Our pastor is indicating that the litmus test of how well a husband is loving his wife as Christ loves the church as commanded in Ephesians 5 is how much your wife's needs are being met. I am perplexed because often times my good intentions of expressing love and meeting my wife's needs are not intrepreted by her as love. Can't perfect love be rejected and or mis-intrepreted even as Christ's love is oftentimes rejected? It seems like some books such as Discovering the Mind of A Woman by Ken Nair reject the impact that free will and the life experiences of a spouse have in receiving true love. What does loving a wife as Christ loves the church really mean and is the proof of that love the <BR>fulfillment and satisfaction of the wife?<P>Thank you for your insights.<P><BR>

dey1,<P>I would recommend a book to you on the subject of showing love to your spouse, of course that goes both ways. "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. <P>The book addresses your question about the how to's of expressing and receiving love. You are not alone when it comes to being misunderstood when it comes to showing our partner love. The premise of the book is that love is truly only received when we speak the love language of our spouse.<P>Example: Quality time.<BR>If you give your wife gifts and her love language is quality time, she will appreciate the gift but she will not receive it as the love she needs. She would far rather spend and afternoon with you talking and just enjoying the company.<P>Scripture say. Christ loved the church unselfishly. He was willing to go to the Cross. Unselfish love puts the needs of the other person first. The working out of that comes forth in many ways but the husband would view his wife as someone he would want to see grow and flourish. <P>Wives as "responders" and we will do just that when we feel loved. <P>Its important that God's command to wives is not over-looked. We are to honor and respect our husbands.<P>Check out the book. My h and I read it together last summer and it was a real eye-opener and easy reading.<P>Blessings, Taj<BR>

dey1,<P>Dr. Harley's principles are based on this.<BR>Men and women most often have a different set of needs. Your top five needs are not her top five needs. You may try to meet what you think are her needs but in reality they are more likely your needs. I tried for years to meet my husbands needs and could never understand why he didn't feel connected. It was because I wasn't filling the right needs. I was filling needs that were important to me and assumed that they were important to him also.<P>Dr. Harley's book, His Needs/Her Needs, explains this in detail. It has an emotional needs questionnare for the both of you to fill out and describes how you can go about meeting these needs. I highly recommend it.<P>You may not like doing some of the things that your wife places a high value on. For example, most women like conversation (alot!). Many men I know are not that chatty. It would take extra effort on that man's part to meet that need but his wife would feel love from that action. In turn, she would do things that you place a high value on even if it is not her favorite thing. It's about giving the other person what they need. <P>When the bible talks about being submissive to eachother, it is not being a doormat. It is giving to your spouse what he or she needs. When your wife is submissive to you, you in turn are submissive to her. It is mutually beneficial.