How do i divorce my wife if she has nowhere to go and i do care if she gets hurt?

I am in the same situation. I am going through a divorce with my husband. He is the WS, and I am the BS. I care and love my husband, but he doesn't love me. This is hard, a lot of emotional baggage on my part, I feel he has none. He has shown he doesn't care about what happens to me, saying he only wants to give me 2 years of alimony. We have been married for 25 years.

So I really don't know what to say. I am having a hard time, and so are many of us. Just talk to your lawyer, and seek counseling.

Are you sure everything has been tried to restore the marriage? Divorce is a last resort.

Faith4us, I can truly identify. I've been married almost 28 years and get the same line of "bs" from my loving H...in fact he was just here tonight to talk about finances, could we sit down and work out some asset division (re: how can we work something out so it will be a 50/50 split instead of him losing big time because of the A??) He cares nothing for me at all, just the almighty $$...he's so deep in the fog, he thinks he is doing me a favor and of course, he loves to be "in control".

I really dont think even the worst cheating spouse wants a divorce 100%, i think they are really confused people. WS will say anything or do anything because they are sick mentally and dont grasp the damage they are doing.

In my case my wife is the WS, she has never contacted the OM after i found out about her affair. She had also kissed my brothetr one night on new years when we were drinking heavily that i did not know. When I found out about her affair EA/PA she had with a stranger she met on the internet. She told me about kissing my brother because she said she wanted to be 100% honost about anything bad she has ever done.

Wife wants to remain married and crys every day and says she has not ever once thought of any other man except for the OM, and never thought once about being with my brother she was just drinking and he kissed her and she kissed back and was over in 3 seconds. She says after I found out about the affair she has never thought of the OM once and it wasnt what she thought it was going to be and regrets it etc. etc.

Problem is I am having a very hard time dealing with her sluttyness (that a word?). She was a virgin when we met and 100% inexperienced in almost everything (19 years old and fron russia, never had a serious relationship, now she is 24). I am the exact opposite of her and the OM. I am experienced sexually and physicaly strong and strong minded. The OM was nerdy, weak and wasnt experienced in anything. He did offer her lots of attention because my wife is very attrative and he resembles pee-wee herman/tom green. He also didnt know she was married and she didnt ever tell him until i found out. Their EA lasted 7 months, then she went to stay with him for 2 weeks and then the A went physical. As she explains to me the sexual experience was freeky and was over before it started and never once satisfied her but his constant attention kept her there until her vacation was over. She says that she wishes i was there when she was with the OM and thought about me when she was out walking the town with the OM and how i would like this or that etc., or thought to herself "why cant the OM do that, my husband can do that easy?".(she was suppose to go to meet her family in russia and took a detour to stay with him 2 weeks of the 1 1/2 month vacation.

My wife does not want a divorce, but my feeling for her have decreased enough to consider divorcing her. Im not sure really what i want, i ride motorcycles, tournament level paint ball, bicycles and physical things come easy to me. My wife has never attamped to get involved in my activities even though she looks physicaly fit and has a models body and looks (she even had a few paying model jobs in the last few years).
She attempted for the first time to go running with me and even tried riding a kids motorcycle we have, she crashed and hurts herself trying to get involved in my activities.

What to do?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bog:
<strong>What to do?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That depends. Do you want to grow as a person? Or do you want to stick to doing what comes easy to you?

Hint: it is highly unlikely that circumstances will allow you to stick to what is easy, no matter how consistently you try to take the easy road...

Ask God to help you recover from the affair and heal your heart. You and your marriage can recover.

It seems obvious to me that she had desperately unmet emotional needs, not that she wanted to lose you.

She wants you to be the ONE who cares about her needs. You should do whatever it takes to meet her needs. Listen to her heart. Follow the MB principles too.

If you choose to feed only on the sin and hurt, you will take revenge and divorce. But I think you should rather travel toward the higher ground of healing and deeper love than you both ever had before. God can help you get there.

Get the support of Christian counseling, your pastor's help, and together begin to explore God's design for a truly beautiful and healthy marriage. Harley's and many other books and seminars can help you both learn how to nurture your marital covenant. Your choice is to get bitter or better. Get better!!! This crisis can be turned into a way to deepen your life, love, marriage, and relationship with God. Don't miss the opportunity to be blessed!

Check out:

www.famtoday.com (book, Marriage on the Rock, Return to Intimacy tapes/seminars, etc.)

www.familylife.com (conferences, etc)

<small>[ January 10, 2003, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: Renae ]</small>