Been awhile since I posted, just need to get some thoughts out. Getting closer to ending another chapter in my life. Final will be on 1-23-03. It amazes me how a person seems to become possed when they leave,file for divorce and live their new fantasy life.
The closer it gets to the divorce day the more insane personalities I see. No lawyers involved, dislosures and agreement ready for the judge. Just a matter of time now.
Been a trying time for me and my family during this. First the seperation, then my oldest brother dies from cancer, and on Thanksgiving I find out my Mom has bone cancer.
I learned how to pray more than I ever have in my life and I continue to ask God for guidance.
They say it comes in 3's
I started going to a seperation/divorce group once a week. Great group of people and are they helpful. It took me almost a year to get over WW and I still have to work hard on the resentment for I do'nt need to be controlled by something I cannot change.
It becomes so clear when you realize you dont need people in your life to make you happy, Thats up to you and you alone.
I wanted to thank Alan Arthur on this post for the "How to stop the divorce" book.
When I read it I knew there was no reconciliation to look for but it helped me with what I can do in the future.
Happy Holidays and hope next year is better for those of you still suffering.

Nitehawk,

I don't know your situation in-depth, but it appears you're holding up quite well with the losses you've dealt with.

Happy holidays and may the new year bring you peace, joy and happiness!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nitehawk:
<strong>It becomes so clear when you realize you dont need people in your life to make you happy, Thats up to you and you alone.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">before the end began with me and my STBX she was always asking me if i was "happy"....i would always say that happiness is overrated and i'm busy trying to accomplish something(raising a family)....little did i know she was already having the A....i tried to explain to her in MC that happiness is not something i could give to her, if she was unhappy with some things about me we could look at those things and try to come up with some resolution....14 months of MC results in her being PG, while i had been fixed for two years already...she lost that one and we worked(or i did) on keeping our marriage...around that time i came here....she stopped being interested in saving our M and became fully involved in PA with OM...i asked her recently if she was happy...she said yes...i can't see it though...i am happier than when we were together, but i'd almost trade back for the misery just to keep my kids from going through this crap....she's PG again and her and OM are living in a nice little house with my four DC....i'm lucky enough my brother opened his door to me and i have a place to stay...lost my job in september cuz i stopped doing the right things through all this....divorce will be final ??/??/??.....so far so fast....prayer is all that hepls me with everything....christmas is probably harder for us all....don't dwell on the neg.....cherish the small moments of joy that we all get this year and let all the small **** go....besides, it's all small ****.

i pray for both of them to be happy and that they have all they desire in this world.

i know she isn't happy cuz she did't want more than 2 children, and we had 4 together, now she gets a 5th....happy scmappy....i'm to busy loving life to ask such rhetorical nonsense....am i happy? depends on what your exact definition of what happy is. i believe i am happy but i am still seeking in this world...when i feel that iv'e gotten to where i want to be, i'll reflect on whether or not i am happy at that time..or am i confusing happiness for satisfaction???i'm happy yet not satisfied so i'll continue to try harder and harder...make any sense to anyone????

Faust2112, Man I don't know how long it has been for you and I am just a normal JOE that my STBXW has provided me with the ability to read enough books to have a degree in marriage counseling (LOL). I once told her during this "THANK YOU". That was for giving me time to see how much love I could give to myself and my daughter. Not taking things for granted while she was here and I could do what I always did. MAJOR LB"S. Now I have the opportunity to fail or build from the bottem up. I would rather be down than be up and have it go down again.
Dont give up on anything in life to make you happy. Its there and your soul knows it. Merry holidays(It is within}.

don't know how long what has been????
i was evicted from our home in may, D is still in the works and games are still afoot whenever she feels the need to aggravate me. as for reading i have only read a little of the bible and a few horror fiction novels during this time. moreover, what i have chosen is to share with other divorcees in normal conversation. express myself and try to listen to their perspective on what happened with their situations. not going back to therapy because i feel i can resolve my feelings witht the help of the Lord and a few of the people he has put in my life. through Him all things are possible. not trying to sound like a zealot here but my faith is high and i know He has helped more than any other source i have found. my prayers go out to all who come here and have this pain in their life. hoping everyone can find some gratitude during this holiday season. i'm just happy i was able to get a little something for my kids and we'll be spending Xmas Eve together.

I am very thankful to her for all the things we shared together the time we were together. I am also thankful she filed, I am now free to pursue whatever i feel i need without being questioned by anyone. besides i would have gone insane if i had to live with her while she continued to flaunt her new relationship in my face and around her work. would have preferred to try and work it out but it wouldn't have been good for me, i see that now. i did go insane for a good three months anyway because of the whole situation and my subsequent drug use to numb myself...old habits....
also very thankful that the self abuse is over now. time for more growth!!!
as far as LBs go, i did plenty, enough so i'm fairly sure i need not fear reconcilliation, ever. not so much anymore, takes up too much enrgy, but in the beginning of the end. i really don't care about LBing, she made the bed, now she's sleeping with someone else in it. the love i gave her was not given back, nor was the betrayal she bestowed upon me. why should i try to make it any easier on her? she chose this path, not me. i'm doing my best to try and get over her and work on the resentment that i have, and not feed any more hatred to that burning desire to let the resentment grow and fester. if i'm too wrapped up in my own crap to be careful about whether or not i'm LBing at this point, then so what? she'll never get it anyway. 14 months of MC and all she could see was that i talked too much and not everyone had issues. OK, that's why she couldn't kiss me after 3 years of being my wife but has no problem swapping spit with another man after 7 years. if i was abused sexually by my uncle when i was 15, i sure as hell would expect to have issues. not be all cool with spending "quality holiday time" with the [censored]. not want to babysit for him so he could go to work. i wouldn't want anything to do with him, unless of course there was some sort of amends made and trust restored(which never happened).

we all have issues, whether they are as mundane as not liking to eat from the drive-thru cuz you can't trust high school kids getting paid minimum wage, or as complex as the physical abuse suffered by Sybil. i certainly didn't use therapy to my advantage every time i had good quality psychiatrists working to help me through rough spots in my life(rehabs when younger and whatnot), so how can i blame her for not opening up completely when it was only our marriage at risk? besides she wanted out for like three years.

her loss, time for me now and when i'm ready i'll find love again if i desire it. the love of my children is enough for me to survive the rest of what this world has to offer me.
the future's uncertain and the end is always near. let it roll, baby roll!

Hi - been wondering how you have been doing.

Sorry to hear about your Mom and your brother. My father died in 2000 and that was rough. At the time I had suspected what WH was up to but got distracted with what was going on.

Do you still go to meetings? Resentments can kill us literally.

D.