Hello to All
Please share with us all steps you are taking or are planning to take in 2003 that will assist you with getting where you want to go with your new life.....How you are growing as a person from this experience, how you are feeling about yourself, your former spouse or soon to be former spouse....how you are dealing with the feelings of letting go, moving forward, learning the lessons in all of the experiences we have gone through....

I thought about this not long and hard, I look at my present and past circumstances.
A part of me can't even be upset with my H. I allowed him to disrespect me.

He only did what he new he could get away with that's my fault not his. I allowed myself to be a door mat and because of this H felt it was ok to treat me as such less than.

Right now I feel so bad and I'm more angry at self, I should have walked a long time ago especially when OC came aboard.

I feel humiliated I feel stupid naieve everything that is associated with allowing my self to be treated this way.

The only sanity I have right now is freeing myself from this maybe my self esteem will come back. Maybe I will feel whole again maybe I will fell complete.

I have to do this for me. I don't trust him or myself. I don't trust being a friend because he ran with all his opportunities, I allowed him to have. Instead of saying she doesn't deserve this.

Instead of saying she's not strong enough to do this I will not take advantage of her I will love her from a distance , that's wishful thinking he didn't do this.

I don't trust me to be his friend after all this I don't want to find myself being vulnerable again being in the same perdictument so it's best I let go of all ties.

I'll speak if we are in passing, but that's it
I'm saying all of this to say enough is enough. I can't take it no more I have to stand for something, because I've been falling for anything to long.

A friend of mine called me stupid because I took this treatment for so long. I'm not saying I was perfect I responded to him out of pain betrayal and etc. but he didn't love me enough to see my pain, he had a blinds eye and a deaf ear.

I'm filing for divorce before I have a nervous breakdown, or committ suicide or kill him. I have to do this I can't take no more.

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PRAYER CHANGES THINGS

Great Thread .... Here's my list

Participating in a Mentor-Coaching program. I will not be the same person by the end of the year. I know others that have participated in this program & they have taken quantum leaps.
Areas that I am going to concentrate on:
Financial
Relationships
Self Image

The success that comes from this program is not just financial, cuz unless you are in line with Gods will for you, then the money means nothing.
The growth is spriritual, emotional, physical (not in size) and mental.

Continue in Alanon - There is so much room for growth here. Every day I have new insights on me, my relationships it is just amazing.

Renovate and redecorate my home. It has been neglected tooooo long.
God Bless,

D.

I have decided to file in 2003 after 3 years of his ongoing affair. Plus I called my health providers help line....so for the first time I will be getting help for just my self and for my kids =o) ...I originally posted yesterday in general questions under the infidelity.

My goals are to get a divorce, move on and not look back. To accept that in the past 4 years I have done all that I could and its time to move forward.

To decrease my computer time and increase my exercise time.

To make a commitment to a healthy diet and lifestyle.

To surround myself with friends who I enjoy and who enjoy me.

To have savings account for emergencys.

To take all the energy I have been spending wondering and worrying and hoping for my marriage and put it into creative hobbies.

To continue counseling.

I like this- I'm at a point where I can pridefully share my accomplishments and goals for '03!

Recommitted faith in Christ: re-establishing "old" fellowship bonds and gaining new ones over past few months! In '03 another member and I will Begin Men's Purity Group on Saturdays through support of our church. Contiune to grow stronger in the body of Christ!

Continue pursuit of career change! Networking with many to begin new career. Patient to find right match!

Growing my accountability to arrest sex addiction.

KISS-Keeping It Simple, Silly! A trait that has eluded me for far too long.

Establish and maintain healthy boundaries with friends, co-workers and family!

Getting to KNOW ME, better! Getting to KNOW YOU!

Foster Christian spiritual growth in children (15 & 13). Creating a legacy they can lean upon without getting hurt! A legacy for me to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> about!

Establishing a lifelong friendship w/ stbx!

finally and God willing, finding a companion to enjoy the fruits of our lives together!

That's enough for now...this list is subject to change at a moments notice as I pray and receive answers for my direction! Stay Tuned!

Thanks for the thread f4u!

In Christ's Name!
><><><, cg's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 29, 2002, 05:14 PM: Message edited by: catch22222 ]</small>

For me well....I am doing what a friend here told me to do....take hold of the pain, grasp it, feel it, work through it. This is agonizing for me but it is working....the pain is getting less...some things I am doing to help me with my journey to the new me.....the one that has been pushed down, neglected, put last for so many years because of being a caregiver for so many...my children, my husband even though he thinks I neglected his every need, my parents, job pressures.....well now it's time for me....Hope some of you find this information helpful for you to try and make your way as well.
First thing...Reflect on My Needs
1. What is it in my own life that I would like to change?
2. How do I want to be different?
3. In what areas of my life do I need help?
and last and most importantly.....am I willing to submit to God's solutions rather than force my own desires upon Him? Ask yourself these questions and on the last one....God's will for our lives...consider this....Sometimes when we seek solutions for our difficulties we already have the preferred outcome mapped out...how we want it to turn out.....that's ok to a degree but remember we must have a willingness to seek the face of God and His solution for our lives. The end result and timing may be different than we anticipate. Just remember God works on his clock/timeline, not ours....have patience and continue to pray and thank God for what you realize he has done for you. Next, be open for change and growth in your life...so many of us have been stuck for so long we feel things will never change...they will....the longer we live with a problem or intolerable situation the more our vision of change becomes defective...We have blinders on...see only our current situation and stay rooted in place while LIFE and the world passes us by. We become locked in the PAST and PRESENT rather than looking to the future.....HAVE VISION....remember this Bible verse.....Joel 2:28 "Your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions" Don't loose your vision for the future...when you have a vision for what you want to become, as for the future, you are able to move ahead, face difficulties head on again and again...when you see things as they could be, you need not let the odds overwhelm you. See the potential for your future as God sees it....don’t forget that, this keeps me going......don’t be scared...be a risk-taking visionary....and last I will offer this.....Become a person of HOPE....when you look at your own situation, can you envision what it would be like if it were different? Do you see several variations of how all could work out different? Remember the final outcome seldom is what we think it should be but can still be for your best interest and more fulfilling....just be open, optimistic, prayful, and trusting in God.

Well I have been around here for some time now, popping in and out every so often. I still have issues with the ex. May 12 02 D final. He has shared custody of our 3 children and is to have the children everyother weekend and once during the week. He owns a Townhome 5 minutes from the marital home which has been vacant since the divorce was final. The tenant moved out after having to deal with my ex.
He is living at his parents home a few towns away and hardly every calls or takes the children over night. His gf has since moved to another state and they are maintaining a long distance relationship. He complaines about not having money to do anything with the 3 children yet can afford to fly to the state where his gf lives. I know that his gf is trying to move up the corporate ladder, bully for her! I am just waiting for her to get another promotion and move to another state where my ex's company has an office.
I know this was about moving on, well I have for me. I am enrolled in school will graduate in March and plan on opening my own practice part time and work in a hospital full time as a massage therapist. I have to work around my childrens school hours and working in a hospital will most likely be during the day. When they have off I will have to figure something out.
I am a total work in progress. I am dating someone very wonderful. We met right before the divorce was final. I was already seperated 1.5 years. Somedays are very hard. I feel helpless, but I have to pull my self up and realize that this is where I am now. I have to make the best of it.
I don't regret the marriage ending, just the way it did. What a coward my ex was. He has yet to appoligized for ending the marriage the way he did. He still blames me! Only because I counter filed for divorce. If he thought I was going to just sit around, like I did for the first year of seperation, he had another thing comming. He even had the nerve to say to me after we signed the papers, "you got what you wanted". His is still in a fog, very depressed and very un-happy. He chose this woman because she has money and is 10 years younger then he is, I always said love is not about money, it can not buy you happiness. Guess he never will understand.
For all of you going through the divorce process, do not trust your spouse. He/she will try to get everything for them without even considering the children. I was lucky I kept the children's interest up front and fought for them. They are still in their same home, and will never have to leave since I was given it in the divorce. Good things are ound the corner. SOmetimes the corners are very wide but I will turn them one at a time. GOD BLESS EVERYONE, HAPPY NEW YEAR. May all who are touched by infidelity grow and learn, There is something much better out there, be open to all the wonders life offers you. It does get easier.

My goal for 2003 is to quit defining my life by my marriage or divorce. Both are over now. I want to quit analyzing the past. I want to accept that there are things that can never be explained.

I want to love my children and enjoy the time I have with them before they leave the nest. I want to be an example to them of how to handle the unpleasant things in life.

I want to exercise more, laugh more and spend more time developing friendships. I want to eat less, complain less and spend less time thinking about the "could haves," "would haves," and "should haves" in life.

I want to find a way to help other women through hard times. I'm especially interested in finding a way to be of help to other ministers' wives. I know from experience that they have an extra burden to bear.

Lastly, I need to pass the A+ Computer repair certification test so my goal is to study, study and then study some more.

Wishing you all a year in which you can find contentment and peace.

This is a great post....

In 2003 I have decided that this year is going to be about ME... I am going to take care of myself and make myself a better person... My divorce will be finalized on January 17th - I am having a party as suggested by my therapist to end an old life and to begin a new one - he suggested that I invite all of my friends and have them bring one single person male or female for me to meet - So that I stop thinking as a married person and start living as a single person... I am going to spend time with my children and hopefully start dating... And my top goal is to just let go of my husband - this is his loss and it has been ruling my life for to long... I need to move forward --- Good Luck to everyone...

keep sharing MBer's....tell us why 2003 is going to be a better year for you....would like to hear your plans for the New Year....It's almost here....
f4u

As the clock ticks relentlessly towards the New Year, I sip my one cocktail and contemplate my goals....
Find myself a good, rewarding and meaningful job and learn to support myself, whatever it takes.

To continue my healthy lifestyle and execise program (I lost 70+ pounds this last year, although I wouldn't recommend the stress reduction plan that prompted most of it!!)

To show my three beautiful daughters a strong woman can survive whatever life has to throw at her with style, dignity and a minimum of whining.

To take pride in myself and respect myself - no more "what did I do wrong??" finger pointing. Bottom line is we all make mistakes, but I am working diligently to improve myself and consider me a work in progress.

Lastly, to let go and learn to forget the one true love of my life. He was the most awesome man and I do miss him, but I was so lucky to have the best of him and not what he is now, not what he has become.

Thanks for letting me verbalize what my random thoughts had produced.

Happy New Year!!