I wish that I could just put it all out of my mind and move on with my life. I moved out of my house about six months ago after finding out about my WS having multiple affairs. We had been going through MC for over six months at that point for an affair that she had. Things were going downhill fast and I left after finding out about several other affairs. She immediately wanted to reconcile, and blamed the affairs on her childhood sexual abuse. I personally didn't buy it as the reason for the affairs. I just can't trust her anymore. To this day, she still wants to reconcile, but I can't see it happening due to the problem I have with trusting her. I know that I need to move on with my life.

Hi Betrayed One,

Sorry to see you go through what you are. I understand your pain and distrust. I went through the same thing with my now exww. Trust is something thats earned and proven so I can see why you feel the way you do. I would pray and read the material on this MB Site. At this point if she wants to reconcile what a blessing and new beginning. I honestly believe a big part of my exww A's were because of the sexual abuse at 13 that was never dealt with, she always kept the "its all my fault" and " longed for her fathers love " her stepfather abused her. Therefore the void and her lowself esteem got the best of her and she saw A's as her way to happeness when it only brought her more shame and guilt, Affairs are a weakness and not strength as some WS's make it out to be that's why most are destroyed inwardly when it's all over. If my WW would have repented and shown evidence she was wanting to reconcile and actions of trust followed I would have hopped on it because prior to the A's she was a good woman, she became under the power OM's therefore there was no hope for us but to part ways.

The key is not to try to return to what you had before, it's gone, you have to move into a new area, you have changed, your WW has changed now but that is not a bad thing it can add a new aspect to the relationship.....

Betrayedone....Let me start out by saying how sorry I am that you are having to deal with this. Just keep in mind that since your wife is remorseful it is a living hell for her too. Not on the same level by any means but she hurts for you and for what she has done to you.

Is she getting help for dealing with this past child abuse? If she is tackling this issue then I believe she will be a much better person and a much better wife but she has to help herself first.

You know what I am going to say next. By all means try and save your marriage if you can. You loved her before and you can get that love back in my opinion. Start all over. Have a brand new marriage and make it better than the first. God put you together for a purpose. Stand up and fight for your marriage and don't ever give up because God can heal people and marriages.

Let us know what happens and we will pray for you in the mean time.

Remember this, God can do anything. He is a God of miracles

Love in christ
cajunky