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#741339 12/18/02 02:46 AM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94
J
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J Offline
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94
she's actually telling me she "loves" him. UGH!

i guess she never would have said that if i didn't lower her defences with plan A.

when she says it, it's like stabbing me in the heart, but i bite my lip and play along.

psychologically this is amazing and is working and may win her back but.....

how am i going to handle this if i do win her back?

talk about "head games"

i don't like it

"MAD"Jack

#741340 12/18/02 02:58 AM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 159
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Jack,

Are you ok? I know you are not. I am glad you are here talking about what is going on, and you have every right to be angry, and emotionally confused. I am worrying about you right now.

Yes it is so much like a game right now but you need to decide if you are willing to play and if you do, you have to have a statagy.

This is so messed up right now I know...believe me I know....

Cj

#741341 12/18/02 03:08 AM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94
J
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Posts: 94
fooltoolong

i'm an 'expert' at the head games but i don't like playing them on this field (with my wife, my life and some total bum).

yes, i'm messed up, that's why i'm here.

another sleepless night for me.

MadJack

#741342 12/18/02 10:48 AM
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
C
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i'm an 'expert' at the head games
But MB principles are NOT head games. It is acting in loving ways towards your spouse and not Lovebusting.

You can tell her in a non-threatening way that you don't want to hear her say she loves him.
"It hurts me deeply when you say that. Would you please not do it when I am around?"

#741343 12/19/02 06:41 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,906
L
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Good evening, Jack.

How has your Plan A been going? I was pretty busy the last couple of days, but I wanted to check in and see how you're doing.

I see you've done quite a bit of posting, and have gotten some really good responses. A key point to remember: You probably will get lots of contradictory advice, one of the weaknesses of an "open" forum....you'll find some really great advice from some of the "old-timer" posters....those who've been around here quite awhile. Look for those folks with hundreds of posts. It's a good bet that most of them are "seasoned" posters, and have walked the steps you have yet to walk in......

Please take the advice seriously that tells you this is a process, and a long one to boot!

Also, somewhere (in the Archives, perhaps?) you might find posts about the 5 stages of grieving. You ARE grieving. You are grieving the loss of your M. Maybe you won't end up Div'd, but in the meantime, the M you THOUGHT you had just 2 weeks ago is over. Big shocker, eh? Well, in its place, you might build a new, stronger, better one!

In the meantime, you will grieve what is now lost. There are stages to your grief. First, denial, then anger, another is bargaining and finally despair (I know I don't have them all - or in order, but of course, this is all very fluid, and we "slip" from one stage to the next, and back again throughout this process). I can't remember all the stages and what they do to you. Maybe I (or someone?) can find a post explaining the grieving stages, which will help you understand all that is going on in your mind during all this.

Keep posting. We're all here to help.

God Bless,


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