I am alone as my family is in TN/A L/MS. Just me here in GA. Less than 3 miles away is Stbx. He has his entire fa mily over for Christmas.
At noon, he came over to get son. Son had a wonderful Christmas Eve here with me and we baked cookies for Santa, read books by the tree at night and had a wonderful evening despite his runny nose. He was a joy.
At noon Deucey came over. I thought he'd be alone. But no, he is with his newly single and swingin' divorcee of an Aunt. Here they are smiling and all hugs saying a biggie "Merry Christmas" to me. I wanted to puke. She looked around my home and they talked about how good my tree looked. And small talk. He did that so I had to let him in the door. I was my usual ladylike self. But I am sure he knew how awkward I felt. I wanted to scream and run. Didn't want to see Deucey at all, since the last three Christmases have had within a week of the time a D Day so I wanted peace. And he hands me a Victoria's Secret bag from his parents. More bath gel and lotion. And this year on the tag instead a "mom and dad" as the givers, it just says their names. Oh well, not sure if that was a slur of sorts but I am going to definitely be using my nighties I bought myself from Victoria's Secret when I have my divorce party.
How could he do that to me today? Bring in his Aunt and force me to be happy in front of them? When is enough enough? What purpose does that serve by showing off how good I am doing or how good I look or seem? Makes them all feel better knowing this awful cheater and liar and abuser of a man is ok and that I must be ok too.
He walked back in the house after I shut the door. I had walked into another room. He comes in and says "you know you can call son at any time ok?" > I said thanks. I did not face him alone nor did I want to see him.
This day has proven to be way to much for me right now. I am just now getting it together as I was crying for the last thirty minutes.
However, I have to be really thankful. I started my life over last January. I left a man who cheated on me and lied worse than Bill clinton ever could. Huge Lies. Mental abuse and whenever a D day would occur and he'd get found out, sometimes even physical abuse as well (pushed down stairs). No remorse from him and so many indignities over the year I have lost count. I am a great mom. I have a good job. Was even elected state pres. of my med. society. And yet I have kept praying for this man. I know that we are going to be divorced soon but I still pray for him. I also pray son and I keep moving forward. Still there is that one percent of my soul that prays stbx will repent and find God. For if he saw his own actions reflected in the actions of someone else, he would be horrified.
God has been good to us. We have had things be tight, but we've managed to get by. I am learning how to love myself and be happy being single. I know that I won't be alone for long, I just made this vow is all.
Does it ever get better, I mean that one percent of hope ever leave? I am just so hurt I guess from being betrayed and denied.
IF that family could be on a reality show. There would be the overeater sister who cheated on her husband via internet, the serial cheater and liar, Deucey, who worships all made of gold or silicon, the parents (dad being a serial liar and cheater and mom being a total enabler and passive aggressive betrayed spouse with no spine) and the single aunt who labeled her x H as a loser and a nobody. They are all having dinner with my child today. What a family. There probably is a huge foggy cloud hovering above that house. I would love to have a penny for every lie or justification or excuse that is used today as rationale for Deucey's decision for adultery, lies, divorce, and abuse. And they say I was the one who needed a counselor? lol...
What a twisted family Christmas it must be. I am going to just sit here and relax. In my jammies too (Victoria's secret ones and cute and what I opened the coor wearing. Hope he got a good look at what he can't have anymore) and will stay all day. I will watch good movies, Christmas movies. And open a bottle of very good Chardonnay tonight and have a bubble bath. I will clean up and wash clothes and thank the Lord that I don't have to myself make any more excuses for my soon to be former in laws. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
