Hello, all,

These boards have been so valuable in my life over the years. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for the continued support and guidance... I don't think I could have made it through the eye of the storm without you. I will miss everyone!

Since my WH (catch22222) has come to this forum I feel like my space has been invaded. I will be the one to leave as I do thnk catch (in all his rightiousness) has more to offer here than I do.

Seeing catch's words on these boards just tail spins me emotionally and sets me back into unhealthy feelings and thoughts. I am trying to move forward in my life and recover from the pain of his destruction.

Yes, I am still extremely angry and bitter and more so these days because he can go on with life with a big smile on his face because he was born again and rebaptized. I'm sorry, I don't buy it.

I stayed away from catch's threads to give him space to feel free to write (although I had urges to clarify his views at times, but didn't), but he invaded mine yesterday and again tried to show how rightious and good he is and I felt as though I had to further defend my reason for the post.

I wish you all the best as you continue to recover and rebuild your lives!

Blessings!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 11, 2003, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>

We've posted in the past, but I'm not up on recent developments. Just saw this and wanted to say goodbye and good luck!

Hugs--

Kathi

I am not involved in an EA with your Husband. If anything I have said offends you , I am sorry. All I can do is tell you my position and it is up to you to accept what I say as the truth or not. I cant make you believe what I am saying. Catch...just for the record, if you are truly interested in securing any hope for your marriage....this is not a healthy thing for you to do....talking to any woman online in any capacity....I am only saying this to you based on your past actions.....having EA's with woman on line.....obvisously this causes allot of pain for your wife....think about what you are doing....again I am sorry I have gotten in the middle of this...I dont want to be a part of any destructive inter change.
f4u

{{{faith4us}}}...

Bravo... to you for showing such care...

...please continue, out of courtesy to Free2BMe...
...to simply make no responses to Catch...
...in the interest of what Marriage Builders is supposed to be.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

Sorry to see you leave, but after reading the other thread, I can understand your reluctance to post...it made me feel like I was intruding to read it....please take care and I hope you'll feel comfortable coming back on someday.

FreeToBeME - I was in the same situation. My WH (SNL) was on these boards for over a year, day after day. I was reading what he was writing, and there is a lot of disrespectful comments made. You shouldn't leave, cause you need help. But if you two could make a truce, you could be on one sight and he on the other. And no one posts on the others thread. We tried, and what SNL wrote I found disrespectful, and he found mine disrespectful. You have a husband that wants you back, that loves you, and wants to make a marriage. My WH doesn't want the marriage, he feels we are so far apart. In the posts, I had to read how he loved the OW, how he never loved me, never loved me at the altar. You know how hard that hurt, to read all this stuff and not say anything. Then when I came on and started clafifying things. I even stated lies he made. But that is in the past. But that is when the war started. He didn't want me on the boards.

So anyways, for your husband to privately e-mail with anyone here, is not good. Everything should be spelled out here to read. This is a POJA, that should be instilled between the two of you. To privately e-mail CATCH22 - is not being respectful and honest with your wife. Therefore your wife feels anger, and mistrust in you. Also,you have to figure her emotions are causing her to speak and think unclearly. I know, I have been there, and still go there.

Catch - if you want to work on this marriage. You need to show 100% that you are willing to work on this marriage. Counseling, working with your pastor, MB, and telling your wife that you love her. I never got that during our supposedly reconcillation, cause my WH doesn't love me. As stated in the boards. This is a womans view. If the ring is suppose to mean something, then she could give it back to you. You two are not legally divorced. If it is fair, I would just put both rings in a jewelry box, and wait till the day that you two decide to recommit your vows. You don't have to have a formal thing, could have a quiet little ceremony with your pastor. Just him and the two of you and 2 witnessses.

This is just a piece of jewelry, what counts is in the heart. I didn't put my ring back on, until my WH asked me to. It was for awhile, but I wished I hadn't until he was ready to committ to committing to the marriage.

As many know, we are divorcing, this is what SNL wants. He is getting his divorce, and things have gotten really ugly. Divorce brings out the worst in everyone. And I can say, I would of never dreamed my husband would act this way. Maybe after the divorce, he will settle down, and see what damage he has done. But as for now, I stay clear of him, and talk to him very little. Don't call him in less I have to, cause he goes ballistic too easily. I know that just talking to me sets his buttons. That is why I don't say much anymore, don't tell him anything anymore, don't discusss much with him anymore. My wayward husband I feel is mentally unstable.

Anyways, forget about the ring, and think what the ring symbolizes. I hope that one day, my wayward husband and I could wear our rings together with love, committment and God. It is up to us to start the process, but I will see if there is he is willing. If not, then that is it.

Free - don't leave, try to work something out that is balanced for the two of you. You have a good start with Catch 22 wanting to love you. Good luck.

Well, I reckon that if I were in your situation, Free2B, I'd leave, too. I can only hope and pray that you are able to find the support and guidance that you need somewhere else.

As I've told you before, I have grave concerns about you; while your attitude is neither surprising nor unreasonable, I don't think you understand where it is likely to lead you. But you didn't want to hear my concerns last time, and it may well be that you were wise in that respect: perhaps what you need most of all is time to heal. In any case, I hope that you may find peace some day.

For what it's worth, I have my concerns about your husband too, and I don't think your skepticism about him is without reason. (I don't really doubt his sincerity, but sincerity is never enough: maturity takes time.) Personally, I'd like to think that there may be hope for reconciliation between the two of you; but I'm not going to add my voice to those who want to see you try it now. After all, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ...a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, ...a time to tear and a time to mend..." (Ecclesiastes 3)

May God bless you.

This is about the childest post I have ever readed on MB.

If you feel you need to leave then leave. Leave other posters out of it. You accused Faith4us of something that you have no way of proving. Her post seem more helpful and encouraging than anything else.

Why are you worried about the splinter in someone else's eye. You seem to have a log of bitterness in your eye.

I pray you find peace. But, you will not find peace by trying to make others look bad.

gentle

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gentle:
<strong>This is about the childest post I have ever readed on MB.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Would you care to work on that sentence?

Gentle???
Possibly you haven't been here long enough? There has been plenty of whinning....and crying....done by all. This IS the place to vent, scream, cry, complain....It is also the place to encourage...to show fellow feeling...to support..show love and understanding. To lend a shoulder to a friend in need.

Do some research on Free's history....you may have the scales drop from your eyes....

Possibly time for a name change?...you didn't seem too gentle

D2K

You can scream and yell and vent all you want, but draging another poster in and accusing them of something is very different.

Free's history doesn't matter. Many have a bad history, that doesn't allow them to unjustly accuse someone else.

She has apologized. That was the right thing for her to do.

As far as a name change , many could use a name change here. I don't tell them to change their names.

What I said here was far more gentle than a lot of things posted here.At least I was defending an innocent person rather than bashing someone for thier opinion.

Looks like I have been here about as long as you.Maybe you should read up before you give your opinion.I just don't choose to post everytime someone is venting about their x or sx.Not everything here shows love and support as shown by the post I was responding to.

peace to you all,
gentle

If it walks like a duck???

My comment is just that...a coment, An observation, it is not even an oppinion. I do have an oppinion but choose to not share it.
I did read the exchanges between the 2 posters in question.
It did seem to be unduly familair...and flirtatous. <<<---not ment to be accusatory. We here who post or lurk have seen plenty and have been victims of pleanty.

I do not think f4u is at all aware of the subtle approach that EA's are made of. She seems to be genuine...loving person. That is why when Free's feelings were posted on how she felt I went back and read the posts between C2 and f4u...i was embarrassed for both of them.

Bringing it to their attention, although..possibly Free could have done it in a more diplomatic fashion is being a good friend/neighbor to both. If you are a spiritual person..I am thinking of Galations 6:1.

Free is in the best position to know how her WH works. He may have changed...but old habits die hard. They are ingrained...that is why the Bible has plainly stated "strip off the old personality" . It's hard work and not an overnight job...sometimes it takes revealing layers and layers.

Gentle, please be kind. I meant no harm or malice towards you. I was simply posting and observation.

D2K

Free,

I am sorry to see that you are leaving. I wish you would not, although I understand your reasons. Funny how talking to someone on these boards for two years (but whose counting?) creates an attachment. I would like to keep in touch. If you are interested, send me a private message (although I do not know how this new feature works).

Hugs to you,

OneDay

Free,

Sorry to read about the reasons you have for leaving. I started reading hoping you were leaving because you had found some closure in your marriage.

I left once before under duress. The OM's wife had been spying on me and reporting to him. He, in turn, told my XW, and she got mad at me for telling "the whole world" about it. I finally snuck back on under an alias, but I rarely post anymore.

There was one moment of levity as I was reading along though,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by gentle:
This is about the childest post I have ever readed on MB.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Would you care to work on that sentence?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This absolutely killed me. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Had I been drinking something, it would have spewed from my nose.

In any event, good luck. Things will certainly improve.

P.S. I'm still laughing.....

Hello, Free.....Since you have said good bye to everyone I don't know if you'll even read this. I'm kind of new and not used to doing this. I didn't even know something like this existed. But Free, something in your messages touched me. I could feel such a sense of dispair, hurt, anger and disillusionment that I wanted to cry. How sad you must be.

I feel from what you post, that everything in you would like to reach out and smack the p--p out of this guy. But at the same time in feeling this way, you are the one who is still suffering. It's like he drove the knife into you. He's taken his hand off of it and is going on his way, but the knife is still inside of you doing it's damage. Free, Only you are the one who can remove it.

Please forgive me for being so presumptuous as to think that you would be even interested in my two cents, but it looks like this is what this board is all about. People caring about people.

I learned a long time ago that we cannot change anyone. If we want a change, we have to change ourselves. I went through a hurt like yours and God (yes, I am a Christian)showed me that in order for me to be free of these feelings that I was having, I had to forgive my husband. I remember clearly arguing with God saying: You've got to be kidding. Of course He wasn't, and proceeded to show me the principle of forgiveness. That in actuality the forgiveness was not for your WH but for you. The forgiveness is to set you free. God will deal with him. You know we think that when we forgive someone, it lets them off the hook from what they have done. But that is not true. Believe me Free, God keeps better records than we can imagine.

I read some of the posts from your WH also and I can see where his talking about God all the time and how close he's gotten to Him could really frost you. But you know, stranger things have happened. Maybe the thought of losing you has awakened his sense of committment to becoming the man you thought he was. Have you ever heard someone say "God works in strange ways?"

I guess I have to wonder before going any further if there is any spark of life in you toward this relationship. Hopefully there is. After all, you saw something in him to love or you wouldn't have married him in the first place. As far as his newly kindled relationship with God.....again, stranger things have happened. If there is anything left in you toward this man, why not wait and see if all the changes he claims have taken place, actually have! You might be surprised. I know that I believe in a God of second chances, third chances and if necessary maybe more. That doesn't mean that you have to accept infidelity, it just means that I have fallen on my face many times and somehow there has always been a hand there to lift me out of the mess that I made. Also let me say that forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to pick up where you left off as if nothing ever happened. Maybe the two of you are not supposed to be together anymore but healing for you has to start someplace and whether you believe it or not or even accept it, the start is in forgiveness. I don't know where you stand with God, if you have a relationship with Him or even care if He exists. I only know what he showed me and how much better I felt after I did it His way. Let the WH be. Concentrate on you right now. The focus has to be on you for you to heal and if you take a few quiet moments to ask God what He would have you do......don't be surprised if He tells you. Thanks for allowing me into your post. I look forward to hearing from you....SS.