Well I'm about to finally leave my wife and family and while I'm ready to go, there's still some doubt as to whether it's a good or bad move.

Living in my W's shadow for way too long. I made the mistake of leaving everything behind to join her life. Even made the mistake of moving so close to her family. I've been completely smothered emotionally and have had no say in matters that concern our marriage and 2 children.

If I'm not happy, it's my fault and I must learn to live with it. Well, I can't be held down like this any longer. Freedom is what I yearn for. Freedom from the emotional roller coaster that goes along with being married to my W and her family.

That's exactly what it's been for too long. All about her and her wonderful family. Well, they can keep her.

I know my kids will hurt and I die just thinking about that. But i simply cannot go on in this relationship like this. We all have thoughts and feelings but mine are not important.

God help us all. Have a safe and Merry Christmas to all

Hurting --

Your post is immensely disturbing to me. I feel your pain and frustration but I also feel some indecision, some second thoughts about your choice to leave your home. I know you've given this a lot of thought, mixed with much anguish and many alternatives, so you must really be at the end of your rope with it.

I would ask you to reconsider. I would ask that you reel-in some of that rope and pay it out again but more slowly and deliberately this time, with a different goal in mind. I would ask you to put your children first, before you, so that their family may remain intact. I would point out the holiday time and that additional stress on everyone.

Hurting: once you leave, the damage is done, the scars are set and permanent, the family is crippled. That never can be undone or retracted. Even if you were at some point to return, your children would always live in fear that Daddy will leave us again. You couldn't have picked a worse time of the year to go.

We are strangers and owe each other nothing. I offer these considerations to you as one MB'er to another. I know you've reached a breaking point, that you don't see any other way to handle this or to react. Part of your indecision stems from your innate goodness as a husband and a father, and that's a very immense signifier here--listen to that voice. I'm tremendously pro-marriage and pro-family and would do anything to preserve both for a fellow-sufferer.

Please accept my post in the spirit in which it is given. I wish you peace on your journey and in your life.

Ammon

Hurting,

I made a similar decision about 6 or 7 months ago, and I am always wondering if I did the right thing. I have children too, and I agonized over the decision for several months.

Family is very important to me, and I even contined to go through marriage and family counseling after the separation. My WW still wants to reconcile to this day, as she immediately wanted to reconcile the day I left. However, I left after finding out about OM #3. I left the door open to reconciliation for several months after leaving before finally deciding that divorce was the best way to go. It's a shame, but I can't trust her anymore.

I have tried to be as good of a father to my kids over the months, and I would recommend that you do the same if you decide to go that route. I read a book called "The Divorced Dad's Survival Guide" which helped a lot.

Looking back on the years, I realized that I didn't think a lot of things through when I met my wife. I made a lot of life-changing decisions too quickly, and then I had kids. I feel that my kids are now paying for my mistakes when I was younger.