H called today while I was out and told my son he would be over to change the oil in his car. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

When I got home he was here, changing his oil and I marched right up to him and told him next time he had to change the oil at his mothers house.

He said "what is the problem?"

I said "You can not pick and choose what you want from this home. You left and deserted us, you no longer live here, you dont get to change the oil here, I took enough abuse and I dont want you here"

Then he turned the statement his way, said something to the effect that "what, looking at me is abuse??? I wouldnt say that, only you would say that. implying that I was being verbally abusive to him. What a way to change things around. then he laughed and said something to the effect that I couldnt keep him away so I said ask you lawyer about it. He said when is that going to happen, I think he thinks that Im BSing, that I havent gone through with it.

Waiting for the papers to be served so I can change the locks.

He walked in the other day without an invitation. D was sleeping as she didnt feel good and had to go into work later, he woke her up and also brought in the mail and went through it so I dont know if he took anything. His brother called me last nite and asked if we got the Christmas cards he sent us. There was money in all of them for the 4 kids and for me. H would be furious if he found out his bro sent me money. Well, I havent gotten the cards yer. BIL thought I should have gotten them already.

So anyway, when he was done changing oil he comes over to talk to 20yo son and me. We were putting up new mailbox as someone slid into it during snow storm. Both my son and I are quite handy (you have to learn alot in an alcoholic household as you end up covering for the addict)

Anyway, he Q's where we got the money for it(guy who hit it brought money) I figured I had to answer him as I didnt want him to think I spent bill money on it, even though either way we needed the new box. then he starts telling us how we should do project, so then I just shut down, telling me after son and I put up 2400 feet of picket fence with 3 gates this spring, put tile in bathroom and kitchen and installed new toilet. I cant figure out how to put one mailbox post in ground.

I just told him the Chris and I could handle it, and then said not another word. He said I didnt have to be vicious!!! Pretended he wasnt there.

Kept trying to engage us in conversation. Asked my son to join him and 3 other kids for pizza tomorrow nite (other 3 kids never even told him they were going) and then even invited me, still I pretended he wasnt there.

He asked me how my work party was and asked if he could come over and spend Christmas morning with us. I didnt answer so he said "think about it and let me know"

Why should he come and enjoy any of the family activities he so willingly gave up. My Christmas tree is beautiful, but it was great difficulty for me that I got it up as was all the other thing associated with this holiday, thanksgiving and our anniversary the other day. His mother has no tree and has the house dark all the time. He wants the benefits of me and the family after he abused me and left us for drugs, alcohol OW.

let him look at her Christmas tree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sunrise I'm so proud of you.

Dawn,

Your are awesome!!!!! You go!!!! You don't need him as much as he seems to need you at this time!!!! Funny how things turn around that way!!!!

Take care, I bet as a florist your tree is gorgeous!!!! That is all that we have up this year and I will admit that it is not one of best. xH didn't make any comments about the decorations not being up in the house. Let his new wife decorate for him!!! UGH!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I dont feel so awsome inside. But Im not going to let him see me cry again so I was tough yesterday.

Today, in private I am crying again. Tough day, nothing specific just had to get a couple of last minute stocking stuffs and broke down in tears again when I left store.

I know what an addict is and does, I have even done a couple of term papers on the biology of addiction but in my heart I still cant believe that this has happened to us and devastated us so much. How can I ever heal and start over. It hurts so bad and when I see him I cant even look at him and he wants to come spend Christmas with us????

He told my D that God didnt want him to be unhappy. Well, is he better than GOD???? Im sure God is not happy with what he has done. 4 kids and me are not happy, I know OW's H is not happy and I know her parents are not happy with the situation. Im sure her 5YO D is not happy leaving her home and father to live in apt in drug infested area being shuttled 60 miles EVERY DAY (OW moved 30 miles from job, right around corner from me. her H still lives near her job)
Im sure her 15YO brother is not enjoying all the tension in parents home and not to mention the other host of her family who cant believe that she has done this.

And lets talk about my childrens future spouses. My D is already having problems with her wonderful boyfriend because she has been so upset and moody, she hasnt told him all that is going on and she has already told me that she doesnt think she ever wants to get married and my 22 YO son also pretty much said the same thing. They see me as having done all I could to make the marriage work and still I got destroyed by a selfish jerk. they dont want the same thing to happen to them.

Oh yeah, and my D was so unhappy and afraid that H was going to stop paying the bills and we would lose the house that she got caught shoplifting a necklace when she had the money in her pocket. She said when I picked her up at police station "I thought we might need all the money we have for bills"

BUT.....thats all OK as long as husband is happy. Dont you agree?

Sunrise, sometimes I think you must be reading my life!!!
quote:
He told my D that God didn't want him to be unhappy.
My H told my oldest daughter the same thing. He told me many times the kids are grown or almost grown now and have their own lives, so what happens to us won't affect them very much....HA!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
My beautiful oldest daughter has been married for two months to a wonderful young man...she is a pastor in the Wesleyan church...she will soon be pursuing her masters in Christian Family and Marriage Counseling....she is on anti-depressants.
Got cc'ed on a copy of my middle daughter's email to her boyfriend...in which she refers to her father as a "pathological liar"...writes poetry for her English classes that refer to her father and betrayal...she is due to graduate in August with a BA in English, but her grades are slipping and last night she told me she "hates" her father.
Youngest daughter breaks down in tears at the slightest little thing....doesn't want to spend the night over her Dad's new apartment...has caught him in several lies...will be moving with me to a new place and new high school...alternates between extreme anger and somewhat contented state.
Nope, this hasn't affected anyone else....just me, and I really do not matter.
But he's happy.....
Just know that you are far from alone in the hurt, frustration and anger that you feel. I think of you often as I know our circumstances have a common thread. Will keep praying.

broken..H said same thing to me "kids are grown now and this wont affect them. They dont need "us" anymore"

D flipped out little while ago. H sent in Christmas presents from M-I-L (of course for kids, but none for me...thats OK, I still bought her something) D said one more thing screwed up because of H. She packed up presents back in bag and is planning to take them to MIL's tomorrow to open at her house and exchange her and bro's gifts together.

D& youngest did go to pizza tonite and D said H was scratching up a storm again. Sure sign of pain killer use. We know him like a book. His MD called here yesterday to verify appt for yesterday. I said H doesnt live here but wondered why he needed to go to MD, guess thats why...pain killers.

I knew it wouldnt be too long and he was gaing so much weight. I also cant remember very many Christmases in 26 years that he didnt have painkillers. That goes with the holiday for him. He never did like Christmas (maybe it has something to do with demons that have him under control <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) so why does he want to come here and ruin it for all.

Told kids that he was pissed cause he asked yesterday if he could come for Christmas and of course I said "NO" actually, I just didnt even answer him as I went on installing mailbox post as if he wasnt even there.

BIL also told me other nite thaqt H took OW to meet my MIL and according to him, MIL is pissed at son and told him he should be home with his family. She claimed she was very quiet, alot like me. Great..someone else for him to abuse and control. May her Christmas gift be tears every nite for the rest of her life. That was mean, but I already told you I was having a bad day.

sorry