Thru my other thread, there has been one constant.

That is that most love their WS or I should state the person that they were...........and that we are very angry for what the WS's have done and the way they have chosen to behave.

And perhaps thru are own healing it might be good to vent what it is that has made us the angriest or what was the stupidest thing that the WS has done.

We type all of this out and share with others and maybe we can put it to rest for ourselves. Could be some laughs in it, that's for sure!!! Things are always funnier with distance of time!!! Just a thought here.

I felt that people were kind of relieved to say that they loved their WS and that it wasn't such a bad thing.

I'll go first............The stupidest thing WS did was moving OW in and having to move her out as the AF said that adultery is a no no!!! WS had to spend lots of $$$ To take care of this stupid mistake and it almost cost him his career. ANGRIEST......that he allowed this to happen to our marriage and family, I still shake with anger when I think he allowed this!

Next..................

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

In my case it wasn't the A or the lies or the blaming/justifying. I realize how and why A's happen and that lying, deceiving and blaming go along with it. What makes me the angriest is that my W never admitted it and never once was willing to give our M a chance, even if it was half hearted or even if only for our daughter.

The stupidest thing she did, or should I say the thing that makes the least sense, is that she told me a few months ago that she still isn't happy (OM long gone I think), won't be happy once we're divorced and probably never will be, yet still wants the D and won't see a therapist. I can understand a WS that believes their happiness lies with the OP or the WS who believes D will bring them happiness, but to see your life as doomed to be unhappy and do nothing to change that defies logic.

sad dad

One,among many of the most ridiculous things that my husband said or did happened one evening not long ago when I was trying to have a discussion with him about possibly reconciling and stopping the divorce, to really work with me on the marriage. He stated that "This marriage WILL end."
I asked him what his plans were with the precious OW who is his soulmate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , and he said, "I don't have any plans, we may not even end up together. If we do then you can laugh and point your finger and say ha, I told you so, but after all SHE IS A MARRIED WOMAN!!!"
Okey dokey. When I tell people that line, they just about fall over laughing.
I'm just so angry that he doesn't care at all about me, how I will live, doesn't want to support me in any fashion after all these years. Just wants to erase me from his life. How is that done?? And what kind of person does it? Throws away his wife, his family for all intents and purposes, his life???

The old saying "love is blind" is so true in my situation. My D was final 12-01 and over the past year I have come to terms with my feelings and anger with my xh (who remarried 6 months after the D to the OW). I never saw the mental, emotional and verbal abuse in my marriage or even while we were dating. I thought I loved my xh but through counseling I learned that I never was given the opportunity to love my xh the way a wife should love her husband. I was beaten down throughout the marriage and abused and was always scared of my xh. There was no physical abuse but the chance of that occuring later on was very high. I couldn't talk to my ex, I couldn't express my feelings to my ex, I didn't know how to approach my ex.........I was always scared of the consequences from past experience.

I do regret marrying my xh. I love my children with all my heart and I know that they are the best part of the marriage I once had with my xh. I see now all the red flags in my marriage and before we were married but I thought I was in love and that everything was perfect.

The day of the wedding I felt like I was doing the wrong thing. I played it off as cold feet and nerves. I have thought about this throughout my marriage and always just pushed it aside as nerves and cold feet. Now I see what it was.

I still get mad at my xh sometimes just because of the abuse against me for 9 1/2 years. My xh has mental problems and it runs in his family but refuses to get help. I get mad at myself sometimes for not seeing all of this before my children came into this world and were affected by it. But, we aren't living together and the improvement in my life and my children's is immense.

Kathy

Grrrrr. Read my posts and it shall flow like a river..The anger that is.

I am doing better. Realize specifically that I've moved through the stages of grief and doing that well. First came denial, then came extreme sadness, then came the bargaining (plan a'ing him very well) and then came the anger. I am also I think in the anger and acceptance stage at once.

What DIDN'T Deucey do that makes me angry? Let's see. He lied to me for three years. He took our son last november of 01 to Disneyworld with Ms. Monkeyho while lying saying that it was a boys' trip. He took her to south beach and stayed in a $500 a nite suite with this piece of surgeons' work. He flew her there and here. He now visited St. Lucia with his new honey. HE refuses to ADMIT OR ACCEPT OR EVEN CONSIDER that he ever hit me, pushed me or verbally and emotionally abused me. According to him, IT WAS ALL MY FAULT AND I MADE HIM DO IT. I MADE HIM COMMIT ADULTERY FOR THREE YEARS. I MADE HIM PUSH HIT OR VERBALLY ABUSE ME. That he is above respecting me as the mother of his child and doing the right thing financially.

AND PROBABLY THE MOST: lying to a marriage counselor after visiting once. Never at all working on saving the marriage and getting help for his problems. He drove me to lowest point of my life last year. I lost 15 pounds (gained it back this year), and was so depressed for a bit that I thought life as I knew it was over. He made me feel so awful and so used and so unloved. That was 2001.

I know what I can do better as a wife. Not much, but will do what little I can in the future. Will be a great wife again if I want to remarry. He lies to everyone here (I am from out of town and most people don't know me) and says that I am wacked. But living with this guy could put Freud in a padded room. I lived with someone I was frightened of. It is funny. A while back I watched "Sleeping with the Enemy" and found that my life was so very close to the life of the character in the movie. So close it was scary.

But like that character I've managed to escape it now. I am ready for that happiness. I am ready to start over. Only God can change Deucey. I hurt for the man he was. I misss that guy. I hate that my child will grow up in a broken home. I wanted a marriage and a family. Tried for so many years to make it such despite having the wrong husband there beside me. Tried to make lemonade outta lemons. HE is/was handsome, and could charm anybody. He is a master of wooing a girl as well as a master salesman. I was a victim of a really good sales pitch. But should've kept my receipt because I bought something that was defective. He can't love. He doesn't respect women. He is sick emotionally and spiritually. And yet he doesn't know it.

Quote from Peachy:

"He is sick emotionally and spiritually. But he doesn't know it."

Amen. Since mine moved out, he is like a total stranger, I don't even know him. I look in his eyes and he's not there, if that makes any sense. Can't believe I slept next to this man for close to 30 years and he can dismiss me just like that, like a used rag.
That really pushes my buttons - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> - I want to kick his butt and yet, I'd do anything to have my long lost husband reach out to me.
In keeping my sense of warped humor and reading over this post, I have to laugh about the "slept next to" part....yeah me and at least 3 other people I know of.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

There are too many reasons why i was sooooo mad at my ex, way too many to mention, so i won't even start.

I too, do not regret marrying him, because the only thing good that came out of the marriage, was my two beautiful boys. This was my second marriage, and my older two kids were a lot older, so i started all over again, and loved it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am over most of the "mad stuff". Doesn't do any good to stay mad, you can't move ahead with a lot of anger. I think in my mind i have tried to forgive him, (tried anyway) for what a TOTAL LOSER of a husband he was, and will be to any women, not just me. But i will NEVER forget the mean, abusive stuff i put up with for 11 years

How angry ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> That just about covers it. I'm mad the for 3 yrs I tried my butt off to do what it took to make this marriage work. I lost my chance at fertility waiting and MB'ing and I'm mad the he was just doing what he did best - lied, cheated, decieved - I'm mad that he said things to his other women (yea plural!) that was repeated to his family, and they were lies, lies, lies, and his family has formulated this picture of who they *think* I am. they have no clue but from the second-hand information they received from the mistresses - well, you know it's got to be the truth. I'm peaved that his family thinks he is this golden child and can do no wrong. Shoot, they knew he was having affairs, but yet I'm the one that ends up labeled the "terrible spouse".

Now, after all is said and I just can't committ to working this out any more, after being so emotionaly wasted and drained, and now that I don't want to work on this marriage, now he SAYS he wants me to love him again.

EAs, PAs, cyber sex ... the whole enchilada and he wants me to erase the last 7 yrs of my life, and particularly the last 2.5 yrs, and just be lovely dovey. How do you come back from that. YOU DON'T. Now I just want out and have no financial way of doing this or sustaining my house unless I get more money.

I could go on but you can only fit so much in.

Anni

let's see.. how angry?? Angry enough to have composed multiple e-mails, telling everyone he knows what a lying ..well, you know.. including the chair of the Boy Scout committee. Yeah, he found BOTH OW's through the BSA.. he's the scoutmaster, they are assistant scoutmasters. All three USED to be married.

But the truth is, I don't know who I am more angry at. me, or him. After all, I believed him. I believed that he was committed to repairing our marriage and being totally there for me. Every time I caught him in a lie (and trust me, I didn't have to work hard at it) I believed his explanation. Every time I tried to talk to him about our relationship, I fell for his "poor H, with such low self esteem" stuff.Every time he looked me in the eye with tears in his and said he was really, really going to be completely honest from now on, I believed him. How stupid was that ?

I have found a great new IC, and when I told her all of this, and that I thought I had "[censored]" (pardon the crudeness) tatooed on my forehead, her reply was " Maybe he has conman tatooed on his!!

So, I am trying to get past the anger, both the anger directed at him, and the anger that is directed toward myself.

And, I never sent ANY of those e-mails.I plan to live my life with integrity. Sending those e-mails would have felt great at the moment. But they wouldn't have served any real purpose.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent!

almost 50.

I can so relate cause right now I have so much anger. Mostly towards H but also at me for being such a fool for so long. I have 4 beautiful children, but who knows, God may have blessed me with them anyway?

That I dont know, but I do know that somehow Im going to be better for all this. Dont know how long it will take but God will heal me

Broken, you H sounds so much like mine. He thinks this is all a joke. accused me last week of lying to him about filing for D. I said, you know I dont lie, then he said if I dont file he will, cause he wants OUT. Well, he would have to wait 18 monts to file or make something up, which isnt beyond him cause he has no grounds to file.

My H's actions arent just emotionally abusive. He has comitted many criminal acts. Laughed and said to me last week, I guess I should be dead. I only thought, jail for sure.

I have been working on a statement for my lawyer of all the abusive and criminal things he has done during our 26 year marriage, and at this point I am so angry, that I feel I may make copies and give them out at the time of the divorce. His parents never accepted me and blamed me for all our financial problems (H's drug and alcohol problem was) accidents, arrests, loans to cover accidents and lawyers, DUI and insurance surcharges, poor financial decisions and OW.
H has stolen prescriptions from MD's and wrote his own for whatever he wanted, stole from drug stores he was supposed to be cleaning (25 years ago..arrested for possession after that, but they didnt know where he go the drugs), stolen drugs from his dying father and even from a house that we were thinking of buying.
while emotionally battering me and sometimes physically battering me and even rape this summer. Another post, please read.

SO yeah, Im really, really, really mad and in spite of everything I was so willing to work things out if he could get help for his addictions, but no they were more important to him. Couldnt give them up. Easier to throw away 26 years and 4 beautiful children

Almost 50, I just about could have written your post (except for the BSA part - my H only made it to Cub Scout!!).
I told my IC I thought I had "stupid" tattoed on my forehead....I still look some mornings! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
He told me about the same thing. These guys have become such accomplished liars and are so smooth and of course we want to believe them - we loved them!
I still struggle with what to believe and not believe on the occasions I speak to him - and I limit that as much as possible. Take care.

2 things that stand out for me that made me mad. But now they make me laugh when I think about them. X told me a right after the D, that I made him fall in love with MOW. Because I D him? Ive always known X had book brains but no common sense. I was right when he was caught down dirt road around noon, outside city limits in patrol car with MOW performing oral sex on him. He was reported to Mayor office. I can now laugh at the things X did. best part is that X wasnt the only cop MOW was sleeping with. X was the only stupid one who wanted to M her. The jokes on him.

m-17 1/2 yrs
c-13, 29, 8gd
me-48, x43
d-5-02

ow-32
c-3 under 11
m-10 yrs
d-7-02

i'm not sure angry is an angry enough description of angry. . . .

1) for someone who spouts equality in all aspects of her professional life, inequality rules her family life . . . . .

2) her blatent perpetuation of what she used to call dsyfunctional of her family and didn't want to grow up that way, she is doing worse than that.

3) to perpetuate the class and gender struggle of her parents and her grandmother, and brainwashing of our kids in the same way, is just disgusting. . .

4) to think that her motives were competition to be the sole "teacher" of warped values, because i had a different view point, and could discuss both viewpoints, undermined her desire to have the world fit her version of reality as the only truth. . . . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> i have had my 10 year old daughter lecture me about car tire rotation because i have a different viewpoint than the X, and can back up mine with logic and reasoning.. . .

ugh. . . . such a ****ed up person. . . . i don't even like talking with her on the phone. . .

she contributes nothing to the world of adults. . . lots to the world of children. . .

wiftty

Crazy...

"I think this will be GOOD for the kids."
"I don't think they will even be surprised."
"Why should I be punished and have to make him do his homework?"
"You killed my heart, and made it so that I had to jump at the first person to show me love." (I am unsure how she counts, but was that the FIRST, FIRST PERSON.... OR THE FOURTH.)

Angry...

"There is no one else." (In an angry, indignant tone.)
"I have been happier than I ever thought I could be." (About our reconciliation.)
"I never thought you could change so much." (About our reconciliation)
"I Prayed for you with a REAL FRIEND of God." (As she acted like I was the person who was so lost, to her friends. She couldn't understand 'how I could act like I didn't understand or want to be around her',... UNTIL I confronted her with affair number 4 which "There is no other man."
"I don't have money for haircuts." (Then within 3 weeks takes a trip to New York.)

I am actually OK now. I look at all her words as merely shadows of what possibly may be real. I look for actions, and essentially disregard what she says. Because I have learned over the course of time, that words are only regulated vibrations that travel on the wind.

I don't hate my wife anymore. I don't even really dislike her any longer. I pity her greatly. I wish that things had been different. I wish that I had been different. I wish that I could have fixed the problems, but as we all know, you can only fix yourself.

I am extremely dissappointed in her however. As the wife of one of my friends said today. "FC, she really dissappoints me. I always thought that she was so with it, but now I look at her and can only wonder where that person went?" I know that her friends would think the same thing if they ever found out. But I don't care anymore. Unless she starts in on our final agreement, saying that she deserves more and that I am not giving to her fairly, there will be no reason to ever say anything. Once, I thought I wanted them to know the real situation, so they didn't think too badly of me. But I realized that how they thought of me was of little importance compared to the support my boy's mother needs daily, just to keep going.

I would rather her live in her own little world and function than find the real world, and be completely worthless. I will allow her to lie until she starts overtly disregarding the truth concerning the divorce again. If that should happen, then I will be sure to let her family and friends know what really happened. At least then they can make up their own minds, rather than rely on her bent.

I am in a very good place right now. I will be even better when the divorce is final. I don't even know how I want to feel about her. I don't really care about liking her. And she has no reason for me to respect her. I tolerate her because she is the mother of my boys and they need to love her for their own well being. I definitely don't want to hate her, and actually, the last two times I have seen her were the first times I could look at her without feeling complete disgust. That is a huge step for me.

2 days after she told me I was right to have thrown him out of our house... and she told me they had kissed... I had a seizure (epilepsy) and came to in the hospital with a restraining order and forbiddance to see her. She told them she was scared of me and implied I was going to hurt her.

12 hours later, after my parents flew to maryland from Arizona, I was released from the hospital. Conniving *****.