Hello, let me pose a question to all. Background - First marrige almost 22 years, divorced in 97. Second marriage 5/99, separated 8/00, divorce final 1/03.

Through the separtaion with 2nd wife, I did a lot of internet searching and came upon this site as well as RejoiceMinistries.com. The second marriage for both of us did not have any Affairs, just my partner that has many personality issues and quit trying after 22 months of counseling. (that is another problem, all together.)

Since before my first divorce (initiated by my wife), I have continued to have love and tender feelings for her. Finding this site helped me understand how both marriges failed, second wife did not want to participate in POJA or any MB seminars. However, the rejoiceministried site and daily emails, made me reflect and improve my relationship with God. I came to see that my covenant relationship is very important to me.

First wife and I are good friends and parents to 2 older children (21 & 17). First wife has not dated at all in the 6 years since the divorce.

I have expressed an interest in reestablishing a relationship with her. She is very negative, not wanting to trust me. It appears to me that she is still hurt by the divorce. She says MB and Rejoiceministries are just reasons I found to justify my quest to get her back. She is a Christian and has a good relationship with God, however seems to overlook the bible teachings on divorce.

Any Thoughts?

I am wondering, as anyone here been able to date or have a relationship with a first spouse?

Yes, it's happened... even one guy here remarried his first wife even after she'd married another (her other man (OM)). I don't think it's "common" but it surely does happen.

My advice to you would be to continue to pray about it and let GOD soften your first wife's heart... and then see what happens.

Plus, you have just been through another divorce, and perhaps the time is right for you to just be alone and think on your life, and on God. You need to heal too, and I think your first wife probably senses that.

And to answer your question posed in the subject line: You can go home, but in the seven years since you've been there, remember some changes have been made, your ex-wife has done some thinking about her life, and life has moved forward.

Whatever you do - DON'T PUSH HER.

Best wishes, and God Bless... whatever will be, will be, if you be still and listen for God's voice in this.

<By the way, I needed to read this in my situation - thank you - God may have intended this message for me, as well.>

Ditto on everything New_Beginning said, especially...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My advice to you would be to continue to pray about it and let GOD soften your first wife's heart... and then see what happens.

Plus, you have just been through another divorce, and perhaps the time is right for you to just be alone and think on your life, and on God. You need to heal too, and I think your first wife probably senses that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In addition, it would almost appear that you are looking to your first wife as a "rebound" relationship. This may not be true, but she might perceive it as such. That's why it's important to do what N_B said, quoted above.

God will direct you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi EagleScout...I think New Beginning hit it dead on....read that post and re-read....I cant offer any more advice. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....
f4us

Thanks, New_Beginning for your message. Perhaps it's me or just a male issue, that patience is not my strong suit. Something that I need to learn. Trusting that He will do the work if it is to be.

I know my first wife and I have changed quite a bit since our marriage. I know there is no going back. I want to start anew, especially for the family and our children. Problem she sees is that I am identical to when we were married. I beleive that this is the hurt talking to her. She has tried to avoid the hurt by plunging into the kids and work and has not done anything to heal except to let time pass.

You are right, I can only be patient, go slow and continue to pray for a softening of her heart and for God to guide me to what he has instore for me.

I just hope that He keeps up the pressure on me until I see it.

Thanks!

I'm in the same boat....although I remarried 3 yrs ago, still w/him, I'd divorced after 24 yrs of marriage - for many reasons $$, my health, and counselors saying it was probably best. NOW, it's going to be 5 yrs seperated this Winter, and I miss our history, much of the things we loved together. He's been living w/an older woman since we split. I think we needed better support and counseling at the time. I've tried to put it in God's hands, but it's hard. Have 20 y/o college student, 15 y/o at home w/me, both girls. Should I even hint that I miss him? He lost his father this past summer, and I was at visitation and funeral. His mother died when he was 17. I see where I'd like to be in ten years, and it's not where I am now, or with my hubby. I know in my heart that I never stopped loving him, had a hard time living with him, and I don't believe he ever stopped loving me. I don't know what's right, or if I should let go - and patience isn't my longsuit either....this post was helpful. Thanks. All comments welcomed.