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<small>[ March 20, 2003, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]</small>

What triggered me was when my WH brought his As into th back yard (so to speak). Up until last year my WH was having cyber/phone sex and EAs via email. I was handling that pretty good. He did fly out-of-state for 2 days 2 years ago, but I never knew it was for a woman he'd met on the net (I suspected, but he adamently denied).

Last year my WH had a PA with a coworker of his who he knew I already disliked intensely (I always knew she was after him, but he "didn't see it").

Anyway, that broke me and I asked him to move out almost 9 months ago. They still work together, but I can't get over the intense emotions surrounding this in my face PA.

I gave WH divorce papers 2 days ago and I'm hoping to be finalized within the next month.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

An in your face A is very difficult. That's what I had....She calls me and I can't be rude and hang up...We walked down this path together...I need to extricate myself gracefully.

He broke my arm because I got upset and wanted to call her the week before Christmas last year because he told me he was concerned she would call him. I was breaking through the lies.

The broken arm was no accident. He came over to the bed. I was lying in bed with a catheter bag on the side because I had had surgery (including a hysterectomy) 12 days before. He meant to punch my shoulder and just bruise me, but I had put up my hands to protect my face and he punched away my right hand, landing a blow on the ulna just below the joint. Broke it into seven pieces. Needed 3 surgeries and 4 months in a cast.

This Christmas is worse than last. I took the blame for the broken arm because I wouldn't listen when he pleaded with me not to call her.

Now what? He says he is sorry, but I was a terrible wife. How is that for remorse? I said it doesn't matter what I did. I didn't deserve an A or abuse. He could have moved out, he could have gone to counseling, he could have divorced me.

Now what? I don't know. I need to vent and hope there are people who can tell me their stories so I can better understand the breaking point. I'm sure it is different for different people.

I was in the doctor's office in pain and the internist, who was then h's doctor also and had put then x on antidpressants and who knew what was going on, said it was either something like gastric reflux disease or stress. A few months later I was in the offic again and described the variations I sensed in how my heart was beating. I was, in the bad moments, 8 heart beats away from tachycardia. The doctor did an EKG and found nothing wrong. Decided it must be stress. I realized, at that moment, that I was not in control of my life and that I could not continue to live that way. At that point, I got another attorney and I filed - on now x's birthday.

F

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

There came a moment after my H left, that I felt so alone and hurt and broken, I then realized that I have been feeling this way for years. After the initial shock went away, I felt stronger. After I filed for Divorce, I felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my chest. I hurt, but not constantly like before.

I wasn't going to wait anymore, I have been waiting too long, hurting too long and was a fool too long....

Christine

stronger, My H is an alcoholic/addict and a verbal abuser. He had me so emotionally beaten down, that it was hard for me to get my bearings after he left and moved in with MOW who was one of our employees, 2 years ago.

I originally filed for divorce about 6 mos. later after he'd moved back home for about a month, then kicked me and the kids out of the house. I did it more to get a restraining order and reclaim the house than because I really wanted a divorce at that time.

Every time he thought I was serious, he'd try to talk me out of divorcing him. He'd go a few times to MC with me, lie that he wasn't seeing OW when they were living together all along, or beat down my self-esteem until I didn't know what I wanted.

My heart is still unsure, but my head has made up its mind. To maintain my resolve, I cut off all contact with WH about 9 months ago. To keep him away from me and from our jointly owned business, I send him money, so on top of everything else, I've been supporting him and OW for the past two years while neither has worked.

I tell you all this only to show you that others have crazy situations (that also draw a lot of sympathy). Unfortunately, the "craziness" doesn't necessarily make it any easier to leave. In some sick way, it almost seems to strengthen the ties.

You're right that everyone's breaking point is different. Mine didn't happen all at once. I didn't realize at the time that my final ultimatum for him to get sober and end the A was really going to be my final ultimatum. I just never had the urge to go back again and it was then that I really started feeling the grief of my M being over. All I can say is that you'll know when you know.

L

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

stronger,

I wasn't ready to divorce my ex until about 6 months after I found out about the A and he left. My ex was also extremely abusive. I didn't tell anyone about it until the day he left. I was ashamed and embarassed. That's how abuse works. He told me that "no one would want a 30 yr old woman with 3 kids", that I was fat and ugly (I weighed 115 pounds and ain't that bad looking)and I slowly believed him. He was/is also an alcoholic/drug addict. EVERYTHING was my fault.

He left 12/23/99, and in February he stopped visiting with the kids ( I made visits extremely easy for him), and stopped helping me out financially. It took me a few more months, but after almost losing my home and struggling to feed the kids, I filed. I used getting temp. child support as the reason. On the day I filed, I felt so much better. This man obviously didn't care one bit about his sons or he would help out and visit them. I realized that I didn't need that type of person in my life. Our D was final in Nov. 2000. Since then nothing has changed with him. He is in arrears on child support (court ordered support) and only sees the boys a few times a year ( yet lives only 10 minutes away). We've adjusted and life is so much better! The boys now have a step-father who is better to them than he ever was and he's an excellent husband.

Good luck to you!
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

When did I file for divorce?? After stbx took son on a trip with other woman to Disneyworld and lied to me about it. I had stopped the serving of D papers twice.

I can relate to the arm thing and Christmas. Last year shortly before son and I fled back home, another D day came and stbx pushed me down onto a hard tile floor in front of son who was screaming. Landed on my wrist. Then as I was leaving (I am in healthcare and cardiology is my area) and felt my head become extremely light and my chest pounding. Plus I could barely use my right hand and wrist. Drove myself to ER. Had tachycardia (when not prolonged btw is not too terribly bad and is in our cases probably due to extreme mental or physical stress) and my bp was systolic over 200. They also x rayed my wrist and arm and said it was severaly sprained. TRhey asked me to file spousal abuse charges but dumb ole me did not. I still thought I could "save him". Wrongo. He to this day denies he ever hit me or pushed me. He is so lost. When I got home, my bro in law, who's a surgeon, slipped me in the back door of the regional med center and thoroughly examined my arm for himself. He said he thought I had maybe a hairline fracture and placed me in a brace. Couldn't use my hand for almost three weeks.

So adultery and abuse in the end along with a total disrespect for my family was the straw that broke this camel's back. So many of the WS's are filled with rage t hat they can become dangerous. I never realized how close to the edge I had come until I was there. Then it was clear that I had to do what was best for my son and I. Sure it hurts b/c I kept thinking he would change. So far he's gotten worse. New girlfriend (old one dumped him this summer AND NO REMORSE.

I was so ashamed because I am an educated and smart woman. Never wanted anyone to know that this kind of thing happened in my family. That keeps so many women from doing the right thing. God understands when this happens. The Bible addresses it and we are ok for having to leave these kind of men. And this also happens to men too...Know of one case where the wife was abusive now. Slapped her H repeatedly on different occasions when her way was not obtained for whatever reason. They have only been married one year and considering divorce (him).

God bless you friends. What is so sad to me is our differences are so similar.