My former in-laws have no idea why I divorced their son. I received a letter from her today, the first since I left, and she sounded so confused and hurt. She said that she wishes that my ex and I were still together.

I have written her a letter explaining simply that I was not the one putting the twinkle in her son's eyes for several years. I said that we both tried to pretend that it wasn't happening but then things exploded and we just couldn't pretend anymore. (I did not mention that the other person is a man.)

I told her that I will always love her and my father-in-law and hope that they will continue to love me.

Now I don't know whether I should mail the letter or not. I don't want to hurt them but I don't want them hanging on to some false hope of reconciliation, either. Also, as bad as the truth is, it's usually easier to deal with than uncertainty.

Should I mail the letter or not? Today would be our 25th anniversary so am I just reacting to that? I really do want to do what is best for them. What would you do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I think you should mail the letter. Your decision to not share with them that his interest was in another man I support. He should share that side of himself with his parents....just reassure them that you still care for them and am sorry but that you can still remain in contact. I think you are doing the right thing.
f4u

I would mail it. It's not vindictive or mean, just stating the facts, and I'm assuming it is also filled with your love for them??

I still love my ex-in-laws, and have written them a couple of times (they knew it all before we divorced)... and my parents have had my ex-H over a few times since the divorce, with the kids (all adults)... even as recently as this Christmas. I couldn't be there, but he and the kids were. I was there for Thanksgiving. Kind of taking turns... and I think it's a nice way to do things, if you can do it.