Thank you,
I don't do it with anything that everyone else doesn't have available to them. Maybe it is just that I have a bigger mouth {faster fingers}than other people.
I post from my heart, wishing that things could have happened differently for my family, and thinking alot about how I dealt with things and how I would have done differently or wished that she had done differently.
I guess one thing that I have been able to do is to separate my emotions from what I do. That is good and bad. Because the good is that I can look at a situation and see how what I do will effect the outcome, regardless of the pain that I feel. But it is bad, because it allowed me to disregard the feelings I had while working too much. I disregarded the pain and hate for my other jobs, because I thought that I was doing what my family needed me to do. To be a provider, and so I had to just push the tiredness, sickness, and anger away and do what I was capable of. Had I been less able to see the long haul, I might have been more likely to look at what I was doing to myself, and look at what that, in turn, was doing to my relationship. I thought because I was so willing to sacrifice, that my wife was willing as well.
However, that was not the case.
I post according to my heart. But I use my head to see past the emotions that are there, and try to look at the future and the ramifications that anything I say will have.
I have nothing other than me to utilize. Although I have degrees, they never taught us about this type of thing. I just hold to the fact that my feelings are less important than my boys. My boys are everything, and everything that I do MUST be for their benefit. It makes my life so simple. And it also allows my feelings to heal in a very positive way. Because I don't allow myself the 'comfort' of going off to relieve my emotions. I find other avenues, and it allows me to have the best relationship with my ex that is possible, while still staying within myself. I do everything for my boys. Without them in the picture, I would never see nor speak to my ex again.
I thank you for the post. But I am nothing but a man who lost his dreams and the woman that he wanted to share them with. But I am a man who has found that although my original dreams are no more. That I still have the ability to dream, and they are beginning to come to me, just with a different cast of characters and locations.
