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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94
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Joined: Dec 2002
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she's actually telling me she "loves" him. UGH!
i guess she never would have said that if i didn't lower her defences with plan A.
when she says it, it's like stabbing me in the heart, but i bite my lip and play along.
psychologically this is amazing and is working and may win her back but.....
how am i going to handle this if i do win her back?
talk about "head games"
i don't like it
"MAD"Jack
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 159
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Jack,
Are you ok? I know you are not. I am glad you are here talking about what is going on, and you have every right to be angry, and emotionally confused. I am worrying about you right now.
Yes it is so much like a game right now but you need to decide if you are willing to play and if you do, you have to have a statagy.
This is so messed up right now I know...believe me I know....
Cj
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94
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Posts: 94 |
fooltoolong
i'm an 'expert' at the head games but i don't like playing them on this field (with my wife, my life and some total bum).
yes, i'm messed up, that's why i'm here.
another sleepless night for me.
MadJack
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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i'm an 'expert' at the head games But MB principles are NOT head games. It is acting in loving ways towards your spouse and not Lovebusting.
You can tell her in a non-threatening way that you don't want to hear her say she loves him. "It hurts me deeply when you say that. Would you please not do it when I am around?"
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,906
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Good evening, Jack.
How has your Plan A been going? I was pretty busy the last couple of days, but I wanted to check in and see how you're doing.
I see you've done quite a bit of posting, and have gotten some really good responses. A key point to remember: You probably will get lots of contradictory advice, one of the weaknesses of an "open" forum....you'll find some really great advice from some of the "old-timer" posters....those who've been around here quite awhile. Look for those folks with hundreds of posts. It's a good bet that most of them are "seasoned" posters, and have walked the steps you have yet to walk in......
Please take the advice seriously that tells you this is a process, and a long one to boot!
Also, somewhere (in the Archives, perhaps?) you might find posts about the 5 stages of grieving. You ARE grieving. You are grieving the loss of your M. Maybe you won't end up Div'd, but in the meantime, the M you THOUGHT you had just 2 weeks ago is over. Big shocker, eh? Well, in its place, you might build a new, stronger, better one!
In the meantime, you will grieve what is now lost. There are stages to your grief. First, denial, then anger, another is bargaining and finally despair (I know I don't have them all - or in order, but of course, this is all very fluid, and we "slip" from one stage to the next, and back again throughout this process). I can't remember all the stages and what they do to you. Maybe I (or someone?) can find a post explaining the grieving stages, which will help you understand all that is going on in your mind during all this.
Keep posting. We're all here to help.
God Bless,
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