Okay, my XH and I have been getting along better than usual lately. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe he's less bitter, whatever. X-MIL has been quite pleasant on the phone when I've called about the kids.

Today, at school, my son won a power drill in a drawing. Now, he's 7, he's not going to use a power drill for much. It was won, basically, to be given away by him for a Christmas present.

The interesting part of this story is, I only know he won the drill because he told me after I picked him up from his dad's/grandma's tonight.

Grandma was at his school today, and put it in her trunk and took it home from school.

The drill is already wrapped and under the tree for his dad.

Now, I've been wanting a drill for almost two years, so am I just mad because I would have liked it? Or does this sound wrong to anyone else?

Had to vent. One of those days. The girl decorated herself with black permanent marker at 4:00 am and the day went downhill from there.

<small>[ December 21, 2002, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: ex-Princess Buttercup ]</small>

I can totally relate. I want a drill too. I know H had at least 3... one I gave him last Christmas when I was trying to be nice to him, when I had just had surgery, had to get help from a girlfriend to shop and he was treating me like ****.

But he took them all.... left me a few screw drivers.

Go buy yourself a drill!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I know Lora, I should. He got all the tools, I didn't get so much as a screwdriver or hammer, and I treated myself to a cheap set the first Christmas I was out.

He really needs another drill to add to his collection of tools he doesn't ever use. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just think it was pure BS for her to take the drill to her house. That was theft. Only IMO I'm sure. He is not her child and he does not live with her. She just happened to be at school that day.

Hi expb,
So who made the decision to put the drill under the tree for dad? I can anticipate what the answer is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I don't have kids, so what do I know, but isn't 7 old enough for a kid to make his own decision about gifting? If the decision was taken away from him, that is indeed unfortunate. Take the high road pb. A lot of adults are clumsy gift givers, and you have a great opportunity to talk to son about giving gifts. There's a lot of positives here. A drill is a pretty cool gift for a 7 year old to put under the tree. The important thing in giving gifts is for the giver to take the recipient's wishes and desires into account.

By way of example, if your ex just happens to have a drill or two already, your son might benefit from taking time to consider the motivation behind giving his dad something that he already has. Could be a sticky wicket in your circumstances, as I can envision poor son incurring the wrath of grandma if son and grandma have different ideas on who should receive that gift. Even so, there's still a high road available. You can let him know it's ok to have different ideas than the adults in his life and that it *should* be ok for him to express his own point of view. That's something I didn't learn as a kid, and I too had a grandmother that everyone tiptoed around for fear of incurring her disapproval. I didn't learn about boundaries as a child. I don't know what's age appropriate for a 7 yo, but there's bound to be something that'll turn the situation into a good one.

Ex-Princess: Ask your son whose decision that was. Then if he said it was not his, go over to grandmas, pick up the drill and tell her from now on you decide what your son does. And if you get mad enough, tell the school she can't pick him up either! Since H took all the tools, you're entitled to have some for your own needs around the house. If you don't set boundaries with grandma, she'll cross the line a lot! If she gets mad, oh well. Aren't you already upset? Whose feelings are more important here? Now if son said he wanted to give to his dad, then let it lay. But only if it was his decision and not being coherced by grandma. And maybe if you can't get the drill back, you call up the jerk and tell him to bring one over to you!My daughters ex was so stupid and self centered. And his parents were really evil. So, they don't enjoy seeing the kids at all! Very bad influence on them anyway. The children have us as they're grandparents and we do not interfere with her authority. His parents used to give the granddaughter savings bonds! No gift to open. and then they'd take them back and say they were saving them for when they were graduating. LOL Of course, they'll never see them now. Perhaps you need to examine what type of influence his parents are on your son. Does he benefit more by having her in his life? or not?
How does your son feel about grandma? Well, just an opinion of mine, But I'd march right over, go in, take the drill and walk out. nough said! LouLou

Wow, women sure do dig power tools. My wife bought our drill (a nice cordless number), and she wielded it like John Wayne. She packed it up
when we separated.

I know money is tight for you this year, but those things ain't expensicve at all. I bet post crimmus you could pick one up for 29.99.

Women and power tools. It makes me hot.
I'm sorry.

motherinlaw should have told you about the gift & gave it to you. If your son wanted the gift for dad, it should have went under the son xmas tree for dad not hers. My X left all his power tools. I did keep the drill. his so called friends came to the yard sale asking for the rest of his tools. dont have any trouble with my X-inlaws they changed their phone number so our son couldnt call them. only came over once a yr on our son birthday after X made them. They lived 2 miles away from us. Mommy dearest told me she knew her H had women in his life but you keep it quite in the family. They are mad because I told friends about A. Like father like son both sleeping around while M. X-Grandpa also had A & D dear old grandma. She was passed around the family with no home of her own. I got away from the family from hell.

I feel a little better now. I know there's nothing I can do about it, it's just another little stunt. (LouLou, LOL, you should read up on my past conflicts with X-MIL, she's a real piece of work!)

So I did nothing. I said nothing. I was soooo polite at son's music program tonight. I sat near XH so our daughter could sit with us both. It was the first time and I could tell he was uneasy. Ignored me entirely, spoke with our daughter very little (mostly to scold her). X-MIL chatted politely before the program and a little bit after.

Son treats me like **** in their presence. Zero regard for my feelings and really defiant. He was mad at me for not letting him go home with Grandma. (School tomorrow, extra time with dad/grandma twice this week already.) He ignores me and will not talk to me or listen when she's around. It is very aggravating. He is normally very nice and responsive when we are out together. Throw her in the mix and he's like a baby who hasn't been weaned.

I saw this Thread and just HAD to post! My ex-wife took nearly every fricking thing I had - all my tools except for one or 2 screwdrivers. I had something like $500 worth of tools, although most of them were 15 years old I took care of what I had. So about a month after our Divorce, I wanted to 'borrow' an adjustable wrench from her because my bicycle (I can't drive so I ride a bike) was falling apart. Well she started screaming at me that if I came on HER property she was having me arrested for trespassing, yadda yadda - basically, 'No you may NOT borrow anything from me.' So fine, I went to the store and bought myself another one. Ha! She never picked up a tool - power or otherwise - in her life. Hope she learns how to use them... hehehehehee.
So anyway, I moved to Texas where things are much cheaper than they are in Alaska.
Bottom line - it only took me about 4 months and I got all brand new tools I bought myself, in much better shape and more of them too! So, let her keep my old raggedy-a$$ stuff I used to have; she's more than welcome to it.
LOL, Harold

I would have a talk with my son and tell him if everytime Grandmas around I am chopped liver, it better stay that way when she leaves. I would not allow defiance in or out of her presence. That was wrong of her to take the drill home. It sounds like either your son wanted to give it to his father or was coerced into it by her. But he is very vulnerable. I think it is good you and your ex are trying to keep the bad feelings from interfering in your relationship with the kids. But his mother sounds like she is undermining. If that is the case, your son will end up feeling very angry and torn. I know that as a mother, his behavior and disregard for you, must hurt your feelings. I would make his visits to Grandma contingent on his sensitivity for my feelings and behavior as respects to how he acts when she is around. If he did not modify his behavior, I would be tempted to keep him away until he understood, that, I am not saying don't love Grandma, but it should not have to be a choice between Grandma and me. Why can't he as a child, be free to love us both?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EazyE:
<strong>Wow, women sure do dig power tools. My wife bought our drill (a nice cordless number), and she wielded it like John Wayne. She packed it up
when we separated.

I know money is tight for you this year, but those things ain't expensicve at all. I bet post crimmus you could pick one up for 29.99.

Women and power tools. It makes me hot.
I'm sorry.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gawd EazyE ... you crack me UP!

p.s. I too own a CORDLESS power drill.

Ex PB,

I think your x-MIL should not have taken the drill. IMVHO, she had no right. And, I understand it's the principal of it all ... she WAS wrong. She should have asked you.

She unilaterally made a decision on behalf of your x-H as his proxy. At least, I think that's her logic, and it's off-base.

You have reason to be P/O'd

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ December 21, 2002, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I have a cordless drill too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I also have screwdrivers, hammers, nails, nuts and bolts..and I couldn't tell you what all..

the only thing ex was really concerned about taking was the grill..LOL...He didn't want any other man cooking on HIS GRILL!! No biggy..I use
the other grill..I like it better anyway...

PB, I know your ex-MIL is a pain in the patuski
and you will always have trouble with her..I imagine she is this way with your son more so than your daughter because HE will carry on the family name..(if he ever has kids) your son is only 7 and wants to please grandma, remember grandma gives him whatever his little heart desires..and you as the mom tell him "NO" ack
how dare you??? and little kids who get their way want to be around those who give it to them..

My son is the same way..he likes spending time with dad because dad gives him whatever he wants..
HAHAHA...ex is finding this is getting a 'tad'
expensive..and just hates it when son gets mad at him if he tells him NO..he even asked me how I handle the screams when son doesn't get what he wants..I said..Son doesn't scream like that when I tell him "NO" --he's used to hearing mom tell him NO!! And he's used to getting popped on the bottom if he does..so he doesn't do it..

I also explained to the kids..the rules in our home are not the same as the rules in dad's home..and when they are here, they abide by these rules..

so you may want to tell son..that just because he acts out like that at grandmas/dad's house doesn't mean he can do that in your home...and neither does he do that in public..when grandma is around or not..or there will be consequences like a pop on the bottom--

Take your son out..and let him buy you a drill for christmas...give him the money..and let him pick it out..