what is a soul mate? my wife says she is not sure she's loves me like she did when we were first married. help!!! i'm afriad i've lost her.<P>------------------<BR>

Love changes over time. People and their needs change over time. I struggle with this concept also. According to Dr. Harley the key is finding out what your spouses needs are and concentrate on meeting the top 2 or 3. When you do that, you both will fall in love all over again. Start by getting the book His Needs/Her Needs if you don't already have it. Both of you read it anddo the questionarres together. That will get you on the right foot to falling in love all over again.

I think "soul mate" is a subjective term.<P>It definitely probably brings to mind something pretty much the same in most of our heads. Someone who knows how you are feeling, cares how you are feeling. Moreover someone who is sensitive to that, and to you and wants to nurture it. It'd be someone who likes the same things, and likes us good enough to not mind not always liking all of the same things. It's who you'd want to sing with, dance with, or just sit with.<P>I could have left every bit of that out.<P>I have commented a few times in a few other posts about love being an act of will based on commitment, rather than a feeling. Your wife may not feel like she loves you, but that doesn't need to be the end of your marriage. Do you feel in love with her? How changeable is that?<P>This will sound, uhm. . . maybe negative. But it's not, because it's not "giving up".<P>My own wife and I are not "soul-mates". I've talked to her about that, and done my languishing and all that dying inside stuff. Mine's not a successful marriage, but it isn't a failed one.<P>Maybe the "in-love-ness" will return to your marriage. I hope for you that it does. But if it doesn't, or if it takes a long time - remember your commitment, your promises, and to do love your wife, regardless of feelings.<P>God bless

I feel the term "soul mate" is infinately oversold! It seems to bring some mystical connotation with it that just doesn't exist. Marriage is "in your face and in the flesh". It is just plain hard work and if a persons head is in some romanticized euphoria they won't be at the nuts and bolts of a relationship.<P>I loved blindly once and got stung! I will love with my eyes open and feet on the ground.<P>My spouse is my partner, friend, lover, father of my children......but a soulmate? The bible says two become one.<P>Just my 2 cents!<BR>Taj