I've been married for 2 1/2 years. I been with my wife for about 7 years. We lived together for 3 years before getting married. I'm 25 and she is 24.

My wife moved out on 11/15. She didn't tell me about it before she did it. I just came home from work that friday and she told me and left.

I setup counceling. The first session I thought was good. She talked about some issues that we had. Nothing "BIG" - her words -, just a lot of small things. She said I didn't listen well and that I didn't respect her space. That I was messy. She said she didn't trust me. She wanted her space.

Working on gaining the trust we the first step our councelor suggested. I of course wanted to continue seeing her as much as possible. We agreed to have a telephone contact that week. We talked smoothly for about 1 1/2 before work on day. She had agreed to meet with me on thanksgiving. The next Friday I called her and asked her if should would like to see a movie. He first response was when - I said tonight - and then she said we aren't doing that YET and that she already had plans with one of her girlfriends.

Two days later I called her to see if she had the cord for my electric razor. She became annoyed with me said she didn't think she had it, but would look for it (she returned it to me a few weeks later).

The next day in counceling it was all about why I call her when I agreed to. She then wasn't sure if she wanted to get together on Thanksgiving. When I let her know she didn't have to she said we could.

We went to an early breakfast. Did did a run walk. I thought we had a good time. She even gave me a little peck kiss once during the walk after I rubbed her shoulders and once when we were leaving. The next time in counceling she had a private session right before our session. (different councelor) She said that she had a 4 panic attacks while on the walk. She said she had made the right decision and wanted to have one more session when the emotion was out of it to obtain closure.

I called her two days later and told her how I feel about her to and asked her to come back to counceling. She said she wished that I had told her these things a year before. [ which is odd b/c we had our marriage blessed by the church in march of this year - something that I thought we both enjoyed ] But she agreed to come back to counceling but with out promises and to work on our friendship.

So we went and setup some ground rules about going to counceling once a week and having a friendly outing. And going to church together.
So I called her on Saturday and we setup the meeting. We talked and at somepoint she said she wanted to hug me. And that she was hugging the phone. I said she could give me a hug. That we could go get ice cream. We did. We ate ice cream and walked. After that I asked her to sit on the bench with me. She said why don't we goto a park. We did. On the way she kept having me quiz her on college football team name and mascots. (she didn't want anything todo with football too long ago.. but she start participating in the football pool at work and was learning all about it ) Once there she kept telling one joke after the other and I got upset. I said fine I got the message. And we left shortly after that. When I dropped her off at the car she asked if I still wanted to meet the next day. I did and so we did.

I made her breakfast the next day when she came over. We went to church and went xmas shopping. We went to eat late lunch / early dinner at a place she'd never been to. We were supposed to go ice skating afterwards [ her idea ]. But we were running a little late and she was planning to go to a christmas party for the dance studio she goes to. She gave me a hug and a thanks for everything comment and she left.

The next day [this monday ] she started a federal law enforcement job that she had applied to two years ago. I called her to see how her day went. We talked for a good while and when she said she talked about her having todo her 4months of training out of state. I asked if I could visit her. She said that it wasn't allowed. (previously we looked into this and there was one day a week that they had for their own purposes-she said that they didn't say anything about that) I asked her to not forget about me. It got quiet. Sometime during the conversation she said she would have to be married to the job. Due the the demands of her entry level position.

Yesterday we have a session. She called to say she got off work late and would try to make it on time. She was a little late. We talked about the weekend and how sunday was better than saturday. How it was nice of me to wish her well on monday and call her about how her first day went. But she said that her feelings haven't changed and that her new job has made them stronger. We were in the middle of discussing this when our concelor had to stop us b/c we were out of time and he had another appointment waiting. I asked if we could goto dinner. She said she was tired and cranky but we could go somewhere quick. We got to the parking lot and my emotions got the best of me and she decided to drive me back to my car. I didn't stop there and at some point I asked her wanted she needed me todo and she said leave her alone. We were stopped at a stop light and I got out of the car. She left. After a little while I calmed down and called her cell phone. On the 3rd call she answered and agreed to come pick me up. But she was already on the freeway and it would be awhile. She dropped me off at my car and left. I was still upset. She said she would call me on Sunday. I said ok. That she needed to be the one to initiate things.

She had asked me to marry her. I initially said that we were too young. She took that to mean that I didn't want to marry her. She broke it off between us. I didn't want this at all. So we worked it out and decided to get married. She says she didn't feel that she was my equal in our marriage. She says that it was over for her a long time ago. That she wants her independance from me and her name back. [ She actually wanted to change it to her mom's maiden name b/c she is closer to that side of her family -- her parents are divoced ]

But I'm stuck. What can I do ? She says she very much wants me in her life. I want to have her in my life. But I also don't want to call our marriage quits. I've been thinking that all I can do is nothing. She has to want to come back. To sort things out. I'm just worried that her having to undergo her training is putting an artificial deadline on things. She says she isn't seeing anyone else and that she isn't looking. She won't invite me to her apartment. She says she wasn't happy. That she knew we made a mistake 6mo into the marriage. That she doesn't want to married. That she didn't like herself when she was around me. She says she loves me, but I feel that she doesn't love herself. I don't want to make her or myself suffer. I want
her to be happy. I want us to be back together.

What should I do ? Its obvious that what I've been doing isn't working. We have a 60 day waiting period for divorce. And she should be in training out of state when it expires. Should I file to release the pressure that is on her? and let her decide when she comes back ? She I just tell her that I've contacted a lawyer about getting a divorce ? I think that I should tell her my feelings for her. That I don't want a D, but to start the process going so that she has to actually face it. But letting her know its in her hands. And for me to not initiate any contact during that time period.

Or perhaps not having contact initiated by me. Setting a date upon which I will file. Fileing if she doesn't ask me to stop and letting her have her extendeded period to think about it.

???? THOUGHTS ????

ALS, Sounds to me like you need to give her a little space. She's confused and you persuing her is putting pressure on...something that can/will backfire on you. Listen, she knows how you feel about her right? If so, let it be. Kindly let her know that you want to do your part to make thing in the M work. She's got to want it (the M)as well. If you could just step back, improve yourself by being you, the person she fell in love with to begin with, and employ the concepts on the site you will eventually see changes. If for no other reason, you WILL be a better you, either for her or someone else. Above all, remember to let God work his will. Sometimes we have to let go to show our love.