ok like I have said i havent posted in a very long time, but I am in big need of help here.

ok I'll try to make a long story short...

my son who is 9 is still havin trouble with the idea of me and his dad not being together anymore (we have not been since aug of 99), and like any child in that place does not like his dads girlfriend that he openly left us for...well at one point and time they sent birthday gifts from him and her..both names were on the tag, my son seen her name and didnt want the gift. So i talked to my ex about it and he agreed not to do that again, well he is over seas in the air force right now but before he left he sent the kid's x-mas gifts out..knowing I couldnt do anything for them this year he said he would make up for it. well i get the box today and open it and my son was helping me put them up and seen her name on the tag along with his dads, and now he is very upset, I have him in counsling he has been for a while now, but i'm at a loss as what to do, i cant talk to his father about it cuz like I said he is over seas and it really makes me angry cuz it was either him breaking a deal with his son or a stab at me that I cant do anything but him and her can. the school had santa there friday to take photos with the kids and when my sons teacher called me in tears cause all he ask santa for was a happy unbroken family, I was in tears and now once again I'm hurtin cuz he is and of course we all know this is not somthin a mommy can kiss away but i want to try to do something to help him out with this...any ideas?
Thanks in advance
Lesa

I have the same problem with 13yr old son. X is engaged to the person he was having A with. X was hiding engagement because he knows his son hates this woman. We found out from her X & kids. X thinks he can bulley our son into accepting OW. It backfired on him. Our son turned the hate he had for OW towards his dad. Son will not speak or see dad anymore. They dont think what damage they are doing to their children. Children dont just grow out of it & accept the person who ruined their lives. Our son will be in counsiling for the rest of his life because of his dad. The last words out of X mouth was one day son will know the truth. X is now believing his lies about no A. The new story is both X & MOW were just friends after getting caught down dirt road in police car, fell in love after both D. Please Im not stupid & neither is my child. X forgot he told his son himself why he was leaving mom. Stupid enough to tell son all about MOW. X said it wasnt A just oral sex. Our D papers says our M was broken up because of X personal relationship with a M nurse. You cannot change your X or the way your child feels about dad & his girlfriends. The more I tried to help son talk with dad the more angry our son showed towards me. Dr. finially told me its up to dad to fix the damage. Sad thing is everytime X opens his mouth it makes it worst. Dr. also said dad needs to let son meet this woman. Im afraid when that happens our son will hurt this woman.

m-almost 18yrs
c-13,29,8gd
d-5-02
me-48, x-43

ow-32
c-3 under 11
d-7-02
m-10yrs

yes I know all about the "meeting" of the OW my x had not seen our children in 2 years and when he did come see them he had ow with him and made the kids spend every min they were with him with her...needless to say my son told her point blank she was good for nothing more than a punching bag, so he does not bring her when he comes and sees the kids but still tries to make him accept her, and of course I am getting the blame for " putting all of this on our sons head" when actually i have never even spoke about her but to tell him it was his choice to like her or not and no one could or should try to make it for him...who knows maybe when my son gets older and has been hurt enough he will tell his father with out worring about making him mad or hurting him just what he is doing to his lil heart, for his own good I hope he does...any way thank you myfamily for posting a reply to me I am so glad i am not the only one that has this prob, thank you sweetie i hope you and your family have a very happy holiday season, best wishes to you and yours.

Lesa

<small>[ December 23, 2002, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: LMS ]</small>

Hey Lesa!!

How have you been?? I know exactly how you feel about what your son is going thru. My kids go thru the same thing whenever their dad manages to remember that he has 3 sons. And it just breaks your heart because you can't do anything to make them feel better.

Your kids were somewhat lucky. At least they got something from their dad. Bob didn't bother even calling the kids today. He did send them Christmas cards. Whoopie!!! At least he acknowledged that they exist. At least they have Terry. He's been more of a father to them in 13 months than Bob's been in 13 years.

Anyway, hope you guys have a great Christmas!!

Love ya,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hey mitzi!!!!!!!

I'm doin good girl, just dealin with the SOS ever day it seems lol, what i did with the gifts was a lil under handed but it made Raymond feel so much better. I took off all the tags and told him they were just from his dad, I'm so sick of him breaking promises and tryin to force her down raymonds throat when he promised to let him go at things at his own speed, Raymond is gettin tired of it as well, he ask me just the other day "I know dad has done alot of stuff to hurt me but why do i still love him" I told him he does that cuz he has a good heart and he is going to go thru some more things and hopefuly he can still feel the same way when he is older about it all, cuz deep down i know his daddy dont mean to hurt him but his brain is just short wired at the moment. lol then I went and wrote myself a long letter venting at myself for feeding him a line of bull and that his dad dont seem to care what he does to them to get rid of the guilt for "streachin" things for him to feel better... but I guess if it made him feel better at the time it was worth bein angry with myself for a while....the things us mommas do to fix the lil ones broken hearts huh...well I was sonwed in at moms for 3 days and about went nuts, but other than that x-mas seems to of went well...now I have to finish movin before the first in 2 damn feet of snow..lol...but I hope u 4 had a great day and take care I miss talkin to u girl....love ya.
Lesa