What's going on with your situation....I am still not clear...can you straighten me out! Hope you are well!
f4us

Hey f4us,

Thank you so much for the well wishes!

W and I are in NC mode at this point, since 12/24, per her request. She asserts that she's still very angry and bitter toward me...understandably so. I have honored NC and am simply working my relationship with the Lord, spending much time in prayer/scripture (infact, I have 1 year Bible and will be reading to completion for the first time in my LIFE!).

Also, spending time on 2 distance learning masters courses . Looking forward to starting men's ministry within next 2-3 mos. at our church (gathering resources). IC and Pastoral care still in works. Other than that I sleep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !

Leaving my M up to the LOrd and just waiting on what W has said was "dv paperwork in the WORKS"!

How about YOU!

In Christ's Name!
<><

So NC.....I can see how hurt she is....to forget the images of the person you love touching someone else is devastating...see my H would never admit to me anything about OW....wouldnt admit EA and then wouldnt admitt PA....I myself had to find out these things my own way...I really didnt want to hire a PI so I did some investigating myself based on what few facts he had been willing to share with me and from my office I found out allot about her...where she lived, who she married, when they married, where her parents lived, even knew what brand of cigerattes she smoked..(didnt find that out sitting behind a desk, ha) but with just a few phone calls...was able to get enough to know where to go and look...like when he should be at work or out golfing, when it hit me he had actually touched another woman..I died inside..and every betrayed spoused on this board felt the same pain I did...and to him I just wasnt worth the effort to stay and work through the pain...to save our relationship...he opted out for OW....but I guess what I am trying to say is this...I know you have recently realized what beautiful wonderful creatures we woman are..to be respected, loved and not used for your pleasure only....so when you are thinking of your wife...do me a favor and look in your Bible and read Song of Solomon.....wow...now that is true love the kind of love you should feel in your heart for your wife....when you are right with God and he blesses you and hopefully you will reconcile with your W.....read those passages and then love your wife like you have never loved her hefore...that is true love.....yes Catch 22222 you have had SEX with I am sure beautiful woman, but once you have tasted what you read in Song of Solomon you will never want a cheap imitation again...only the fruits of your love for your wife...and I know you know it starts with your heart...your respect for her, your love for her, its not about what you get out of it...it's about your expression of love for her and if you can communicate that to her and on down the road you guys will have what God really intended for a H and W to experience ......now that's a love story....
For now give her time ....you hurt her dont pressure her in any way...hopefully she will be willing to work it out with you....but I do wish you would get away from that OW....You still in contact with OW hurts your wife....you must realize that....
hang in there
f4us

As I read your words and came across Song of Solomon, my thoughts and heart captured the times we would read SoS to one another. Just lying there in bed and sharing!!

After lurking for so long and finally posting out of sadness and feeling the pain I wrougth in my W and saw in so many others...I only wish I started sooner, but my bottom was never reached until 2 - 21/2 months ago!

I have 2 interviews next week and would love nothing more than to come out of one of them with a win/win situation (for employer and self). I know just being in same building doesn't help my W's hurt one bit, and I'm trying so desparately to remove myself from this scene so she sees I'm giving it my best "college try" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'll keep you posted...

Thank you so much for the kind and caring Christ like words f4us!

God Bless YOU and boys!

In Christ's Name!
<><

I pray you get another job...I have to tell you the fact that H wouldnt leave his wonderful, perfect job (OW works directly for him) just crushed me....really sent me the message that I DONT MATTER! ! ! ! I just dont want you to send that message to your wife because to you she does matter and you have to show her....I know I am being tough on this one but you cannot have ANY contact with that OW....I pray you get a job soon....can you transfer out of that building....is that possible....I just hope that the other areas of your life you are changing have changed reflect enough effort in the eyes of your wife for her to not shut you out completely....remember here it's what SHE (your wife) thinks about your changes that matter...not what you precieve them to be.....YOUR WIFE has to see them in her heart...I bet if you left that job that would be an eye opener!!!...I know I am standing firm on this one...but I just dont want your wife to feel what I have felt when my spouse let me know how much I meant to him.....A BIG FAT ZERO .....nothing
f4us

Thank you for the prayers of support. I will certainly keep you posted. Besides doing this for M/W, I am seeking employment elsewhere due to a level of stagnation that has made me feel like algae is growing behind my ears! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

The quandry I find myself in is that I can't share (actions) with her the changes going on in my life. I have found such a peace with the Lord and many moments throughout the day desire to call and share with her the JOYS of the past few weeks. But, I can't!

I'm ok with that, though. In his time and his alone!

Chat later,

In Christ's Name!
<><

I like what you said in the last part of your reply....referring to your own personal growth....when she does come around...allows you to have contact with her....wow will she be surprised.....just take advantage of this time and continue to grow in Christ....your rebirthing so to speak and you know what...if you and she aren't meant to be then one thing is for sure.....you have found yourself and are making the changes necessary in your life to be a good partner for someone......sometimes things dont work out like we want them to but if you grow, become a better person, realize what is really important, God will bless you. Hang in there my friend and take care....stay focused on what you know you need/have to do to give this your best shot.
f4us

Well a good bright early morning to you Catch22,
Let's hope this week brings you a new job....a new hope for your marriage. Got a project for work due this morning...up early to complete....have a great day
f4us

Gm F4u-

Interviews are Thursday...prayers and thoughts are appreciated. I have confidence something wonderful will come my way...through Christ's grace and mercy only!

I called my W this morning and left a message on her cell phone as I saw she posted that her hot water tank wasn't working and she had a leak in the roof. I called and left message that if she needed a hand I would be more than glad to look at it. She called back and told me what was going on with tank...I asked a few questions and then she said she was going into work early to shower. After a few moments of conversation, she asked if she coud shower at my place...ABSOLUTELY!

It was wonderful to see <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> her! I've missed her company and companionship...she showered, I showered and we left each other with a hug...she smelled beautiful. We also exchanged x-mas gifts! She gave me a shadow box for my collectible golf balls! Something I've wanted for awhile.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but asked her for coffee at some point and she agreed. I'm leaving everything up to the Lord...I know he will guide me/us in whatever direction his will desires. I just have to keep submitting to his will throughout this process!!!

She even shaved my neck...I don't like having neck hair! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'll let you know about my interviews!

In Christ's Name!
><><>< BIG TIME CG'S FOR ME!

Sounds like a great way to start your week off! I am so glad that you guys had a good morning. Keep focused on what you know you need to do and keep praying. I will pray for you to continue to transform and for your wife to have an open heart. Hang in there!
f4u