as generous.

Again, don't agree to 50/50 if you have any question of whether your H is a capable parent. Your children's well being rests with your resolve. I strongly suggest you go to mediation.
It was the best thing I did. It dispelled my W's perception that the mother always gets custody. It was a real wake up call for her to have a mediator, an expert on custody matters, tell her the way it is. It helped dismiss all the gender bias my W was banking on. After mediation, we sat down and reached an agreement less than an hour. Same should be true for your H. He'll see that the role he's played as a father, not simply the fact that he is one, will be the deciding factor if you leave it up to a judge.
Good luck.

sad dad

<small>[ December 27, 2002, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

Sad Dad,

You definately won't be giving your wife a grand lifestyle.

Make sure you keep all your receipts for everything.

Ill. is getting with the times nowadays, has taken them awile, but they are getting there.

I think you are going to be just fine. Your wife is going to be getting a true wake up call pretty soon when she see's how the support will play out. Like I said, you will pay a bare minimum IF that, sounds to me like you are already paying more than 50% of cost for your daughter, which is wonderful. The judge may just keep everything status quo, it seems to be working fine.
You also have some leverage to bargain with.

You have been a class act throughout this whole thing(I have been a lurker for awile).

Melissa

Melissa,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mshermi:
<strong>You have been a class act throughout this whole thing...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you. That means so much to me. I've got every reason to be angry, bitter and resentful, but I've tried really hard to handle this whole situation with class and dignity and not let it change the man I am.

sad dad

SadDad,
I think you are being very fair. This is refreshing to hear when so many children are raised in peverty due to divorce.
The 20% of the differance sounds right to me.When a woman marries and divorces, she is not entitled to a sugar daddy the rest of her life, but what is fair and equitablr to the children.
When a woman gives up her career to raise children while the husband builds an amazing income, I do feel that spousal maintanance is fair until the woman is educated or on her feet. This is not you situation at all. $48,000 is a decent income to support herself.

ezra,

Thank you. All I want is a fair settlement that
minimizes the financial ties between us and doesn't leave either of us in a financial bind now or in the future, yet one that gives our daughter the best quality of life possible.

It makes me sad to hear about ex-spouses who are obligated to pay CS but don't or recieve CS and spend the money on a car, vacations, trips to the spa, etc. Married or divorced, the children should always come first.

sad dad

just looking for more insight