How did the Holiday's go? did your H come get the kids? how did son respond? did he bring clickty clack?

Jacky,
Many prayers went out to you and the kids...Want to know how you are doing?

Hope all is well and that you are being the strong and beautiful woman we know and love..Keep your chin up high and know we are praying for you guys down under...

Merry Christmas and our love! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi ThornedRose and np,

The holidays have had their ups and downs. The kids spent a day alone with their dad, and the next day OW was there for the most part. The following day Sam refused to go out with them, and vstbx said that was okay. He has actually been very good at not forcing the kids to go.

Then we had a lovely Christmas with my family while he and OW went to his. Big lies from inlaws - they said that he and OW would not be staying at their house, but they did. Well blood is treacle thick I suppose.

So on Dec 26th he was to come and pick up the children for the time away, but only youngest would go. She is five. We had some very unpleasant words that day, but I just can't be bothered going into it. He was saying goodbye with tears in his eyes, but hey, he caused his own misery.

I just got youngest back yesterday and she has been very quiet about the time away. I know she ended up staying at some accomodation with him and OW instead of just her staying at grandparents....another thing he said he would not do.

I have had the misfortune to have OW sitting in the car while he is in here getting kids etc, and I had specifically written him about this kind of thing and asked that he not bring her near me. He warm-heartedly agreed and even went so far as to say they had already discussed this. However, for whatever reason, she was there every time. Big statement from them both there - too bad for me.

Yesterday when we met to collect youngest, there was OW again in the car, and if I didn't think she had been making some sort of statement to me about how things are, I sure do now. She was done up to the nines, and instead of staying in the car as she had before, she got out so I could see her slinky little red (symbolic colour there)dress and coiffured hair, all done for the benefit of a family bbq they had that day (which are always casual, but she looked like she was going to a five star restaurant)...and also to get me riled, feel unattractive etc etc.

HE was pleasant and courteous, but he won't see the kids now until Jan 1, and then I think the 3rd and 5th. Then he leaves Melbourne on the 6th - the day our divorce is final. Last year when he came alone he saw them every day he could.

My reactions and emotions regarding him and OW totally took me offguard, since this has been going on so long now. But I think I worked out why....they don't live here and I, with the help of Plan B and distance have not been facing this as I thought I was. The distance and no contact insulated me from the pain, and I believe that it has impeded my progress forward. So I am, (since I will be officially divorced in a week anyway), dropping all Plan B, and I am going to have phone contact with him...ie: I just won't avoid it anymore. YES, it is painful to talk to him and see him, but NOT doing it has been a stumbling block for me - in any recovery you have to allow yourself to feel the pain. I can really see that now.

So while I am not against Plan A or B, it is time for me to drop them. They aren't serving me any purpose anymore. Of course I will use Plan A in any future relationships that come my way, but first I have to get through this.

Love and light, and thanks for all support,

Jacky

Jacky - I have been thinking of you. For the next few days, you will have a special place in my prayers.

You are right that we need a space in which to grieve and feel our pain. And it is right that the end of a marriage should bring pain.

(((((Jacky)))))

You are doing ok. I'm glad you didn't apply to much force to the children to get them to go.

And I'm glad the ow looked like she would be totally inapproriately dressed for the bbq.

Hi NinaToo! Just to say HI and may you and your KidZ "have a most Blessed & Happy New Year" - and thank you for posting to let us know you're still hangin' in there!
Here's a little "Love & Light" to you for the rest of this Year and 2003.
Peace, Goodwill, Joy, Love on earth to all Men (and Women).
Harold
PS - I wasn't surprised to see the get-up Ms. Clickety Clack was wearing - that sounds about the way she attracted your STBX and is keeping him anyway - typical slut-bucket HootchieMama outfit...
I'm just glad you're hanging in there and holding your head high throughout all this.
Harold

Jacky--

I have a funny new song for the new year...Sing it to the tune of frosty the snowman. And you can sing it whenever ms. clickety clack comes around. iT'S CALLED THIS:

DOWN UNDER NEW YEAR TIDINGS!

X Hubby and Click Clack
Made My Life a living hell
but now I am moving on
Lookin' better feeling well;

he broke all his promises
brought her a drivin' in the car,
but the pain will soon be gone away
because they don't live close by live far.

There must have been some fog within
that brain of his for real;
Because now he's lost me and got this pig
Let them live in slop and sqeal!

I am such a babe now
Can't believe I am finally free
Starting life anew with me and you
Am so glad they're the foggy ones NOT ME!!

For the chorus:
"Clickety click clack, clickety click clack
look at sleazy go;
clickety click clack, clickety click clack
what a big time ho".

Cheers to you and wishing you and the kids a wonderful new year...

I am right along with you friend. The pain ebbed back and forth. But I still think accepting the pain is good. Very good. But really, I believe that plan B is good. If we have continued contact and are friendly with exes, then it is ACCEPTANCE OF THEIR NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR AND VALIDATION. So I will have contact only for my son and about my son and his happiness and welfare. OTHER THAN THAT...DEUCEY AND HIS FLAVOR OF THE MONTH/DAY/YEAR CAN SHOVE OFF!

Think about this. This new year is for you, for the kids and about starting over. You are going to have no trouble. And when you are ready we'll be totally supporting your move to start over and have a wonderful man in your life.

Take heart Jacky, my counselor said that "BELIEVE IT OR NOT THERE ARE FEW MEN OUT THERE THAT WILL DO THIS KIND OF THING TO WOMEN. IT IS ONLY A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION THAT ARE REALLY THAT ACCOMPLISHED OF LIARS. ALOT WILL CHEAT, BUT MOST WILL NOT GO TO SUCH EXTREMES AND WILL ALWAYS BE WILLING NO MATTER WHAT TO PUT THEIR FAMILIES AND MARRIAGE FIRST NO MATTER WHAT STRIFE ENTERS THE UNION."

Remember that. We've been through the worst. Period.

Jacky,

I'm glad the kids were able to spend some time alone with their dad during the holidays..

Sorry about the disappointment from the In-laws
but it's to be expected..but, it doesn't mean they agree with what he's doing..it just means they love their son..

He was saying goodbye with tears in his eyes, but hey, he caused his own misery.--

I imagine he didn't expect the kids were serious about NOT wanting to go with him..and figured that once they seen him they would change their minds..and that is something that he will have to live with...the memory of your children standing their ground..saying "No, dad were NOT going"

If they stayed at his folks house when it was just the two of them, why didn't they stay at his folks house when your daughter was with them??
maybe they found that her being there was too much of a reminder of what he did?? And the damage he was doing to his kids??

And no, it wasn't a misfortune for you to see them together, yes, it was very painful..but it gave you the reminder you needed as to why this is all going on..and to remind you he's not the same man you married so many years ago..and it will also make the rest of this a little easier
in learning to let go..

You said she was dressed to nines...how were YOU dressed?? You could have been dressed to nines as well and gave him a little reminder of what he's giving up...

It's sad he's not spending the time he used to with the kids...or the time he could..and you know
when he's away from them now after the divorce is final..he will probably have even less contact with the kids...so you may not have to worry about that much contact in the future..

If you can talk to your daughter about her time with her dad..do so..ask her if she had fun..and if she says yes, then let her know it's okay she had fun..even if it hurts you to hear that she did..

It doesn't mean you agree with what HE did, it just means you want her to have a good relationship with her dad..and not to feel bad about it..just because you two are divorced..

yes it's hard...but it shows your a stronger person..and want whats best for your kids..a relationship with both of their parents..even if you don't agree with the other parents actions, as long as they aren't abusive..then you protect them..

I know when my kids first started spending time alone with their dad at his apartment, they would come home and say they didn't have fun..and I would just say "I'm sorry you didn't have fun at your dad's, I wish it wasn't that way" --I learned from talking to them, they were afraid I would be hurt if they had fun over there..and I had to keep telling them

"he's your dad, and I want you to have a good relationship with him, even if it's not always fun, things aren't always FUN here either..and even though he and I had our problems, those problems weren't about you kids, they were about us..and so you need to try and build your own relationship with him"

It was/is hard..but it's made it easier on them
in building their own relationship with him..

Jacky - It's really Cinderella here. Just having a password problem.

You're going to be ok, you know. Just think...there's a brand new year about to start. And you get a clean slate and the freedom to grow without as many "what if's".

And any time you wish, you can come play in the kingdom. We could still use a good detective.

Hey Jacky! On behalf of the few remaining members of our Kingdom, I extend to you a warm welcome and request: "Would you come over to "The Kingdom Of Caerlon" and join us? We've lost some subjects and most of us have followed your story from the beginning.
This is shamelessly plagarized from the last 2 Posts in our Kingdom:
Hey Cindy, Knight and my bud Pied Piper,
Check out the catchy tune I wrote for Nina Too on the latest post.
It is a melodical elixir hoping to make her laugh and smile although she's been handed some tough stuff this last week.
Let's go and support her some more. Make her a kingdom appointment ok?

Hi NotPeachy! Yah, I saw it - you're a good poet! I'd better watch out - you'll take my job away here in The Kingdom and then I'll have to go back to being a Court Jester (heheheeehehehe). Thank you for posting on behalf of NinaToo - that poor woman sure has had it tough - as you have also. May the Lord bless you and your Son. I'll re-visit the Thread and ask her to join our Kingdom - we sure could use an 'Aussie' - what say?
Harold

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Jacky, we'd love to have ya come on by...
Peace, Love, Light, Joy, Healing... and A Happy New Year to you! Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Thank you all for your heartfelt replies and good advice. I am very touched that you guys took the time to answer.

Cinders, I had to laugh at your comment about the inappropriate dress of OW. That bbq took place in a small (1000 pop.) town full of wonderful but very unwordly farmers, and her outfit would have been a real topic of conversation for them. But I think she wore it just for me, ya know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Oh well, what can ya do?

Harold, you are too, too sweet. Thank you so much for your kind words and invitation back to the kingdom. Perhaps when he is out of my sight again, I can renew the detective. Right now I am having a hard enough time keeping up with my everyday persona. But I will keep it in mind.

Not Peachy, Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh YES YOU ARE! Wow, I am so flattered that you took the time to write a ditty about my situation. I have c&p'd it and I am going to keep it to give to the vvvstbx when he gets out of his fog - about fifty years from now. And I like your counsellor's advice, but there are a lot of divorce stats around that say otherwise. Even if the instigators are fifty/fifty male-female, that is still 25% of potential new partners might cheat. UGGH! And even when you are SURE you have a devoted, ethical, moralistic man (I really believed this) look what can happen. But I am not wanting to be alone forever, just a heckava lot more careful.

TR, you hit it on the button - he did NOT expect his beloved and loving children to do what they have. He does have an ego problem, and an inability to see where he went wrong, and I think the kids will make him think, at least. Not change anything, but THINK about what he has done to our family.

Thank you for the comment about my little girl being unsure about expressing her joy at being with her dad to me. That makes perfect sense to me, as well as her confusion over this whole thing. I DID ask her if she had fun, she said yes, and I said good....so I think I did the right thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I actually do NOT want details from her.....I just wanted to know she was okay, and it appears she was. She is back to her old self today, anyway.

Latest update here is that vvvstbx is coming in the morning to take the kids on a special train ride we have here....a steam engine ride. Sam would normally love to do that, but he says he doesn't want to go. Same with eldest daughter. So he will be here at nine in the morning and expect them to go and they won't be. Do you think I shoud suggest his last couple of visits should just be with him....no OW tagging along? Just so he can actually spend some TIME with his kids? I guess he wouldn't like that (or more likey SHE wouldn't), but maybe he would go for it, who knows.

One thing I learned today...he is still a cheapskate. He was supposed to take the kids to a really great theatre production but he found out the prices were a tad expensive and decided not to. Now this man has money coming out of his ears, and he hasn't seen the kids for so long, but something is too expensive? Let me tell you, with my limited funds, I will find a way to take them to that show cos it is one of our favourites...The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, and I mean, how many times do you get that opportunity? Ugh he should be called Scrooge. Nice to see a leopard doesn't change SOME of its spots.

Love and light,

Jacky

Hi Jacky! Thank you for your kind words - it's good that you can have good and uplifting things to say to others despite the 'train ride' your ex has taken you and your kids on. You take care and don't party-hardy too much tonight, OK?
We'll hold a Place open just for YOU in the Kingdom when you are ready!
Take care and have a WONDERFUL New Year!!!
Harold