My eldest daughter (10) has been struggling immensely these past two months with lack of sleep.

Today I took her to the doctors for a checkup and a talk with him. When I explained our situation he recommended that I take our 3 girls to Childs therapy for Divorce.

I know there have been many threads on telling the children about Divorce but I could not find any on getting them therapy.

Have any of you taken this approach to help your kids?

If so:

1) What have been the drawbacks of this? My kids sadly know everything already.
2) Did it make a noticeable difference

I am obviously keen to avoid any more stress for them but I think this may be of help?

Regards Neil.

I took my kids to a counselor..it was wonderful..

It gave them someone they could talk to and share their hurts with..and help them work through the
emotions they felt..

Many times they didn't want to talk to me or their dad, because they didn't want to hurt us instead of sharing what they were feeling they kept it bottled up..going to counseling helped them learn it was okay to share how they felt..
even if they thought it would hurt one of us..
and they learned their feelings were normal..and
that it's okay to feel sad..

So for us it's been very helpful..they still use the skills they learned in counseling..

My kids are 14, 10 and 8 if that helps..

The library and bookstores have great resources. My STBX demands that our DD5 go to therapy, but hasn't given me the phone number yet. The book "how to cope with Divorce the sandcastles way" has some great descriptions in it.
I enrolled my D's into Rainbows - which is a peer counseling program for children of death & divorce. It gave them the opportunity to meet others in their situation, and to talk about their feelings. It's run through churches and is usually free. The pastor counseled the parent's while the children were in Rainbows, and his many years of divorce counseling were astounding. Many great ideas. One thing he stressed - at each age, the children will grieve their family, and will handle it differently. That means that as the children age, you will continue to see behaviors come out.
There are also family counseling sessions so that you can understand how they feel with an unbiased party in the room.
Good Luck.

Rainbows isn't available here in the UK, so I am going to see if I can get them into counselling at Relate the UK guidance teams.

Following up on this one as promised.

Have first children's therapy session booked for Tuesday 21st Jan (one day before first part of divorce <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

The first session is for the kids to meet the counsellor and me to cover the "so far" so that the therapist can decide way forward (if at all).

The Therapy is being provided by Relate a marriage guidance team in the UK.

Neil.

Following up, tonight we had our family therapy at the Marriage Guidance Centre, my 3 D's and I.

It was about an hour long and fairly relaxed.

The girls spoke about many of the issues they were facing, and struggling with.

The primary ones were about trust, lies, coping with stress and extreme anger. Indeed I saw a side to one of my daughters that I have never seen before <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The Counsellor was excellent, and managed to draw out much.

Personally I found it to be a further nightmare. To be blunt I had no idea about the level of issues and damage done to them. We are going to go back weekly and begin to tackle many of the issues covered. Thankfully they responded well, I did not think they would talk so openly but perhaps that was the ease the C put them at.

LostHusband told me once "there are three sides to ever story" and he was right, the kids needed help and I am pleased that they appear to be getting it.

Neil.

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

(((NEil)))

I am so glad you got them into therapy. I tell you, I thought I knew everything about my girls until we started counc. It's amazing what thoughts, feelings, and emotions rose to the surface. They went for a little over a year, then they've been back a couple time to help with issues that arise.

Stay with it and your reward will begin as you see their attitudes and behaviours blossom.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

PS. Didn't realize you were in the UK when I e-mailed you the other day. Feel free to e-mail me any time.

Bill how frequently did you go and how long were the sessions? I am trying to determine how often to go due to the costs and strain of it? Neil.

Neil,

When we first started, we went once every two weeks. At that time my youngest was having the most difficulty so she went for an hour and my other two each went for 1/2 hour. As time progressed, we slowed to once a month.

As things developed, whoever seemed to be struggling got the full hour and the other two got the half hour sessions.

And yes, it was a straining expense but the benifits were so awesome.

I had a session last night of Children's Therapy actually on my own. It was quite helpful. The therapist wanted to cover the history of our kids, what they knew and what they had been exposed to and what if any their individual fears were.

Over the next few sessions the girls are going to be seen individually because it is apparent that their feelings about the split and divorce are different to each others and they get upset when one says "I feel this" and the others say "I do not but I feel this".

It is proving to be very helpful to me, I have seen a significant improvement these past few weeks particularly related to how they are now openly talking about it to me and the daughter who was so stressed is now a completely different child.

I don't know how many more weeks we will be going (probably at least 5 if I can afford it) and then I hope to switch to fortnightly or something like that.

I have cried in front of them a lot recently which I have been worried about but the Therapist has said that this is ok and best that they see the troubles I have. The girls have been very supportive to me during these times.

I have found them talking more about their issues to me when they come home rather than when they get into bed which was what was happening. Neil.

son saw a psychologist when 11, who says he has aggression to cops (dad) & nurses (OW). we moved & X quit paying court ordered medicial. will have to wait a few months before son can be seen by a Dr. Dr. told me there is no more I could do, its up to his dad now. Dad refused to see Dr. I watched a child who would cry if you raise your voice, to now raising his voice back to me & others. he has nightmares that dad is killing mom and trying to take him away. Our D was nasty I can understand why he feels that way. can see changes in him every few months. Make sure you have a dr who talks with the children without you in the room, 1st one we had made me stay in room. our son couldnt say what he really wanted to, afraid he would upset me. this Dr. talked with son, then me, then both together. son opened up, he was going through the same stages of D as I was. You need to see if your spouse will go with you. Later when things get tuff your kids will blame the other parent for their new life they now have. my son is very protected of me, I was told that I will have trouble when I date. He lost dad to another woman, and doesnt want to lose mom to a stranger.

m-17 1/2 yrs
me-48, x 43
c-13, 29, 8 gd
d-5-02

ow-32
m-10yrs
c-3 under 11
d-7-02